Tag: writer

I Need To Write

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hello, everybody. Good morning.

I put a reminder in my phone last night to blog, but on Thursday. I couldn’t wait. I don’t have much to say, but I’m sure that will change as I continue to type this out.

I’m currently at the dog park. This is my routine now: Wake up at 5, work out, dog park, work, work out/coach, stay up far too late, and repeat. It’s not sustainable, but I’m somewhat enjoying it.

My main problem right now are my relationships with people. Family, friends, potential romances. I’m shut down and closed off from it. I’m not finding joy in people or myself, and it worries me.

So what can I do about that? Not quite sure. Started with this — and I have my monthly therapy session on Friday. Things usually turn around, but I’d love some stability with my happiness. I know it’s on me, but I promise I’m trying. It’s just not easy. Never let anyone take that validation away from you. You feel how you feel – and only you know how strong that grip is around you. No one else.

I think I’ll start by continuing my routine, and maybe I step outside my comfort zone and ask a woman to dinner this week. Maybe I go grab a drink with a friend. But hopefully? Hopefully I find happiness within myself. And I hope the same for you, too.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

2022 – So What?

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

The title reads in a negative light. It isn’t supposed to. My bad.

Tomorrow we start 2022! To be completely honest, I’m not at all a “NEW YEAR, NEW ME” type of person, but I am proud of what I’ve accomplished this year. And I’m proud of the ones around me. Grateful, too.

This year had its ups and downs, that’s for sure. But if we were to sum it all up, I think the ups outweigh the downs. And that’s what we want, right?

This year has been about awareness for me. Truly the first year I’ve really focused in on it – and boy am I glad I did so. I’m aware of how I feel so much more often now and CAN STOP myself from doing horrible things and/or saying terrible things.

I’ve also grown professionally and grown physically. Mentally I’ve grown. All year – growth!

Have you checked in with yourself in a bit? You should. I bet you surprise yourself with all the awesome stuff you did this year (and no, it doesn’t have to be a trip to Jamaica or some shit).

Good luck in 2022. Thanks for tagging along with me on these blog posts. I appreciate you all pushing me to write more and more. It helps.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Decision Made

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

It’s a R&R type of afternoon and I’ve had some time to think about this blog. I’ve decided the quality of my posts has drastically taken a hit with this damn streak on my mind, so I’ve set an end date for the streak.

With this post, it will be 147(?) posts in 147 days. That’s a lot. I think a lot but not enough to write THAT much. So I’ll be calling my daily streak quits at 150.

Now that sounds like a commitment, I get it, but it’s not. If I feel like I need to keep writing to solve a thought in my head or if my anxiety kicks in and doesn’t want to let the streak go away, I will continue to write.

But right here, right now, I think a good stopping point is 150 posts in 150 days. The goal was originally 30 posts in 30 days. We’re about to 5x that! Insane, right?

But the content has struggled as of yet. I apologize for that. I don’t know if it’s really because I’m writing too much. I think it’s just been my mood. I’m back to that whole “not excited” me. I hate this version. Luckily it hasn’t been hitting me like a ton of bricks as it usually does, but that time could come if I don’t figure something out.

So yeah, I might keep writing. But right now, let’s agree to stop at 150.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Understanding Yourself

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Do you have a difficult time understanding yourself? I do. Not all the time but, well, a lot of the time.

The funny thing? Most people I know think I’m one of the most confident people they know. The faces we can put on, right? You lot know the real me more than most in real life.

Are we made to understand ourselves? What’s to understand? Both good questions and both extremely difficult to answer. I mean, even when I think about things now, I wonder how I’ll ever “understand” myself or what that even means. But I came into writing this blog thinking it. Now, after the wonderful power of writing struck, I don’t think there is an understanding of ourselves. I mean, we kind of just are what we are, right? No need to understand it.

Again, what the hell did I just write?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Lake Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I’ve waited all summer for this day. Finally, I’m on a lake.

The person I’m with just ran three miles with me around the lake — that was nice. Guess what? Now it’s time for some tacos and beer. Tomorrow we get back into the thick of training. Let’s have some fun tonight, yeah?

But I have to leave you with something, don’t I? Something to think about. So how about this: Don’t think about anything. Try that. Just let today be today and enjoy yourself. Hell, if you’re successful, it might just roll in tomorrow and you might just enjoy tomorrow, too! That would be nuts, right?

We can hope. We can do our best. We can live. Maybe one day we can live on a lake.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

It’s A QD!

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Quote day. QD stands for quote day.

Hi, everybody.

I’m currently at a graduation party but I wanted to write a bit — then I realized I don’t have much today. So what did I do? Scoured the internet for some gosh darn amazing quotes. Just for you.

