Tag: mental health

Personal Travel

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Well, it’s Friday! Time for more nonsense. I’m honestly just looking for some advice or recommendations with this blog post.

I’ve been in my hometown for quite some time now without a vacation. Yes, I went to Dallas, but that was for work. I need to get out. I live in the midwest and prefer the east coast. Any recommendations? I’ve done Maine, bits of Massachusetts, New York and a bit of upstate New York, and New Jersey. Oh, a tiny bit of Pennsylvania when I went to Philly for a wedding.

So, where should I go? I want to go at the end of September/middle of October because, well, the weather is a lot more suitable for me (I sweat a lot in big city heat).

Or should I look elsewhere? Not the east coast? Is there something on the west coast that I just must see? I’ve only been to Orange County in CA, but I wasn’t a fan. I would be interested in seeing the Redwoods up north or Big Sur a bit south of that. Well, quite a bit south I think.

Also, what should I do? I like outdoorsy stuff but I do love a good conversation with a stranger. Should I be more adventurous? Maybe try to conquer a fear like heights (e.g. skydiving)?

Let’s not conquer that fear just yet. Or heavily drug me then push me out of a plane. I will not do it sober.

Anyway, I told you this would be nonsense, but I would be interested in not just hearing recommendations from you. I would LOVE to hear about some of your amazing trips and make a decision from there. Care to help?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Thinking Through the Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Well, good morning.

It’s about 9 AM CT where I’m at and I’m already thinking way too far ahead. My mind is already past working and thinking about the evening. Except there’s a new wrinkle for this evening: no volleyball due to an injured elbow.

So what the shit do I do with my time?

Maybe I should keep my focus right here, right now. I mean, it’s something I preach all the time. “Stay in the moment.” Meh. It’s difficult, isn’t it? I’m not excited for anything today. I’ll head to the gym in a couple of hours and my Pops will stop over later for some branch removal from a storm a couple nights back, but shit, man, I don’t know how I’ll keep my head/mind above water today.

Maybe I can do some reading today. Maybe that’ll put me on the right path. One thing I do know? I need to become aware of how I’m feeling today and what’s going on inside me. It’s important so I don’t go down that slippery slope of feeling bad for myself and sleeping the day away. It’s important that I write at this very moment in time to remind myself that I am in this moment, I will be fine during this moment, and I do not know what happens next.

Maybe I’ll figure something out today. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Back to Morning Runs

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Notice the exclamation mark? Yeah, rare, but needed today.

I went on my first run since the fight and boy did it feel good. I followed it with five 100-yard sprints and five stadium stair climbs. BOY, it felt good.

You know, summer is almost over. It’s a shame. But Fall is upon us shortly and that is super duper exciting. Runs in the Fall? Can’t beat those.

But why is the run important? I think it’s obviously important for physical health, but mentally it’s even more important.

I consider running the most difficult sport in the world if you’re running long distance. Why? Well, let’s say you’re running a marathon. That means you’re stuck alone with your thoughts as you trot along for four to six hours–that’s intense.

I would like to run a marathon one day. I think I could do it now, but the mental aspect of it all throws me off. I need to be a bit more solid up in the old noggin before I think about running 26.2 miles. Or do I? Maybe that’s a goal I set for myself. We’ll see. I was talking about finding a hobby not too long ago (don’t worry, I still want to do photography, just need to find the time).

The point of this blog is not to tell you running is tough. It isn’t. But the constant thinking that happens during a run is tough, especially for people like me. Maybe it’s difficult for you, too. I try to not think which makes me think more. Sometimes I succeed in my goal and just run. Man, there’s not much better than just running without a thought. I’m jealous of Forrest Gump for that–he seemed to be able to do that with ease.

So what am I leaving you with today? Nothing. Go find something for yourself (and I say that in the kindest way because I believe in you).

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Little Things Do Big Things

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Title written by a seven year old.

Hi, everybody!

As I continue to write to you, I continue to search for what to write about. So today we write about the simple things in life that make such a huge difference in our lives when we look back and truly think about them.

Today I woke up with a “here we go again” attitude. No good. No good. But I adjusted and I made sure to do the little things that I know help get me out of that train of thought. I made some coffee. Little, yes, but it did the job. I started to get a little pep in my step and hit the ground running with work.

Then I decided to put my foot down and say no to an upcoming interview. I don’t want the job. It’s simple as that. Why waste my time in an interview? Just because I want to see if I can get moved along in the process? Am I that bored? Yes. But I canceled that shit and that’s a little thing that helped me quite a bit today.

I went to the gym in the middle of the day. Again, little, but it’s probably the only reason I have energy to write to you right now. Aren’t you grateful? I know I am. Ha.

And I plan on doing a lot of little things as the day progresses. I mean, shit, I already grocery shopped and purchased some dog treats/snacks (one of my pups has a broken toe–no idea how he got it). Those are other little things I’ve done today to enhance how I feel today.

But let’s be honest. It comes down to you. It comes down to me. It comes down to our psyche. It always does. We can use little things to mask how we are really feeling, or we can acknowledge that we don’t have to feel a certain way if we can just let our psyche out of the chaotic mess it’s in once in a while. So yeah, little things do help, but do we need the help? We have everything we need right here, right inside our damn noggin and right underneath our chest.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Oddly Timed Off Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 1 Comment

Hi, everybody.

