You aren’t going to believe this shit.

First, read this last post. If you don’t, you won’t understand the humor & you won’t clap at the end.

Haven’t read it yet? Shame on you. Enjoy the stock photos below but don’t you dare scroll below those things before you read the last post.

Did you read it? It’s linked here if you haven’t yet. I’m telling you, it adds to this post. Maybe you need another stock photo.

OK, I trust you now. Let’s get into it.

So I was worried I have herpes. Still kinda worried, but some funny shit happened. For the past couple of days before this event, I had felt a slight itch on the tip of my penis. Anyway, I was getting a regular screening the other day for the other STDs, including HIV. I’m sitting in the lobby filling out forms. Then… *ding*

Text message from _____ _____:
Hey, just to let you know I got tested & I have Chlamydia. You may want to get tested.

Text message back from me:
You aren’t going to believe what I’m doing right now.

I mean the timing, the odds, & the hilarity of that moment. Kinda made the whole thing worth it. I’m kidding. Nothing makes pissing flames worth it. Wear a condom, people. Wear a damn condom.

OH. I still don’t know if I have herpes. Guess I have to wait it out, according to the doctor. No tests really give you an accurate result UNLESS you have lesions. Super great. Awesome. Yay.

Fun blog, eh?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.