I’m back today and back with a bit of substance! Immediately when I pulled this up I had a jump of anxiety, so I might keep this short. I’m still having trouble processing and working through my thoughts right now, and each time I write it amplifies those feelings. I don’t know if my mind and heart are capable of handling the amplification on a regular basis, so I seldomly write “for the public” anymore. My apologies. I will be back.
I guess that’s a good segue, although writing to this blog was never planned to be cut out. I am cutting out a lot, though. I’m trying to shock myself into something new. The goal is to feel uncomfortable and work off of my intuition for once – instead of continuously driving at the same routine with no clear end goal. Now, it will be important to understand what my goals are once I do get to that sense of discomfort. Or else I go down the same path.
I’ve cut out a few good friends, I’ve cut out a lot of my boxing, I plan to cut out some of my side business, and I’m spending more time with myself. I started reading again. I’m five chapters in to a good book – and I’ve enjoyed that. It’s still difficult to keep my mind still while I read, but it’s getting better.
I’m having issues with cutting things out. I feel like I’m letting myself get lonelier and lonelier, but I don’t know what other options I have at this point. It’s fight or flight, and I’m luckily still fighting. I need to keep fighting. But if I cut everyone out, what do I do if I’m feeling too much discomfort?
It’s a tough balance. It’s all part of this journey. This life. And for now, this is how is has to be.
I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.