Money Still on My Mind

Hi, everybody.

I can’t stop thinking about it. It doesn’t help that I see people with much more money than I have at a much younger age. I feel like I’ve failed to this point. My 401k is nothing special, my investments are shit, and my savings is more than lacking.

I’m drowning. I just want to not worry about money for a month or two. That’s it. But bills keep piling on. Medical expenses mainly. I need to get my wrist checked out because I can’t pick up anything with it but I can’t take on that medical bill. It’s just too much for me.

I ordered contacts today. That’ll be $200. When will I pick them up? Probably Friday after I’m paid. Because right now I’m back to living paycheck to paycheck. Actually I wouldn’t even call it living. I’m under stress every day from it even with paying my bills on time. I keep seeing the red get more red. I need it to stop. I need it to stop. But it won’t. I’ll stay in this cycle forever by the looks of it. It’s been over a decade like this. I have no clue how to fix it. No clue whatsoever. My only option right now feels like investments. Long-term of course, but fuck I need to handle my debt. I need to. It eats at me.

UGH.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Money Problems

Hi, everyone.

I don’t have “money problems”. I mean, I do, but it’s more debt problems. Nothing major but it does bother me. One thing I haven’t figured out yet is how to properly manage my money, my budget, etc..

And without management, shit hits the fan. Like today when I logged into my accounts: YEESH. Can’t wait till Friday for my paycheck so I can pay off debt, pay off medical bills, and be exactly where I am right now. See, that’s the thing: The money never stops going out. It stops coming in, but it never stops going out.

I’m stressed. Everything that was going well for me is spiraling downward, including boxing. I’m losing it a bit. I’m waking up a bit later now, lacking motivation, and my thoughts before bed are horrendous.

I’m scared again. This should be titled “Problems”, not “Money Problems”.

Oh, I think this makes 50 days in a row. Yippee. Hooray. Meh.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pool Chilling (My Day)

Hi, everybody.

I’m a freak about this streak now. I already posted today (check it out – really good quotes) but it didn’t give me the streak reward. So here I am.

I made today about me. I woke up, walked the dogs before it got too warm, and headed to the gym. Got in a few solid bag rounds and now I’m out by the pool. I was reading but this blog distracted me. You lot distracted me. I can blame you, right?

I do need to get back to reading.

But today is my day. I’ll do what I want. I plan to make NFTs later (yeah, I know, weird), followed by volleyball and USA soccer.

Today will be a good day. Nothing will stop that.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Making My Own Schedule

Hi, everyone.

Have I written about this before? I think I have. It would be simple to go back and look but let’s just carry on, shall we?

Why am I asking you that? You don’t make my schedule.

See what I did there? (Corny, yeah.) I am having some issues. This morning I went into training again and received no mitt work, no instruction, and I was told to help another boxer out. I was supposed to fight June 26th. Coach says I’m not ready, but I’ve been running my sprints and doing everything on my own to make sure I am ready.

But he won’t train me. He won’t put in the time. But I’m putting in the time to come work with the other boxers and help coach and yada yada. And I love coaching, you lot know that, but I don’t like commitments broken. A week or two back, Coach told me we would put together a training schedule to get ready. He was at my house for Memorial Day. We didn’t get a schedule put together.

Frustrating.

So now what do I do? Oh, today is also filled with everything that I didn’t come up with. Not a single thing on my agenda is something I said, “Hey, let’s do this.” Am I bitching over nothing? Probably. But I can bitch here. See, that’s the power of having this outlet. I can come here and bitch to you lot. And if you don’t like it, you can shut down the WordPress app or open a new tab, but that’s what this place does for me. Allows a release.

My buddy gave me a poem yesterday. I think it’s a good thing to leave off with because the main reason for this blog today was to get this shit out of my head and put it down. Make it concrete. Stop thinking about it so much internally and push it out to you lot. Aren’t you feeling lucky today? But again I’m getting off track. Let’s read this poem my buddy gave me, yeah?

Like cairns on an unkempt trail
words point the way
to the summit of thought
the last though before silence
swallows the world in realization
that the symbols are stones
just lying around
waiting aeons to roll toward the sea
until we stack them
upon one another to say,
“This way! You’re on the right track.”
to someone we may never shake hands,
nor share our water with
because deep down we know
that they are the same as us
and feel safer when another self
leaves a cairn or a ladder of words
to let us know that they too chose
this path and found sure footing there.
Unknown Poet

My buddy got me that poem because that’s what this blog kinda is. And fuck it’s a good poem, isn’t it? I don’t even like poetry and I like that one.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Finding Time for Myself

Hi, everybody.

Here I am, again, struggling to find time. Struggling to achieve anything outside of what others want from me. This weekend I have a surprise 30th birthday party, training, mandatory landscaping work, a date, and somehow I need to get my week ready for work next week.

