Where I’m at Today

Hi, everybody.

If you read my post from yesterday (about two sentences), you know I’m not in the greatest place right now. Days are again starting to repeat, and my “way out” turned out to be a big fat rejection yesterday that shocked me back down to a depressed state.

Yes, I know. Why am I complaining? I still have a job and I still have everything I had before this opportunity came up. I get that. But I don’t work this hard at everything in my life to just stay in the same place every single day. I look to improve, and right now I’m not seeing any improvement. If anything, all I notice is a decline.

So yeah, I’m not in a good place today. I haven’t eaten and the only thing I did for myself was go for a workout. I spar later today and I do feel bad for those that step in the ring with me. I have quite a bit of frustration and anger to let out.

Anyway, I’ll stop bitching. I’m just not in a good place and I don’t have anyone to talk to about where I’m really at in my head, and it’s scary. I hope you’re in a better place.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

NERVOUS

Hi, everybody.

Quick post today. Wish me luck. I have a huge interview at 3 PM CT that could really change a lot for me. I’ve prepared for it but you know how our brains work – very unpredictable.

I’m hoping the best of me comes out. I tried everything in my power so far to pull him out – boxing, running, walking the dogs, eating a little something. It doesn’t seem to be working but maybe by 3 PM I’ll have a bit less anxiety.

I really hope I do well here.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Writing Out the Nerves

Hi, everybody.

Look, I’m nervous. I have the interview that I’ve been thinking about ALL WEEKEND in just an hour or so. I plan on getting out of this meeting, going for a brief mile run, and taking some deep breaths.

I mean, my hands are already sweating. I don’t usually get nervous for these things.

I wanted to tell someone so I’ve decided to tell you. Voicing nerves and anxiety helps me beat those damn things. I know I’m ready for the interview. I know I’m a fantastic candidate. Now it’s time to truly show that through genuine belief in myself.

My therapist mentioned the “reparent” myself. Now’s the time to do so. Wish me luck! I’ll update you tomorrow.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Update: Success. Moved to the final interview. That mile jog really did the trick for me.

Super Prepared

Hi, everybody.

OK, today’s post won’t be about nothing. Don’t even bother reading yesterday’s post. That was an absolute train wreck. I’m scared to even go back and look myself.

Today is a GREAT day! First I started with some sleeping in – it felt nice. My puppy did not enjoy it AT ALL. I’ve never seen him look more starved (don’t worry, he eats PLENTY). I slept till about 8:30 AM and rolled out of bed, fed the dogs of course, swept, showered, walked the dogs, then I got to do something that’s really, really fun for me. I got to go coach a really cool little six-year old. He’s actually technically sound and has some power, and he’s only six! I talked with his mother today and it looks like she does want him to compete, so we could see the little guy competing in boxing (in a safe manner) as early as eight years old! A pretty fun development this morning.

Then I got my work in. Love getting my work in. Music blasting and head down, slamming the heavy bag after shadow boxing an imaginative opponent for a couple of rounds. I followed that with some battle rope work and medicine ball slams, all capped off with a 3-mile run that felt oh so good.

What a day so far, right? Well, I’m not even to the present yet. I came home and made a killer sandwich. You know how I always talk about “small happinesses”? That’s one of them. I really cherished the shit out of that sandwich today. Oh, and I had some AMAZING red kimchi with it. Mhm, mhm, good.

My dogs are really calm today. Both asleep right now. It’s great because I’m actually nervous for tomorrow. I spoke briefly at a tremendous career opportunity coming up here tomorrow. The second interview. I’m focused and I’ve done my research. Hell, I even have thoughtful questions typed out and ready to go for tomorrow already. I feel good about it.

I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but if I do get this job… well, a lot of my money stressors drop out of my life. And the prospect of that is so freeing. But again, I can’t get ahead of myself. I can’t think I’ve already won. I must stay in the moment, be aware of how I’m feeling and more importantly, how I’m responding, and go from there.

I’ll update you lot as I always do. I really hope you’re having an amazing Sunday and get a great start to the week.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Daily Practice

Hi, everybody!

Let’s face it. Blogging has turned into a daily practice for me. It’s almost as if I feel guilty not writing a blog a day now. Yeesh, that can’t be healthy, right?

Anyway, let’s talk a tad about mental health. I think it’s important for us to think about what’s in our daily routines and really dig into if they’re healthy or not. I would say most of my habits are healthy outside of my cannabis usage and nicotine pouches. Sometimes I eat too much. Other than that, I take good care of myself. But that’s not what I’m driving at here. Healthy doesn’t just mean physical. Is overexerting myself in the gym healthy? I don’t think so. Physically I think it is, mentally it’s far from helpful. Waking up tired and sore and trying to figure out how you’re going to get through the next workout is… stressful.

