Tag: friends

Not Nearly as Consistent

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I know, I know. Last time I blogged I told you lot that I’m back, I’d write more, yada yada. Well, you know life. Shit happens. And it hasn’t been bad shit, I’ve just been busy getting my life back in order after those blips I mentioned in my last blog post.

It’s been hectic getting everything back together in my life. Dog passed unexpectedly, gf broke up with me due to my mental health (again), totaled my car (my fault, yikes), my boxing match didn’t happen because my opponent found himself in jail… and I’m sure there was more.

I’m not here to bitch. I”m here to be grateful and share what I’m excited about.

I’m grateful for my Pops. Without him, I would be drowning in even more depression and even more debt. He’s truly a special individual. I love him with all my heart – even though I fail to showcase it at times.

I’m grateful for my best friend. He knows who he is. He’s brought me outta the mud so many times and with our new NFT venture, it’s really given me another outlet to “distract” myself with. No, I don’t think distracting yourself is good but I don’t mean it that way. I just can’t seem to come up with another word. I guess “hobby” fits. Anyway, if you’re reading this, thank you.

I’m grateful for the communities I’m in, the people around me, my boxers who made a custom hat which says “Coach {{lastname}}”. I’m grateful for so fucking much. I should get that tattooed on the back of my hand or somewhere VERY noticeable. Just to remind myself. I am grateful for so. fucking. much.

I hope to write more. I’m not pushing pressure on myself to do so anymore. I’ll write when I feel like writing. Don’t worry, I still love you lot. And I’m still here. If you comment, I’ll see it. I’ll respond. I’ll be here to chat with you. But I’m done imprisoning myself in thinking “I need to do this, I need to do that”. It’s not healthy.

I’m excited for so many things. I started an amazing new job and it provides so much opportunity. Opportunity to finally look at my life-long goal of owning a free to the public boxing gym as something achievable.

But it’s not about the job. It’s about my state of mind nowadays. I’ve changed. Yeah, I’m still conquered at times by my mental health struggles, but I understand limits and understand my potential. I’m much more aware than I’ve ever been, in and outside the ring.

Enough about me. I hope you’re doing fuckin’ fantastic. If not, hit me up. Let’s chat about it.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

New Streak?

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I put up a post yesterday while I was lying in bed sweating. If you missed it, well you missed that I missed writing a post for the first time in 168 days or something. I woke up devastated (and hungover). But I read an excerpt of a great book and it pushed me right out of that negative space.

So now my thought is… do I build up a new streak? I mean, it did keep structure in my life. It kept me focused on the task at hand and you lot ended up being an army of therapists for me. It’s kind of nice, ya know? But there is stress that comes with having to write every day.

Now that I think about it (see, I always say writing is so very important to think things through), I don’t believe I’ll give a shit about a streak going forward. I want to provide good content for you lot, my audience. You don’t need fluff. You want to read good shit, not a bunch of words just to hit a damn streak.

But thank you. Thank you for sticking through the streak with me. Some of you read every single post. I really appreciated that. Some of you commented your own thoughts and built a small conversation with me, I am so grateful for that.

I hope this blog keeps growing. I need to figure out how to make it grow. I’m not in writing for money but I would love to reach a larger audience (insert ad – kidding). I would love to chat with more people. If you have any ideas, maybe even a website revamp, let me know. I love hearing from you.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Celebrating Others

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Gooooood morning!

It actually is a good morning. Last night I had a great time with a friend and we followed it up with a drive through a torrential downpour. It was pretty awesome. Downtown is flooded but… it still looked and felt pretty dang cool. (I hope everyone is alright downtown, of course.)

But last night at dinner I found some trouble within myself. I noticed I wasn’t truly embracing and relishing in my friend’s recent successes. Instead, I was thinking if I did anything about as cool/even better. What kind of dick thinks that way?

A lot of us do. And a lot of us need to change that. It all comes down to being an active listener. That whole idea of listening to listen, not to respond. You don’t always have to have something to say back—sometimes a nod is better than breaking off into your own tangent.

Think about it, though. If you give others your undivided attention and just purely listen, there’s a good chance they notice that and do the same for you when you want to share successes or even failures.

