Dinner & a Movie

Hi, everybody.

Well, I finally did it. I got my first “outbound” sales deal at this company. AND GUESS WHAT? I already had plans and now those plans can be a bit more celebratory.

You know, this entire week has been a mess for me internally, but it goes to show you that anything can change in an instant. Trust that. Believe that. Don’t bank on it because you never know when something will click, but don’t beat yourself up about shit. It’s not healthy. I do it all the time and each time I do it I end up hating myself more. Don’t be like me. Fight better than me. You can do it. I know you can.

Wow, I really broke off right there.

Anyway, tonight is a dinner and movie night with the girlfriend. Should be fun. I’m excited, are you?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Structure Changes

Hi, everybody.

Is not hearing from me every single day nice? I bet it is. Also, it helps me keep this blog filled with good content, not fluff. Although you could make an argument that literally everything I write on here is “fluff”, but I hope you don’t take it that way.

One of my English professors always talked about stream of consciousness in writing and I believe that’s kind of what I do best. So yeah, that’s why you read what you read from me. I just think and type, think and type, think and type. I usually come in here with some type of structure or plan, but I veer away from it in record time almost always.

Like I almost just did.

Today I wanted to talk to you lot about how things are going with me (SURPRISE!) and what I’ve noticed after slowing down my writing.

  1. I don’t have anxiety/stress from the “need” to write to you lot
  2. I am able to have more freedom in my mind and I don’t feel the need to “solve the problem” right away
  3. I’m embracing each moment and letting it run through me
  4. I feel better about who I am

Now not all that can be contributed to me stopping the streak (accidentally). A lot of that has to do with how I’ve been structuring my days. Simply put – I really haven’t been structuring my days. It’s kind of freeing. I’ve been much more open to going out and doing random things. I don’t play nearly as many video games so I’m staying away from screens a bit more. Shit, I even booked a Colorado trip with a new girlfriend. Yep, I said it. Girlfriend. Crazy, innit?

But yeah, things are changing for me. I might even have a new job soon. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to always keep you lot posted on anything going on in my life, sometimes annoyingly so.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Not Selling, but I Am Helping

Hi, everybody.

I’m not worried about streaks anymore. It’s so freeing, honestly. I thought writing every day was helping me, and it was, but not writing every day is helping me, too. Weird, right?

OK, so what to write about today? WORK! So you lot know I’m in sales if you’ve read 2-3 of my blog posts. If you’ve read any job-related posts over the past month or two, you know I’m struggling.

But I’ve found a loophole to not be attacked by management (even though they somehow love me and the VP said last week, “You are exactly what we need in our sales reps.”). It confused the hell out of me. But the loophole isn’t really a loophole. It’s something I wish I could actually get paid for – helping people. I’ve spent a good amount of my last week training and onboarding new employees along with helping others with their deals. Yes, it doesn’t put money in my bank account but it keeps my job secure and I’m helping people. That’s cool. I enjoy that.

It goes to show that if you are struggling in one area, most likely you’ll exceed expectations in another. Keep that in mind. But I really need a deal to close this week. Cross your fingers for me, please? Thanks.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Boxing Frustrations

Hi, everybody.

As you may have read on this blog, I plan to go pro in boxing early next year. Sadly, the training isn’t picking up with my coach and if anything, he’s starting to slowly remove himself from daily trainings. And I don’t know why. I’ve asked but he seems to not notice himself.

So I’m frustrated. But what have I learned through boxing? No one does anything for you. Everything you get out of yourself in that ring comes from within. Yes, team is important, but your overall mental fortitude and GOALS are what’s most important.

I’m driven. I will be pro next year. I will win.

Feels good typing that.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Seven Minutes

Hi, everybody.

I have seven minutes to write to you. After that, I’m right back in meetings.

Today has been one hell of a ride. I actually experienced some success at work for the first time in about a month–feels nice.

But I have experienced quite a bit of frustration, so I must remind myself that I should not let anyone’s language or actions toward me, either negative or positive, impact how I feel today. I must remain myself and not let pettiness get in the way of truly being myself today.

You can probably tell I’m reading more of that awareness book, yeah? Yeah, I am.

But it’s true. Why let anyone’s negativity really impact you? Who does that help? It helps you get angry and no one wants that. Let it pass through you, slide off your shoulders, whatever. Be the better person. Actually, scratch that. You aren’t the better person in this situation. You’re just the person who decided to continue to be themselves no matter what was in front of you. And that’s a win. A huge win.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

PS: My job sucks.

New Streak?

Hi, everybody.

