2022 – So What?

Hi, everybody!

The title reads in a negative light. It isn’t supposed to. My bad.

Tomorrow we start 2022! To be completely honest, I’m not at all a “NEW YEAR, NEW ME” type of person, but I am proud of what I’ve accomplished this year. And I’m proud of the ones around me. Grateful, too.

This year had its ups and downs, that’s for sure. But if we were to sum it all up, I think the ups outweigh the downs. And that’s what we want, right?

This year has been about awareness for me. Truly the first year I’ve really focused in on it – and boy am I glad I did so. I’m aware of how I feel so much more often now and CAN STOP myself from doing horrible things and/or saying terrible things.

I’ve also grown professionally and grown physically. Mentally I’ve grown. All year – growth!

Have you checked in with yourself in a bit? You should. I bet you surprise yourself with all the awesome stuff you did this year (and no, it doesn’t have to be a trip to Jamaica or some shit).

Good luck in 2022. Thanks for tagging along with me on these blog posts. I appreciate you all pushing me to write more and more. It helps.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Not Nearly as Consistent

Hi, everybody.

I know, I know. Last time I blogged I told you lot that I’m back, I’d write more, yada yada. Well, you know life. Shit happens. And it hasn’t been bad shit, I’ve just been busy getting my life back in order after those blips I mentioned in my last blog post.

It’s been hectic getting everything back together in my life. Dog passed unexpectedly, gf broke up with me due to my mental health (again), totaled my car (my fault, yikes), my boxing match didn’t happen because my opponent found himself in jail… and I’m sure there was more.

I’m not here to bitch. I”m here to be grateful and share what I’m excited about.

I’m grateful for my Pops. Without him, I would be drowning in even more depression and even more debt. He’s truly a special individual. I love him with all my heart – even though I fail to showcase it at times.

I’m grateful for my best friend. He knows who he is. He’s brought me outta the mud so many times and with our new NFT venture, it’s really given me another outlet to “distract” myself with. No, I don’t think distracting yourself is good but I don’t mean it that way. I just can’t seem to come up with another word. I guess “hobby” fits. Anyway, if you’re reading this, thank you.

I’m grateful for the communities I’m in, the people around me, my boxers who made a custom hat which says “Coach {{lastname}}”. I’m grateful for so fucking much. I should get that tattooed on the back of my hand or somewhere VERY noticeable. Just to remind myself. I am grateful for so. fucking. much.

I hope to write more. I’m not pushing pressure on myself to do so anymore. I’ll write when I feel like writing. Don’t worry, I still love you lot. And I’m still here. If you comment, I’ll see it. I’ll respond. I’ll be here to chat with you. But I’m done imprisoning myself in thinking “I need to do this, I need to do that”. It’s not healthy.

I’m excited for so many things. I started an amazing new job and it provides so much opportunity. Opportunity to finally look at my life-long goal of owning a free to the public boxing gym as something achievable.

But it’s not about the job. It’s about my state of mind nowadays. I’ve changed. Yeah, I’m still conquered at times by my mental health struggles, but I understand limits and understand my potential. I’m much more aware than I’ve ever been, in and outside the ring.

Enough about me. I hope you’re doing fuckin’ fantastic. If not, hit me up. Let’s chat about it.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Losing My Best Friend

Hi, everybody.

Last week, on Thursday, I lost my best friend of 11 years. Her name was Bella and she was a beautiful dog with an even more beautiful soul. Here’s what I wrote from one of my posts yesterday and I wanted to make sure to put it right here on my blog. I might even upload some photos, who knows. I don’t feel like typing more stuff out right now because it saddens me, but I would love to recount everything about Bella one day. One day real soon.

This whole thing tore me apart. It really did. Bella experienced a rapid health decline due to unknown cancer in her body. But if there’s one thing I learned from my very best friend, it’s this: You can keep going, no matter how shitty you feel. Bella brought me through beating drug addiction, battling depression and anxiety, bad relationships, and so much more. Every time I looked at her she would reassure me to keep going. She loved me no matter which side of the bed I woke up on—and man, am I forever grateful for her.

Bella also spent quite a bit of time with many close friends in my life and left a positive impact on them, too. She was truly special.

Bella loved to: 1. play fetch, 2. play more fetch, 3. butt rubs, 4. chase squirrels (damn them), 5. swim, run, anything exciting, 6) eat anything, including trash, 7) be there for me.