Become an active listener. I have said it since my last breakup and I am still working on it daily. I think it’s something we should all work on. Don’t you?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Jam-Packed Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Spoiler: Nothing really to write, just wanted to check in and say hi. Hope you’re having a wonderful weekend so far. Also, I’m pretty sure I grossly messed up the title. I don’t know if a hyphen should be there. I really don’t. I’m just winging it, alright?

What are we thinking about today? Lots of things.

  • The girlfriend is in Egypt and she’s homesick and it’s impacting how she’s interacting with me.
  • I have lunch with a couple of friends and then a shit show of a party to go to.
  • I’m really excited for Monday. Why? I get to work on chores and get myself ready for a big week.
  • I’m getting slightly nervous for my trip to Dallas to meet all of my new coworkers.
  • I’m happy I’m writing right now.

I talk about gratitude a lot and I hope it resonates with you as it does with me. Each time I sit down here to write, I’m reminded to be grateful for everything I have in my life, both inside and outside of myself.

We have this one shot, everybody. Let’s use it. And if you don’t want to use it today, that’s just fine. You’ll have more opportunities. I promise.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Fourth of July Weekend!

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Hope you’re doing well today.

I practically started this blog like a work email. Nice.

OK! It’s the weekend, baby. And not just that, it’s the weekend of the 4th! Extra day off. Extra day to… sleep in? Who knows. I don’t have much planned as usual. Nothing tonight outside of boxing training – about to head to the pool right now so I’m writing this blog suuuuper fast.

Tomorrow night will be a shit show. My “drinking buddies” are having a birthday party for our friends. Let’s hope I don’t end up cuddling a toilet, alright? I’m not made up of the same stuff I used to be made up of. I have 2-3 drinks now and fall over. It’s ridiculous, man, RIDICULOUS. But it keeps me from over-drinking, which is nice. Real nice.

Sunday? Well, I don’t know. I’ll figure something out. I’m just happy that my dogs don’t freak out over fireworks and I don’t have too many obligations this year. It should be a relaxing time with a lot of big booms. Let’s do this.

And for those readers of mine that are outside of the US, ENJOY YOURSELF, TOO! Have some fun! Do something stupid, maybe.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Sneaking It In

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Good evening, everybody!

Not often do I write to you lot this late. It’s past 10 PM where I’m at right now. Almost broke the streak, phew. Thankfully I have nothing better to do than think about tomorrow and not sleep for the next… three hours? That sounds about right.

Honestly it’s been a great day. Family and friends came by for a relaxing grill out. Good morning workout. Dogs relaxed. Neighbors friendly. I might be making NFTs and I don’t even know what they really are. I mean it was a pretty damn good day.

But I’ve been thinking… I don’t want to keep updating you lot on my day. I need a mission here. I need a purpose to this blog outside of myself. Yes, this helps me. Writing to you helps me, but that’s selfish. I don’t want it to be like that.

So what am I good at? Talking? Kinda. Coaching? I think so. Life advice? Who the hell wants that. Dog photos? Can’t do that, might be able to pin my identity then. Humor? I’m not that funny.

Till I figure out what to do next with this blog, you’ll keep reading what my professors used to call “word vomiting”. I’m not even thinking when I’m writing to you. Just typing. Little fingers going pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter – ok, sorry, that turned into a little game for me. Wanted to see how quickly I could type “pitter patter” over and over again till I messed up. Let’s try it again.

Pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter pitter patterp FUCK. That was fun, though.

Are you lost?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Goal Met

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 1 Comment

Hi, everybody!

Writing from my phone today. You’ll never guess. I’m busy again today.

WordPress does this thing which notifies you when you’re on a blog post streak. I set out a month ago to knock out 30 in 30 days, and just yesterday I was notified from my last post that I did in fact achieve that goal.

So I guess I’m done here. Thanks for reading.

…

…

I’m kidding (you could probably tell). There’s less pressure on me from myself to write now, but I think I’ve built a good habit of making sure I get something down on this site.

I need to come up with a list of topics moving forward. I still just sit down and start typing. Let’s see… what would be good to go over? Let’s try gratitude.

