Sick

Hi, everybody.

It’s exactly what it sounds like BUT MORE! I am sick, under the weather, have a cold, whatever you wanna call it. Worst thing about it? Yesterday I received even more bad news from someone I truly and deeply care about and today I’m stuck in bed thinking about that nonstop instead of chucking my fists at a heavy bag (or a real person) to clear my mind.

I don’t have much to write today. I just typed in “tw” to get to Twitter (further distraction) and it auto-populated to bring me here. I figured that was a sign I should at least say something.

I’m not OK. I’m physically sick and that will pass. I’m mentally sick and I’m not so sure about that one. I mean just yesterday I had an anxiety attack I couldn’t shake for two hours.

We’re supposed to have control of ourselves, right? How the shit do we do that? People make it sound so easy. It’s not. I hope it’s easy for you, but for me it is not easy. Never has been and I know it sounds defeatist, but I don’t think it will ever get easier.

I’m stuck with who I am. I need to accept that.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.