I put up a post yesterday while I was lying in bed sweating. If you missed it, well you missed that I missed writing a post for the first time in 168 days or something. I woke up devastated (and hungover). But I read an excerpt of a great book and it pushed me right out of that negative space.

So now my thought is… do I build up a new streak? I mean, it did keep structure in my life. It kept me focused on the task at hand and you lot ended up being an army of therapists for me. It’s kind of nice, ya know? But there is stress that comes with having to write every day.

Now that I think about it (see, I always say writing is so very important to think things through), I don’t believe I’ll give a shit about a streak going forward. I want to provide good content for you lot, my audience. You don’t need fluff. You want to read good shit, not a bunch of words just to hit a damn streak.

But thank you. Thank you for sticking through the streak with me. Some of you read every single post. I really appreciated that. Some of you commented your own thoughts and built a small conversation with me, I am so grateful for that.

I hope this blog keeps growing. I need to figure out how to make it grow. I’m not in writing for money but I would love to reach a larger audience (insert ad – kidding). I would love to chat with more people. If you have any ideas, maybe even a website revamp, let me know. I love hearing from you.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

I Didn’t Do It

Hi, everybody.

I’m actually sweating in a hotel bed at 6:18 AM but it’s not because I’m hungover. Slightly. No, the real reason is this: I forgot to write yesterday. There goes the streak. 168 days in a row… then nothing. Now we restart.

But there’s a cheat code! Considering I don’t normally wake up this early, let’s call this yesterday. Just kidding, the streak is ruined. I even tried to backdate this post and it failed. This should not be hitting me this hard.

Why is this hitting me so hard?

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

People Surprise You

Hi, everybody.

Today is about everyone else around me.

Have I told you I have a Pops that supports me no matter what?

Have I told you I have a best friend that would most likely run through a literal wall for me?

How about the person that’s picking me up from the airport even though I’ve been a dick? And guess what, she understands what the hell is going on in my mind and enjoys me for who I am. What the fuck? How. I can’t even do that.

I need to stop underestimating people and thinking I’m shit so you’ll obviously think I’m shit. I’m not shit. You most definitely aren’t shit. If anything, you’re fantastic. You’re out of this world.

People don’t surprise you. We’re just too damn narrow-minded to grasp the blessings around us. We are so focused on the future and making sure this and that are right that we don’t focus on the now and the individuals showcasing immense heart and love each and every minute of our lives.

We look too forward. At least I do. Ooo-wee (some of you may get that reference). But damn, I talk about gratitude and I just don’t show it. I don’t walk the damn walk. I need to start doing that. I really do. Not just for me, but for you.

It’s off to Dallas for a work trip. See you lot down south.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Tomorrow I Travel

Hi, everybody.

My titles are becoming quite matter-of-fact, aren’t they? It’s true–I am traveling tomorrow. Nothing exciting, just another trip down to Dallas for work. I’ll actually be back on Tuesday evening, so I’m not going to be there for long.

Today was hectic so far. I spent the morning coaching and training per usual, but followed it up with some complicated relationship shit and a bunch of a chores. I can’t decide which one was more tiring: relationship shit or chores. I think it was the stuff involving feelings. I seem to not be very good with those anymore. Was I ever? thinks back

I’m excited to travel because it gets me out of the house and out of my routine but not for too long. I’m ready to get out of the house. It will be nice to work from an office for a day or two I suppose. We’ll see. I mean, you lot know you will hear from me throughout the trip. That’s a given.

Make sure you enjoy the rest of your freakin’ day, OK?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Quotes From the Same Damn Book

Hi, everybody.

Things are a bit better today. I’m about to try a 10-mile run. Fun, right? I hope so.

It will be. What am I saying? I decide if it’s fun or not, not the run itself.

transition

Let’s go through some quotes from that one book I’ve been reading for… about two months, maybe longer. I really need to finish this damn thing. Anyway, the book is by Michael A. Singer, titled “The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself”.

It sounds cheesy and sometimes it is, but most of the time it isn’t. You take the good with the bad, right? Let’s get into it.

When you’re lost and struggling with all these psychological and energetic changes, you are suffering. White it may not seem to you that you’re suffering, compared to what it can be, you are suffering. In truth, the very responsibility of having to hold it all together is itself a form of suffering.

It’s a full-time task just to maintain the discipline necessary to create even the semblance of control and order in there (the psyche).”

When you truly awake spiritually, you realize you are caged.

Limitations and boundaries only exist at the places where you stop going beyond. If you never stop, then you go beyond boundaries, beyond limitations, beyond the sense of a restricted self.

So yeah, I liked those little pieces of the book. I only have a couple more chapters to go. It’s really one of those “take a little bite at a time” type of books if you know what I’m saying.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.