So Many Screens

Hi, everybody.

Screens, am I right? Going to be the death of all mankind’s rest. Right when I’m about to put the computer down, I remember I have this to do. After that, I’m oh-so-ready to put down my computer. Nope, forgot to respond to that email. Wait – I think I’m good now. Kidding! I need to file that expense before I forget…

Where does it end? We spend so much of our lives living through things: our job, our roles in society, our overall responsibilities. How often do we live through ourselves? Does that make sense?

I can’t remember the last dog walk I went on where my mind was quiet. Where I didn’t think of the million and one things I feel like I must accomplish on a daily basis. But each day, do I get closer to anything I truly want? What is it that I want? Will I figure that out on my next dog walk or will I think about my 10:30 meeting with that one client who always, always thinks I’m the problem. Pssh.

I don’t think it will end. If anything, I think our world is destined for even more distraction from what’s really us. But if you think about it, doesn’t that change end up changing the definition of what’s really us? Man, life is crazy to think about. And to think, we’re only here for a smidge of time and we’re only worth a smidge while we’re here.

But that smidge can mean something. Smidge smidge smidge. OK, got that word out of my system.

You know, without screens I wouldn’t be typing to you here. I’ve made quite a few mistakes today – I probably did something that I’ll end up regretting for at least a year (no, no one got hurt and no one will get hurt… besides my emotions maybe – I’m just chasing love like an idiot). But typing to you here made me feel a smidge better (SHIT, I DIDN’T GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM AND I LIED TO YOU!) about it all. So screens can stay, for now. I’m still on path to move out of my state at the end of the year – and I really want to make that a reality. I just don’t know how and I’m too timid to make a certain move. Best I’ve done is asked for the basics of “Is this even possible given my current financial situation?” and thrown out a couple small pieces of furniture.

You tell yourself it’ll work itself out – sure, that’s true for some things. But not this. Not finally moving away from my home state 30+ years later. I have to make it happen. But no pressure.

Wow, we went into a few things here. Sorry if there’s no general theme. Off the cuff, like normal. Overuse of punctuations… per usual.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.