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.

Morris West

You can say that again.

Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart.

Seneca

I mean, that’s hard to argue.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Vivian Greene

Sense a theme yet?

Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.

Les Brown

Yup.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Me

Quick Update: Fight Result

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everybody.

The training and mental work paid off. I won via unanimous decision—never a contest.

Hard work validated. Thanks for tagging along. Time to “rest” (kidding, I’m writing this from the boxing gym right now).

Believe in what you’re doing.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

If You’re Like Me, Read This

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

A friend who shares somewhat similar struggles as me recommended a book recently. Usually I say “OK, I’ll read it” and never follow through.

Well, it helps your recommendation to be read if I’m attracted to you. And that’s the case here. But boy, am I glad I listened to her and my attraction.

What’s this book? Published in 2007, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer, provides a gut punch to your inner self. The battle between outer vs. inner. You know, a lot of what this blog is about. At least that’s what I’ve read so far.

Pick the book up if you want to. I’m three chapters in and it’s already caught my eye. Enough so where I’m recommending it this early. Hell, the book could be absolutely terrible by the end of it all. But if you pick it up, at least read through chapter three.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Confusing Days

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Sometimes my days consist of me fighting off all the negativity within my head. Today was one of those days—and I never got ahold of it.

I know I can drop this moment and move forward, move past it. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter—right?

Wrong.

I need to figure out why I have so many poor days. So many days where my mind traps my body. I speak about awareness, but I have so much to work on in that area. Let’s do this together, yeah?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

100 Freakin’ Days

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Welp, we finally made it. We’ve hit the 100-day streak, baby! We originally set out for a week, then we pushed it to 30. There were whispers, “there’s no chance he makes it.” but HA, how wrong were they? Then we hit fiddy. I thought we were done there but nope, the fingers kept tip-tapping.

75. No way.

80. Must be running out of gas (definitely was).

90. So close yet so far.

95. End soon? Nothing to really write about.

100. Here we are. Here we freakin’ are. (I’ll stop using that word now.)

I’ve been thinking about this moment for, well, like just yesterday. Not going to lie to you lot. I didn’t think this far ahead. So now that we are at 100, I feel like I should post a reflection on what this accomplishment means to me. Or better yet, what this accomplishment has taught me along the way. I might pull from some blog posts if I gain the courage to read back that far (I cringe at my writing like most writers). We’ll see what this turns into. It’s always a surprise, isn’t it? I think we should keep it that way. Especially on the last day (spoiler, I will be moving to a post a week, maybe two).

OK, so what first happened to start all of this? I think I was just starting my new job, yep, looks like it was that. It was extremely slow the first month or so at the new gig, so it makes sense I decided to start typing nonsense every day to fill time.

Ah, the 30-day post! And of course, I posted it from my phone. Sheesh. What did I write about here? Ah! I established that I built the habit by the 30-day mark. That was a huge moment. Made me feel like I could keep going and going and going, and well, look where we’re at now.

Some themes I’m noticing as I look back: Gratitude, awareness, and doggos. Oh, constant mood changes, too. It’s almost as if the name of this blog actually makes sense. The mood changes, reflecting on them now, make me feel… alive. I mean this blog wouldn’t exist without my little bit of crazy (or lotta bit). I’m grateful for that. This blog helped me become aware of my mood changes and aware of all of the things I should be grateful for. Am I grateful all of the time? Hell no, but I’m working towards it. This blog proves that.

Some girl problems happen throughout the rest of the way. Oh, I also snuck in “quote days”, which were really just lazy days for me. Yes, I made sure to provide quotes that I actually like and resonate with me, but simply enough I just didn’t have anything to write to you lot on those days. I hope you appreciated the quotes as they were filled with much more wisdom than I possess, ha!

So this is the end, eh? We’ll see. Now I know I can quite a bit of what I set my mind to. This is day 100, baby. Day 100. That’s insane. Last year I thought blogging was somewhat stupid, now I’m slapping myself in the face for not starting sooner.

I highly recommend putting your thoughts into something, whether it’s actual conversation or written word, I highly recommend it. It’s kept me at ease, kept negative thoughts at bay, and helped me grow significantly over the past 3-4 months. Well, shit, I guess over the past year. I started this thing last July (2020). I didn’t think we’d make it this far. I thought I’d be dead. I guess I thought wrong. Thank you for helping.

Don’t worry, this isn’t goodbye. Will you see a post from me tomorrow? Maybe. But I do want to move to posts with more substance, so as I mentioned above, we might move to a 1-2 blog posts a week schedule. Still TBD.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for being such great readers. For tagging along this entire time. For making me feel heard. You lot are something special.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.