I Lied

Hi, everybody!

It’s in the title: I lied. I’m writing to you again after just yesterday telling you I’m done writing for a bit. Oh, boy, how easy do I mess up?

But it’s not a bad thing. I actually had a tremendous day so far and I think the evening is promising.

This goes to show you that it’s important to live in each moment and not think about each possible moment, past or future. Yesterday I felt done with this blog. Today I felt compelled to write to you lot.

I always talk about it: Change is inevitable. It’s going to show up and when it does, be adaptable. You don’t have a choice. Change will always be there, knocking at your front door. Hell, sometimes just skydiving through your ceiling. Be ready for it. I know I’m not all the time but I’m working towards that.

I am aware and I am at ease. Say that a few times… then live the moment you’re in.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

The Importance of Routine (For Me)

Hi, everybody.

I write about routine quite often, but it’s really important to me. So here I go again, writing about it. Do I routinely write about routine?

My routine does vary. I promise you. I don’t do the same exact shit every single day, but I do make sure to knock a few things off my list each and every day. What does this do for me? Well, it tells me that I’m still on track. That I’m not losing my shit and I’m not a piece of shit. It reminds me of the progress I make throughout the day. It reminds me, even when I’m down and out, that I can get shit done.

It may be a small part of life but I truly think it’s important one. Now, a routine isn’t for everyone. I’ve known plenty people in the past that a routine does the exact opposite for them. It stresses them out. Makes them feel boxed in. All that jazz. For me, it’s different.

So, what do I make sure to include in my daily routine?

  • Blog (even if I don’t have much to write about… as you’ve seen)
  • Dog walk (sometimes 2x, sometimes 3x)
  • Workout and/or coaching (sometimes light, most of the time heavy)
  • SOMETHING for breakfast (yogurt, toast, or a full-blown American breakfast)
  • 5-10 Minutes at night to sit with my dogs and just breathe

Now there’s plenty else involved. Sometimes I do a bit of graphic design. As you all know, I do hold a full-time job, too, so that’s included in the routine.

But it’s very important for me. I don’t know if you lot are mostly routine people or not, but if you are, make sure you understand the real significance in having that routine. You aren’t just “going through the motions”, you’re doing part of what makes you, you.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Subtle Changes

Hi, everybody.

I’m back and I’m back with a much better attitude today, thankfully. A few things happened yesterday after I blogged!

  • My roommate came back from Colorado after a 3-week stay.
  • I lost my mind at volleyball, along with one of my other teammates, because we did everything we could to win but our teammates… well, frankly they just suck. There’s no easy way of putting it.
  • More success at work! Demo this morning went well and I woke up extremely early and did it without much help. That’s not like me and I take that as a small success.
  • The most important change: Me. I’m in a much better headspace today and it’s noticeable.

So how did I get out of my shit from yesterday? I think I typed it out. I am aware and I am at ease. I don’t write these things for nothing. I write them as a form of therapy for myself and hopefully it helps you, too. If it doesn’t, well, thanks for reading.

Living in the moment is so very important, but understanding there’s most likely more moments to come is also very important. Why? Well, it’s pretty simple. If you’re living in a shitty moment right now, understand there will be plenty more moments that won’t be like that shitty moment you’re experiencing right now. Trust me on that. If you don’t think you’ll make it past this shitty moment, talk to someone about it. Please. I’m not a burden on anyone. You aren’t a burden on anyone. We’re in this shit together.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pop’s Day

Hi, everybody.

Happy Pop’s Day to all you wonderful fathers out there. You are appreciated, very appreciated.

Right now I’m in my parent’s living room. Typing here on my phone. I don’t have much to say—I’m just grateful. I’m grateful to have such a wonderful family and a Pops that’s always supported me.

My Pops never told me who to be. He let me be me, even if I was shitting the bed there for a bit. My Pops never tried to influence how I thought. He knew I understood right v. wrong, it just took me a bit to put that knowledge into action.

I feel like my Pops has always had trust in me. And that means the world to me. He’s the best damn man on this planet, he really is. I’m grateful to have him. I am grateful to spend part of this day with him.

I hope you get a chance to hug or high-five your Pops today. If you don’t have a father, please forgive me. To all those celebrating, enjoy your day. Show gratitude.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Feelin’ “Blah” Again

Hi, everybody.

Welp, this is why the site is called “The Two Sides of Me” because guess what?! I’m back in the dumps. Why? No fucking clue. Can I get out of it? What do you think I’m trying to do here?!

I know I’m in control of myself now. I can push myself through these “blah” days and fuck, that feels amazing. Each word I’m typing here is freeing me of that negative mindset, that mindset that I’m not good enough for today. Writing is so damn powerful.