There’s much more than just working out in my daily routine that could be considered unhealthy. Quite a bit actually. I would say my job is one of them.

What am I talking about? I’ll get to the purpose of this blog at some point here. Maybe.

I’d like to dive into this further but a friend is stopping by for dinner–I just heard the car door. Sorry for such an odd blog today. I’ll do better for you next time, I promise.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

A Sigh (or Sign) of Relief

Hi, everybody.

Well, I might have finally struck gold. Three members of my team at work left for another company recently and now they’re actively recruiting me. So much so that they’re willing to put interviews on my calendar for next Monday and Tuesday! I mean, we already have the second interview scheduled? They must love my LinkedIn profile quite a bit.

But it really is a huge stress reliever. This company wants to move fast and it’s a 50% pay increase. Also, it’s a job I think I would enjoy much more at a company that’s growing at an immense pace. Also, leadership looks solid across the board.

But I can’t count my chickens before they hatch (that’s the first time I’ve used that expression, I don’t know if I used it correctly) and I must make sure to stay focused on the task at hand: Absolutely crushing the interviews.

Wish me luck. I need a change.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Another Day, Another Bill Pay

Hi, everybody!

Well, it’s the 23rd of the month so guess what?! It’s BILL DAY! Gas, electric, and internet all came in this morning (it’s like they communicate with each other) and I have to admit, now that I’m 30 it feels FANTASTIC to pay your bills on time. And that’s just what I did.

But you don’t want to read about me paying bills, so let’s get into this shitty brain of mine, eh?

I’ve been told to reparent myself – not doing a great job at it so far. I just told you lot that I have a shitty brain. I’m supposed to tell myself I have a special brain or some shit.

Honestly, I’m quite mad I spent money on my last therapy session. It wasn’t worth it. It struck up some old stuff. Some stuff from the past. But it didn’t help me to move forward or to do what I actually want to do – stay in the moment. And I’m starting to question therapy (and I LOVE therapy) because there’s so much focus on the past. And I’m done with the damn past. Are you? I hate the past.

It’s just another day for me. Fall is hitting and I’m loving that. Waking up and throwing on a sweatshirt always feels good – comforting, really – and I’m excited to get my Fall workouts in. They’re usually my best workouts of the year.

Oh, daily reminder that I very much dislike my job.

Are you excited for Fall?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Somewhat of a Milestone, Somewhat of a Brag

Hi, everybody!

OK so yeah, this blog might be a little big of a brag. I knew I could do what I set out to do yesterday, but I had no idea it would be THAT easy.

So what did I do?

Nothing crazy. I went for a run. I decided seven miles is the goal and the pace needs to be at a max of eight minutes. I ended up easily running the seven and getting right around seven minutes and thirty seconds as an average. AND GUESS WHAT? I think I could hit seven minutes next time. We’ll see. My final mile was sub-seven, so I feel pretty confident.

Now, here’s the problem. I’m 30 and I haven’t ran that long of a distance in long while. MY BODY HURTS. My legs feel like cement getting jackhammered. But I’m proud of myself and wow, the sunset running around the lake was something special last night. And here’s another “guess what”: I went on the run with someone I care about. Now, she ended up being about fifteen minutes behind me, but she absolutely killed the run, too. I am a man over six feet with long legs – hard to keep up with me.

But yeah, today is a lifting day and a boxing day. Tomorrow will either be sparring or a rest day. IF tomorrow isn’t a rest day, Friday most definitely will be.

What challenges have you put in front of yourself recently? Have you dominated them? I hope you’re challenging yourself every single damn day. It’s worth it. Trust me.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

WHAT DO I DO

Hi, everybody.

This will be quick because it’s just a freakout. It’s an issue I have EVERY SINGLE WORK DAY.

I need a new job. This shit is driving me nuts. Never have I been more lackluster in my efforts at a place of employment, even back in my serving and bartending days. The leadership sucks, the structure sucks, and our strategies suck. I need a way out – luckily I have an interview either later this week or early next week with another company that actually makes a damn difference in people’s lives.

But shit, I need to get out. When you’re struggling with your job, the worth of it, etc., what do you do to perk yourself up? Or do you just say fuck it, time to get a new job? I’m at the latter stages. I’ve given this job… about 5 months. It’s not getting better. If anything, it’s getting more and more disorganized. It’s shitty to see, but at least I’m seeing it for what it’s worth and trying to make moves out of it.

But again, WHAT DO I DO?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.