Day to Day Change

If you read my post yesterday, you’d know I was in a quite happy-go-lucky mood. I was intent on realizing the life-changing opportunities and/or possibilities for me now & in the future.

Well, things change. They change day to day, as the title reads, but they also change minute to minute, sometimes in even shorter spans than that.

What spurred this change? Well, my emotional instability is a key factor in all of this, but let’s run the tape back to later in the evening of last night and earlier today.

Last night I had a conversation with that new possible companion I wrote about a few posts back that really changed everything for us moving forward. We didn’t click like we were clicking. There was anger for no apparent reason, and surprisingly not from my side. However, she is at a bachelorette party this weekend & drinking quite heavily, but I think I’ve come to the conclusion that we just don’t mesh. Sucks, but yeah. That’s the conclusion of that.

Earlier today, I of course was texting my ex. Earlier in the week we chatted over the phone & she asked a peculiar question, “Have you been seeing anyone?” I of course replied with a kinda, sorta, maybe answer – because that’s the honest truth. I spoke in my last post of letting go of the love and desire I have to be with my ex, but it’s extremely difficult to think of ever creating a connection even close to that again in my lifetime.

Well, going back to the question she asked earlier in the week, she ended up explaining why she asked it. First, she wanted to know if I was screwing anyone. Then she wanted to, at some point, tell me she’s been casually seeing someone. It took quite a bit to get her away from hinting at it & changing that to just telling me the harsh truth. I mean, she’s trying to move on. I get it, I do. Does that make it better? No.

It’s really hard to stomach. It really is. I have to go to a family friend’s house this evening for a dinner & I don’t know how I’ll behave. I’m frightened to be around anyone right now. Hell, I can’t even handle trying to give my dog’s attention right now. To top it off, I have to golf with those same family friends tomorrow morning, so I won’t be staying at my residence this evening. I’ll be in someone else’s bed with these thoughts. I always struggle with that.

Every single day, something changes. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s the exact opposite. Also, sometimes it feels like death. At least that’s what today feels like for me.

I hope you’re having a better day than me. You might be have a worse day than me & if so, I hope you get through it. I hope I get through this. I hope we all get through the struggles we’re faced with in this day to day, always changing life we lead.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

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