But I’d love to find out why I feel this way so very often. What am I doing the night before to make me wake up in such a slump? Or is it something I’ll just have to deal with the rest of my life? I think it’s that. I think I’ll be dealing with this poo for the rest of my life… but to be honest, I’m OK with that. I know I’m strong enough to push through and if I’m not, I have a support system to back me up. I’m blessed. I’m grateful.

What about you, though? Are you taking a moment each day to check in on yourself to see how you’re really doing? Not your Instagram, not your Twitter, but your real life. How are you actually doing? If your blood pressure spikes reading that question, take a deep breath. You’re not fucked. You’re just aware now. That’s powerful.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pop’s Birthday

Hi, everybody!

Today is a special day. The man himself, Pops, turned ## today!

We golfed this morning. Relaxing. Had a couple of arguments but we’re past those already.

If you have family, keep them close, even if you tend to get on each other’s nerves every so often. Family is important. You’re important.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Oh also, Pops, if you’re reading this—I love you and appreciate you. Thank you for being there for me every second of my life. – Bud

Sunny Days, Sunny Days

Hi, everybody.

I GOT PAID TODAY. IT FELT GREAT TO PAY OFF SOME BILLS.

OK, moving on. Everyone, today is GORGEOUS where I’m at. As always, I started with a nice cup of cold brew and a dog walk. Amazing walk. Dogs barely pulled me (I’m kidding, they destroy me… always).

After that, I jumped into meetings. Tonight is my Pop’s birthday dinner. I mean, can this day get much better?

IT CAN! I don’t have to work at the boxing club tonight and my body truly needs the rest. Instead I get to eat steak and shrimp. I can’t believe I come on this blog to complain. I mean read what I just said: I get to eat steak and shrimp.

Gratitude. I need to work on that.

I am grateful for today. I’m grateful for every day I’m still here. Some nights I still think I’d be better off dead, but the morning comes and that changes. Do you lot have those feelings at night? Am I the only one? It keeps me up at night.

It’s time to focus in on the moment. On this sunny day. I hope wherever you’re at is gorgeous as well, my friends.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Money Still on My Mind

Hi, everybody.

I can’t stop thinking about it. It doesn’t help that I see people with much more money than I have at a much younger age. I feel like I’ve failed to this point. My 401k is nothing special, my investments are shit, and my savings is more than lacking.

I’m drowning. I just want to not worry about money for a month or two. That’s it. But bills keep piling on. Medical expenses mainly. I need to get my wrist checked out because I can’t pick up anything with it but I can’t take on that medical bill. It’s just too much for me.

I ordered contacts today. That’ll be $200. When will I pick them up? Probably Friday after I’m paid. Because right now I’m back to living paycheck to paycheck. Actually I wouldn’t even call it living. I’m under stress every day from it even with paying my bills on time. I keep seeing the red get more red. I need it to stop. I need it to stop. But it won’t. I’ll stay in this cycle forever by the looks of it. It’s been over a decade like this. I have no clue how to fix it. No clue whatsoever. My only option right now feels like investments. Long-term of course, but fuck I need to handle my debt. I need to. It eats at me.

UGH.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Money Problems

Hi, everyone.

I don’t have “money problems”. I mean, I do, but it’s more debt problems. Nothing major but it does bother me. One thing I haven’t figured out yet is how to properly manage my money, my budget, etc..

And without management, shit hits the fan. Like today when I logged into my accounts: YEESH. Can’t wait till Friday for my paycheck so I can pay off debt, pay off medical bills, and be exactly where I am right now. See, that’s the thing: The money never stops going out. It stops coming in, but it never stops going out.

I’m stressed. Everything that was going well for me is spiraling downward, including boxing. I’m losing it a bit. I’m waking up a bit later now, lacking motivation, and my thoughts before bed are horrendous.

I’m scared again. This should be titled “Problems”, not “Money Problems”.

Oh, I think this makes 50 days in a row. Yippee. Hooray. Meh.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pool Chilling (My Day)

Hi, everybody.

I’m a freak about this streak now. I already posted today (check it out – really good quotes) but it didn’t give me the streak reward. So here I am.

I made today about me. I woke up, walked the dogs before it got too warm, and headed to the gym. Got in a few solid bag rounds and now I’m out by the pool. I was reading but this blog distracted me. You lot distracted me. I can blame you, right?

I do need to get back to reading.

But today is my day. I’ll do what I want. I plan to make NFTs later (yeah, I know, weird), followed by volleyball and USA soccer.

Today will be a good day. Nothing will stop that.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.