New Beginnings

Right now I’m sitting outside on my deck thinking back on the past couple of years I’ve lived in this town. Thankfully I’ve been able to step away from work for a few minutes. I’ve had some good moments, I’ve enjoyed the backyard component of my house, but boy am I happy to finally have a way to get out.

This week my debt will be paid off. I’ll be measuring what I need for carpet & hardwood for the upcoming sale of my residence, and I’ll be moving back to my hometown to rent for a few months before deciding what to do next. That’s somewhat based off what job I land next, but who knows what could happen.

All I know is I’m grateful. Throughout the past six to seven months, I’ve been completely lost on the map. Now I’ve seemingly found some direction. I have some plans in place. I’m working towards some goals. That’s a good enough start for me.

Life hasn’t been all that bad here. I’ve learned quite a bit about owning a home, fixing random things (like my sink, my sink always has issues – can’t wait to be rid of that thing), and gardening as I’ve mentioned before. I’ve found passions in things I never thought I’d find passion in, like cooking. I’ve picked up reading again because I haven’t had anything to do socially in this town. There really are many positives that came out of these last two years, but I’m ready to move on. And now it’s becoming real – my next step in life is really unknown, but at least I know I have a next step.

My buddy tries to get me to do a five year plan. I want to, I really do, but I can barely think a week ahead let alone five years. Maybe once the house is sold & I’ve settled into a new place with more friendly faces around, I’ll be able get that plan done. Highly unlikely, but I’d like to see myself do it. My buddy is usually right on what’s important and what’s not – hell, some of the reason I’m still here to this day is because of his advice.

Have I mentioned what I dislike the absolute most about where I live? The mosquitos, the flies. Just now as I’ve typed this, I’ve slapped myself in the face three times trying to swat away whatever’s attacking me. I think I’ve missed the bug every time, but I definitely haven’t missed my face.

What have I loved most about this place? This is what’s important to acknowledge. The independence it brought me. The maturity forced upon me from owning and taking care of a home. I really am proud I got here. I’m a guy that spent many months in jail as a kid, spent almost my entire high school life penned up in a random shelter, lost a brother, my mother suffered a terrible accident, and I was addicted to opiates for almost six years. It’s quite amazing that I’m sitting on my own deck watching my own two dogs eat stuff they aren’t supposed to be eating. It’s the simple things, it really is.

I really am proud of myself, and I couldn’t have done any of this without the people that love & support me. No matter how bad your situation is, I bet you can find one or two positives in it. That’s what’s kept me going, and I hope you start to look for those positives, too.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

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