I’m writing this because I need help. Not from you, but from writing itself.
My ex, out of the blue, texted me this morning. I didn’t think she’d text me. I also didn’t think it would impact me if she did. I mean, I was having a great week & great morning. I was already on my way to the gym, which is one of my many ways of therapy, and I thought I’d hit the heavy bag till I couldn’t think about that text anymore.
I was wrong. It’s the only thing that’s been on my mind today, and it wasn’t even a good text. She just misses the dog. I’ve been having a fantastic week – I mean, if you read my post from yesterday, you’d know. Did you? Hmm…
This text shook me. I obviously responded and kept the conversation going – that, too, was a mistake. It led to us getting on the phone & talking about what’s been going on in our lives. Oh, and of course, in classic fashion I mentioned I still love her.
Do I regret saying that? No, because it’s the truth. Do I regret looking at my phone this morning? Fuck yes. I’m hoping this post pushes me out of this way of thinking soon. I was having such a great week, there’s no way I should let this diminish that. Right? Right.
What do you people do in situations like this? Do you handle it as poorly as me? I can’t be the only one with trouble letting go. That’s really the problem: I haven’t let go. It’s not the text, it’s me.
Shit, writing really does open your eyes. Try it sometime.
I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.
The Two Sides of Me 