It’s becoming a bit too much. I’m drowning. I’m waking up disappointed, defeated. I go to bed later because I don’t want the responsibilities of the next day to fall on me.

Is this being an adult? Having a calendar and literally just making sure I’m going to everything I’ve lent a commitment to (purposefully or forced)? It can’t be. I want to travel. I want to get out and do more things for myself. I want to be selfish right now before this becomes a problem and drops me back to where I was.

Sadly, I don’t know how to do that. Telling people “no” isn’t my thing. Also, I use a lot of my time to help others, whether it’s resumes or boxing, so without me around, where do they go?

Anyway, sorry for bitching. I’m struggling again. This upcoming weekend isn’t exciting for me, it’s just more work.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Face to Face Meeting!

Hi, everyone!

We’re back! I’m in Sales as many of you know. Today is a big day. The person who handled the state I live in was fired, so I asked to take over for her. First things first, I hit up some of my old contacts. BOOM! First outreach, first meeting booked. And guess what? It’s in person. It’s been… over a year and a half since I’ve had a business meeting in person. I’m fucking pumped.

I thrive in person, believe it or not. Online? Not as much but I still do well. I’m very excited to be able to be myself 100% and just have a conversation with the guy. A “no” is the worse that can happen. Don’t let “no” bring you fear. It used to scare me. Now I embrace it. You want to know what I really, really dislike? “Maybe”. Like… get out of here with that. Give me a yes or a no. It’s simple.

Is the world getting back to “normal”? Sure feels like it. I’m hoping I hit big on commission soon so I can get out to see my buddy on the east coast. Today’s my first step towards that.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

P.S. I had some wonderful quotes from Marcus Aurelius to post today but I think I’ll get those in later this week.

What’s Next?

Hi, everybody.

You’ve heard me ask it a few times this week: What’s next?

I’ve found my routine. I enjoy my routine. I mention my routine quite a bit to you lot. Just now I mentioned it three times. However, I need more spice in my life. God, I felt lame typing that. Still feel lame. Let’s move on.

What do I mean by spice? Shit, I don’t really know. I would love to travel to the east coast to see my best friend but that costs a bit of money and I would need to find dog sitters. Outside of that, I’d love to umm… I really don’t know. My fight was called off due to my coach… not really coaching me. Kind of a bummer but I’ll keep training and stay ready. I’m enjoying how I feel outside of the aches and pains that come with it nowadays being 30 and all.

I’m getting distracted. So what’s next? I’d love some damn ideas. If you have some, shoot them over. I still coach. I obviously still blog. I still play video games. I still walk my dogs. I mean, my days are relatively full, but they’re missing something.

Maybe it’s not about what’s next and it’s more about what am I missing? Or am I missing anything at all? Just awareness? Am I lacking gratitude?

Writing is fucking weird and powerful. I have no conclusion here at the end of this blog but my initial question transferred me to a new question. Time to explore.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Sluggish

Hi, everybody!

Still no great idea on a “theme” for this blog moving forward so again, you get to read me just word vomit this late morning.

Sluggish? Yeah, I’m sluggish today. Tired because I stayed up too late looking at screens (boxing fights on demand aren’t fair). I need to eat healthier. I’m supposed to box competitively in two weeks and I have 5 pounds to cut. Nothing major there. But I do need to eat healthier. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling sluggish?

Maybe I’m sluggish because I keep telling myself I’m sluggish. Ever thought about that? Maybe if I get off my ass right now and walk my dogs, the whole day will change. Energy will increase. I’ll be able to smile with both eyes open. Maybe. But that maybe is worth a shot. I’ll talk to you lot tomorrow.

Eh, I feel bad about the lack of effort here. How about a quote before I go?

Happiness releases you from self. It is suffering and pain and misery and depression that tie you to the self. Look how conscious you are of your tooth when you have a toothache. When you don’t have a toothache, you’re not even aware you have a tooth, or that you have a head, for that matter, when you don’t have a headache. But it’s so different when you have a splitting headache.

Awareness by Anthony de Mello

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Blogs For Days

Hi, everybody.

We’re at Day 33 now. Insane. Never thought we’d get this far on this streak.

To be fair, I’m not writing because of the streak anymore. Sadly I can’t prove that because again I’m waking up with no real thoughts to put to paper, but just thinking this shit out helps me every morning. I guess you could say it’s part of my routine now.

And I’m over 130 blogs now. I’m fuckin’ stoked about that.

It’s my 30th birthday weekend. I might, might not blog this weekend. I really don’t know. I’ve been quiet about it because it’s honestly scary for me to think about (never thought I’d make it this far – seems to be a theme) so I don’t have much planned. That means I should have time to write. But I don’t want to commit. So I’m not going to commit. That’s my birthday present to myself.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.