I’m the most spaced I’ve been in quite some time. I can’t put a thought together today and I can’t figure out why. Maybe I should stop saying “can’t”, that could be a limiting factor. Maybe I should just stop thinking about it so much and less it pass through me.

I know why I’m off. I injured my elbow last night and I’m not sure if it’s going to heal any time soon. It’s a muscle strain or tendinitis–either way it puts a damper on boxing. That sucks. I’m going to try to train a bit today with a brace on, but the pain I experienced last night when it flared up again during volleyball made me sweat. We’ll see if the ice and ibuprofen helped at all or if I’m fucked and have to rest it for a week or maybe more. I’m really hoping the pain can subside.

So that’s why I’m off. I actually took a half day for the afternoon because I just, well, just been thinking a lot today. And like I said above, nothing has really come from thinking today. If anything, I think I’ve finally hit exhaustion. Sadly I used that title like a month or two back.

I’ll stop blabbing on and on. I’ll try to leave you with something to think about today…

Is there something in your life you’re dependent on? For me, it’s boxing. I noticed today that I need to find some peace with losing boxing because it is 100% possible that happens at any point in my life.

Before I think my mind more into a pretzel, I’m going to head out. Thanks for sticking around for this nonsense today!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Quick Update: Fight Result

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everybody.

The training and mental work paid off. I won via unanimous decision—never a contest.

Hard work validated. Thanks for tagging along. Time to “rest” (kidding, I’m writing this from the boxing gym right now).

Believe in what you’re doing.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Relaxing Fight Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Honestly I’m pretty even-keeled today. My boxing match is later this afternoon–weighing 165.8 (perfect), feeling healthy, have liquids in me, and mentally I’m all here today. Oh, did I mention I went to bed at 11 PM last night? That’s unheard of.

I’ll update you lot with the results when I find time either later this evening or tomorrow morning. Appreciate you chilling on this journey with me. Let’s go!

Oh, side note: I’m extremely excited to see our younger boxer take her first fight today. She’s going to thoroughly kick ass, no doubt about it.

You must decide that you want to enjoy your life and that there is no reason for stress, inner pain, or fear.

Michael A. Singer

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Eating Before Weigh-In

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Well, tomorrow is the day! Back in the ring for the first time (competitively) in five or so years. Exciting stuff.

I’m going to hit you with quotes tomorrow… probably. Today I’ll quickly discuss how to manage diet leading into a boxing match.

Ha, just kidding. I’ve never known what to do outside of listen to my own body. I think that’s a solid plan anyway, don’t you? I woke up this morning, didn’t check weight, and went on an extremely light jog. Only went a mile. Weighed myself after, sitting right around weight (168.8, need to be 167-168). What’s that mean? Eat healthy today, eat light, go for a sweat, don’t drink too much water, and go for a tiny sweat in the morning before heading off to weigh in.

I really needed to type that out. To be truthful, this shit is stressful. It is. Thanks for being my sounding board at times.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Last Jog Before the Fight

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everybody.

I hope you’re having a splendid morning. I am, I think? Woke up, went for a 2-mile jog to get the legs going, had a great glass of iced coffee, and now I’m going to take a break from work and hit the sauna.

A couple days before the fight–always a weird time. You don’t know if you’re doing too much, too little, or just enough. Also, making sure you keep on weight is… stressful at times. But I’m here today not so much to talk about myself, but to talk about my journey to this fight.

I was thinking about it on my jog. I’ve trained over six months for this fight. Mentally I’ve been training for over a year. And it hasn’t been easy. I’ve had thoughts of suicide, spells of extreme loneliness, and many lash-outs to those I love. I’ve been nowhere near perfect, but without this fight and sport in front of me, I wouldn’t be typing to you right now. I would be dead.

This fight is life to me. Not life or death, but life. Yes, I may have some issues at work and with my overall life and where it’s headed (where the fuck is it headed?) but I do know one thing: I have a passion, and I’m following that passion.

My friends, no matter how you feel today, remember the journey. You’ve done so much to get to where you are right now–don’t discount that, even if it’s not exactly where you thought you would be. Remember, we have no fucking clue what’s going to happen in this world, in our own lives, hell, even within the next 10 or so minutes. Embrace it. Embrace your lack of control and be you. Be proud.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Not Writing About Me

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everybody.

I need you to hold me accountable. I’m writing too much about my damn self. See, even right now I’m writing about myself.

What brought this to mind? Well, that book I’ve been reading. Michael A. Singer’s book. Want to hear the quote that really struck a chord with me? Here it is:

Why do we have to think about ourselves all the time? Why are so many thoughts about I, me, and mine? Look how often you think about how you’re doing, whether you like things or not, and how to rearrange the world to please yourself. You think like this because you’re not okay inside, and you’re constantly trying to make yourself feel better…The only reason that you think about your psychological well-being so much is because it has not been okay for a very long time. It’s actually quite fragile in there. Just about anything can upset the psyche.

The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself, pg. 91

Yep, that hit me directly in the brain, heart, and well, pretty much all over. What is this blog’s purpose if not for that? To make me feel better about myself? Meh. I don’t want that. It’s time to do some thinking and understand why I write this blog each and every day. Is it simply a mask for how poorly I’m actually doing? I mean, it’s not like I hide that fact from you lot, but still. Definitely something to think about.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.