Today I’m grateful for many things: Friendships, family, steady job, boxing (my passion), coaching (having an issue here but still grateful), the food in my fridge, the water in my outdated water cooler, MY DOGS, really so so much. My life is pretty dang cool. So is your life. Please remember that.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Waiting at Vet

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Title is pretty self-explanatory. I’m at the vet. Both dogs getting juiced up with their yearly shots so I decided to write to you lot. Hopefully they’re drowsy the rest of the day, right? I could use a break from their energy.

So what’s on the agenda today? BOXING! And fixing up a boxing club that’s been in the community for 43 years. It’s a tremendous place run by one of the best men you could possibly meet. He’s run this club for FORTY THREE years. And it’s all been free for inner city kids to come box and compete out of there. You hear that? 43 years of service to community. All to help, not for money. Pretty damn cool.

Combat sports are cool. The community is even cooler. You would think we’re all jerks who want to beat everyone up, but it’s quite the opposite. Now put us in a ring with someone and yeah, we want to beat that person up. But I’ve never seen a more helpful and inclusive community than the boxing community here where I live.

I’m excited to go down there and paint some more, bullshit with the coaches, and give my boxers hell for messing up on the trim.

Today’s another busy day, but another good busy day. I’m excited for today. I hope you are, too. If you aren’t, think about volunteering some of your time. It’s never a wasteful act.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Trouble Brewing

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 1 Comment

Hi, everybody.

Welp, the trip isn’t going as planned. I’m having issues sleeping, issues eating, issues being nice, and well, just everything.

I’ve turned back into an absolute jerk. Why? Can’t really pinpoint it. I think I didn’t *need* this vacation. Hell, I don’t know if I even wanted it. I miss my boxers. I miss my dogs. I miss my friends. I miss the life that I finally got back on track.

I did move my flight back up one day. Thankfully. No, this isn’t failure. This is me trying to solve the problem. Or avoid it? Who the fuck knows. I’m lonely here.

Yeah, it’s only a few day trip, but every single moment for an individual who struggles with depression and anxiety feels 25x longer than your average dude.

My nightmares returned. Sleepless nights full of sweat. I didn’t miss these.

I set a reminder to write a blog yesterday. It popped up again today and I moved it back again. Then I just decided to fucking write. I don’t think it’s doing much, but at least I’m heard here.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

A Weirder Than Normal April Fools’ Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

This post isn’t necessarily about April Fools’ Day. I mean, as you lot know, I really have no clue what the fuck I’m going to write about 99% of the time on here. So let’s get into it.

This morning started with a… groggy me. I stayed up too late last night. Amazon purchases, putting together a desk, trying to get my office to not look like a 13-year Call of Duty player’s game room. I spent quite a bit of time starting off into space last night, just thinking. No bad thoughts–it was quite nice.

BUT let’s get into the funny thing this morning. As I mentioned, I woke up groggy, not all there. I called my friend after he messaged “I have some bad news.”

“—–, what’s up? What’s going on?”

“—–, the wife and I were talking last night and… well, I don’t think we’re spending enough time together so I’m getting rid of my gaming computer.”

Instantly I felt terrible. I’ve pulled him away from his wife multiple times to play “vidjie” games. To be quite clear, it is HIS choice and HIS fault he plays as much as he does (yeah, bro, I know you’re reading this). I will not let that man pass the buck. But fuck, did he get me good this morning. Heart dropped. Thought his marriage was over. Luckily it’s April 1 and, well, it was all a joke. Thank God. I love those two together. Even if the wife has a love/hate for me.

Another fun thing happened this morning. My boss sent out a company-wide email about my resignation. I told him he should of used this day to his advantage and tell the company I’m pursuing my dream of becoming a private dancer in a small town. Sadly he chose not to lose his job and just mentioned where I’m actually heading after I leave this company. I’ve received some very nice messages from my colleagues. It’s been really, really nice to read.

An update on how I’m doing trying to fool people today? Absolutely fucking terrible. I can’t come up with anything believable. I tried a broken wrist and a few other things I’m not proud to mention. I can’t decide if a subtle fool is more usable than a… scary fools, like me being accidentally impaled by my low fence in the backyard. I don’t know. I hope I figure out something.

Well, thank you for reading my post about absolutely nothing. I hope you lot have some fun today. Oh, remind me to get more sleep, OK? Thank you.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.