I don’t know if I’ll ever capture a relationship quite like I had with Bella. I don’t believe I want another relationship like the one I had with her. Nothing can replace her and that makes me happy. Genuinely happy. She lived an extremely healthy life and sadly cancer came to end it short (and abruptly).

I love you so much, Bella. I hope wherever you are they are topping your food with raw salmon, feeding you eggs, and continuously throwing the tennis ball for you. Heck, I hope they have a Chuck-It! for you. You loved those.

I’ll miss my best friend but Bella was also a best friend to my other dog, Louie. He is adjusting quite well—probably gets his strength from ol’ Bella girl. I’ll miss you, Bella. Gone too soon. You’ll never be forgotten.

Thank you for everything, Bella. You were one of a kind. A true best friend. Family.

Bella Girl | 05/26/2010 – 11/04/21

The Last Few Days

Hi, everybody.

It’s not often anymore that I write to you in the morning but here we are. The past week took me for a ride – let’s go through that.

Wednesday of last week I took a new job. A job I consider to be “life-changing” if I do it right. I was very happy. I even wrote a tiny blog on it.

Wednesday night, my 11-year old dog starts to look sick, lethargic, whatever. Bad.

Thursday morning I bring her to the vet. No good news. Rapid decline in health. Needs to be put down by end of the day.

I had that dog at the age of 19. She got me through EVERYTHING over the past 11 years. It was my turn to help her out by making sure she didn’t spend a single day on this planet being miserable or in poor health. It wasn’t easy, but it was the right decision to make. I’ll miss her always and forever, but just like my brother she will live on with me. She made me such a better human being without every saying a word.

I chose to box on Saturday and compete in the event I was scheduled to compete in. Coach and I drove a couple hours to the venue – I had just lost about 5 lbs because I put on some weight after my dog passed. I needed to weigh in at 168 so I made sure to chew gum and spit throughout the whole drive to the venue. Came in at 168.6 – just good enough. Phew. Hell of a week but still made weight.

Coach and I head out to grab some food. When we come back, I notice my name isn’t on the bout sheet. I asked what’s up? Why not?

The guy I was supposed to box found himself in jail the morning of the fight. Go figure. Shit. I was really looking forward to punching someone after the week I had.

Want to know the craziest shit? I’m actually doing OK now. My family supported me, my friends supported me, and all of my past adversities supported me here. We really do get stronger if we choose to get stronger. I know this blog is always a mess and this post proves it, but as always, thank you for letting me talk to you–it’s always nice to vent.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Need to Get It Out of My System

Hi, everybody.

Today will be short. I plan to write a rather long blog post about this topic but I really just needed to type something out today. Call it therapeutic.

Wednesday night my older dog (11) started acting funny. Lethargic, not right. I took her to the vet the next morning and by 4 PM yesterday, she was put down. She meant the world to me. She brought me through addiction, multiple breakups… I mean, so so much. I will miss her. And I will make sure she’s remembered.

I love you lot. I hope you’re holding your loved ones close and your furry friends just as close.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Quick Update: CO Trip

Hi, everybody.

I meant to write this yesterday but I was just a bit too tired. The girlfriend and I spent the weekend in Golden, CO and not to sound corny… but it was an absolutely golden trip.

Yeah, corny.

Anyway, it was a trip filled with no plans. We knew we wanted to hike. Where? We figured we would find that out when we were there. We did and it was an absolutely gorgeous (and tiring) hike.

We didn’t have food plans but we never had a bad meal. If anything, our lack of knowledge going into some restaurants surprised us in a good way.

I learned this trip that not everything needs to be in a routine. Sometimes it’s necessary to be impulsive and just choose what you want to do in that moment while you’re in that moment. You can worry about the consequences later (most of the time).

I enjoyed my trip. The girlfriend enjoyed it, too. Now it’s back to the daily grind but guess what? I’m recharged. Self care matters, people. Make friends with it.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

People Surprise You

Hi, everybody.

Today is about everyone else around me.

Have I told you I have a Pops that supports me no matter what?

Have I told you I have a best friend that would most likely run through a literal wall for me?

How about the person that’s picking me up from the airport even though I’ve been a dick? And guess what, she understands what the hell is going on in my mind and enjoys me for who I am. What the fuck? How. I can’t even do that.

I need to stop underestimating people and thinking I’m shit so you’ll obviously think I’m shit. I’m not shit. You most definitely aren’t shit. If anything, you’re fantastic. You’re out of this world.

People don’t surprise you. We’re just too damn narrow-minded to grasp the blessings around us. We are so focused on the future and making sure this and that are right that we don’t focus on the now and the individuals showcasing immense heart and love each and every minute of our lives.

We look too forward. At least I do. Ooo-wee (some of you may get that reference). But damn, I talk about gratitude and I just don’t show it. I don’t walk the damn walk. I need to start doing that. I really do. Not just for me, but for you.

It’s off to Dallas for a work trip. See you lot down south.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Broken Promise

Hi, everybody.

First, let me say I don’t know if I ever promised to stop writing daily. I said I wanted to. Things change (as I’ve mentioned in 25-50 blog posts here) and I decided to take some time right now to jot down some thoughts.

Mornings are long, nights are short.

My dogs are a blessing and a curse.

I want more freedom.

I would like to travel to Las Vegas for the Bud Crawford fight on November 20th but money will stop me from going.

Each day feels the same.

I’m missing that special someone in my life and I’m worried that I’ve broken too far apart from that side of me, leaving me alone for the rest of my life due to my failure to open up and be myself. I mean, it’s scary to tell people exactly who you are or how you act – more of what you’re capable of than anything else, really. It’s scary to others.

I box this Sunday. I’m kind of excited for it, kind of not. This was a rushed matchup so I don’t know what I’m getting myself into here.

I wish my mind was more creative. Like, a lot more creative.

Graphic design is something I wish I could create the patience for.

I am thinking about a lot more right now than I even thought.

My investments are doing well for once. That’s cool.

I need a new job. This one will do for now but man, I am bored.

I think that covers my thoughts for right now. I know you lot didn’t ask for them. What are you thinking about today? What’s taking the most mental real estate in your life right at this moment?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Understanding Relationships

Hi, everybody.

I really hope you’re doing well today. I am. I hope you are, too.

I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships–and not just those with a significant other, but I’ll focus on that specific situation here.

Recently I have spent quite a bit of time with what some would call a “significant other” or someone I’m in a relationship with, but I don’t believe we identify with that label. Or maybe I’m misunderstanding everything around me. But we have talked about it and decided that dating isn’t a good idea right now–but is that truthful from both ends?

So now it’s about trying to understand or unearth what we do not know. Whatever’s going on inside that other person’s noggin. It’s a scary venture and I’m here to tell you one thing: DON’T DO IT.

It’s not your job to know what the other person is thinking. It is on you to treat someone with respect and dignity, but it is in no way, shape, or form your job to express another person’s feelings for them.

Am I just telling myself this so I don’t feel like a dick? Yes and no.

I’ve made this mistake many of times before and I hope I’m not making yet another mistake here. I enjoy the company, I enjoy the conversation, I enjoy the other stuff. Maybe one day it will evolve into something else, but right now I’m happy with what’s in front of me. I’m happy with what I’m doing right now with this situation.

So, yeah. Understanding relationships is kind of your job, I guess that’s my point here. It’s your job to understand where you’re at in the relationship and it’s your job to be respectful of the person you are with.

Sounds easy, right? Ha.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Celebrating Others

Hi, everybody!

Gooooood morning!

It actually is a good morning. Last night I had a great time with a friend and we followed it up with a drive through a torrential downpour. It was pretty awesome. Downtown is flooded but… it still looked and felt pretty dang cool. (I hope everyone is alright downtown, of course.)

But last night at dinner I found some trouble within myself. I noticed I wasn’t truly embracing and relishing in my friend’s recent successes. Instead, I was thinking if I did anything about as cool/even better. What kind of dick thinks that way?

A lot of us do. And a lot of us need to change that. It all comes down to being an active listener. That whole idea of listening to listen, not to respond. You don’t always have to have something to say back—sometimes a nod is better than breaking off into your own tangent.

Think about it, though. If you give others your undivided attention and just purely listen, there’s a good chance they notice that and do the same for you when you want to share successes or even failures.

Become an active listener. I have said it since my last breakup and I am still working on it daily. I think it’s something we should all work on. Don’t you?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.