Endless Contemplation

Hi, everybody.

It’s a chill day. Started it off with some coffee and sparring–now it’s time to sit in my sweatpants and relax. Well, until a birthday dinner later tonight, but that will be quick. Then right back to sweatpants and relaxing!

OK, “Endless Contemplation”, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for the past couple of days. It’s funny because it’s thinking about thinking… if you think about it. OK, sorry, I’m done.

But I have been thinking a lot. Like more than usual. After my last fight, I don’t quite know the direction I should take. My coach is pushing me out even further from a pro debut and I don’t have too much time. I mean, I’m 30. I just want to take a couple pro fights for fun. I’m not looking to make a career out of it. Let me fight.

So yeah, I’m thinking about that. I’ve also gotten back into the trenches of thinking I’m not in the right location. I hate when I get like this, honestly. Do I really think moving would change things for me? It has in the past, but I always end up right back here. So what should I do? Stop thinking about moving.

Oh, and I can’t stop thinking about work. How I can be better. What I’m doing wrong. Do I even want to keep doing what I’m doing.

Endless thoughts. Endless contemplation.

But I look down at my dog (the younger one) and I realize sometimes it just doesn’t matter. Why don’t I let this pass through me and enjoy my time right here, right now? I could stop writing and start cuddling with this doggo.

And guess what. That’s where this blog ends. Right when the issue is resolved (for now).

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Back to Morning Runs

Hi, everybody!

Notice the exclamation mark? Yeah, rare, but needed today.

I went on my first run since the fight and boy did it feel good. I followed it with five 100-yard sprints and five stadium stair climbs. BOY, it felt good.

You know, summer is almost over. It’s a shame. But Fall is upon us shortly and that is super duper exciting. Runs in the Fall? Can’t beat those.

But why is the run important? I think it’s obviously important for physical health, but mentally it’s even more important.

I consider running the most difficult sport in the world if you’re running long distance. Why? Well, let’s say you’re running a marathon. That means you’re stuck alone with your thoughts as you trot along for four to six hours–that’s intense.

I would like to run a marathon one day. I think I could do it now, but the mental aspect of it all throws me off. I need to be a bit more solid up in the old noggin before I think about running 26.2 miles. Or do I? Maybe that’s a goal I set for myself. We’ll see. I was talking about finding a hobby not too long ago (don’t worry, I still want to do photography, just need to find the time).

The point of this blog is not to tell you running is tough. It isn’t. But the constant thinking that happens during a run is tough, especially for people like me. Maybe it’s difficult for you, too. I try to not think which makes me think more. Sometimes I succeed in my goal and just run. Man, there’s not much better than just running without a thought. I’m jealous of Forrest Gump for that–he seemed to be able to do that with ease.

So what am I leaving you with today? Nothing. Go find something for yourself (and I say that in the kindest way because I believe in you).

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Oddly Timed Off Day

Hi, everybody.

I’m the most spaced I’ve been in quite some time. I can’t put a thought together today and I can’t figure out why. Maybe I should stop saying “can’t”, that could be a limiting factor. Maybe I should just stop thinking about it so much and less it pass through me.

I know why I’m off. I injured my elbow last night and I’m not sure if it’s going to heal any time soon. It’s a muscle strain or tendinitis–either way it puts a damper on boxing. That sucks. I’m going to try to train a bit today with a brace on, but the pain I experienced last night when it flared up again during volleyball made me sweat. We’ll see if the ice and ibuprofen helped at all or if I’m fucked and have to rest it for a week or maybe more. I’m really hoping the pain can subside.

So that’s why I’m off. I actually took a half day for the afternoon because I just, well, just been thinking a lot today. And like I said above, nothing has really come from thinking today. If anything, I think I’ve finally hit exhaustion. Sadly I used that title like a month or two back.

I’ll stop blabbing on and on. I’ll try to leave you with something to think about today…

Is there something in your life you’re dependent on? For me, it’s boxing. I noticed today that I need to find some peace with losing boxing because it is 100% possible that happens at any point in my life.

Before I think my mind more into a pretzel, I’m going to head out. Thanks for sticking around for this nonsense today!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Quick Update: Fight Result

Hi, everybody.

The training and mental work paid off. I won via unanimous decision—never a contest.

Hard work validated. Thanks for tagging along. Time to “rest” (kidding, I’m writing this from the boxing gym right now).

Believe in what you’re doing.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Relaxing Fight Day

Hi, everybody.

Honestly I’m pretty even-keeled today. My boxing match is later this afternoon–weighing 165.8 (perfect), feeling healthy, have liquids in me, and mentally I’m all here today. Oh, did I mention I went to bed at 11 PM last night? That’s unheard of.

I’ll update you lot with the results when I find time either later this evening or tomorrow morning. Appreciate you chilling on this journey with me. Let’s go!

Oh, side note: I’m extremely excited to see our younger boxer take her first fight today. She’s going to thoroughly kick ass, no doubt about it.

You must decide that you want to enjoy your life and that there is no reason for stress, inner pain, or fear.

Michael A. Singer

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Eating Before Weigh-In

Hi, everybody.

Well, tomorrow is the day! Back in the ring for the first time (competitively) in five or so years. Exciting stuff.

I’m going to hit you with quotes tomorrow… probably. Today I’ll quickly discuss how to manage diet leading into a boxing match.

Ha, just kidding. I’ve never known what to do outside of listen to my own body. I think that’s a solid plan anyway, don’t you? I woke up this morning, didn’t check weight, and went on an extremely light jog. Only went a mile. Weighed myself after, sitting right around weight (168.8, need to be 167-168). What’s that mean? Eat healthy today, eat light, go for a sweat, don’t drink too much water, and go for a tiny sweat in the morning before heading off to weigh in.

I really needed to type that out. To be truthful, this shit is stressful. It is. Thanks for being my sounding board at times.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Last Jog Before the Fight

Hi, everybody.

I hope you’re having a splendid morning. I am, I think? Woke up, went for a 2-mile jog to get the legs going, had a great glass of iced coffee, and now I’m going to take a break from work and hit the sauna.

A couple days before the fight–always a weird time. You don’t know if you’re doing too much, too little, or just enough. Also, making sure you keep on weight is… stressful at times. But I’m here today not so much to talk about myself, but to talk about my journey to this fight.

I was thinking about it on my jog. I’ve trained over six months for this fight. Mentally I’ve been training for over a year. And it hasn’t been easy. I’ve had thoughts of suicide, spells of extreme loneliness, and many lash-outs to those I love. I’ve been nowhere near perfect, but without this fight and sport in front of me, I wouldn’t be typing to you right now. I would be dead.

This fight is life to me. Not life or death, but life. Yes, I may have some issues at work and with my overall life and where it’s headed (where the fuck is it headed?) but I do know one thing: I have a passion, and I’m following that passion.

My friends, no matter how you feel today, remember the journey. You’ve done so much to get to where you are right now–don’t discount that, even if it’s not exactly where you thought you would be. Remember, we have no fucking clue what’s going to happen in this world, in our own lives, hell, even within the next 10 or so minutes. Embrace it. Embrace your lack of control and be you. Be proud.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Weight Control

Hi, everybody!

Today we’re going to be discussing weight but not in the normal sense. Actually, I’m in great shape and sit at 6’3″ and 173 pounds.

However, for my fight on Saturday, I need to be 167-168 pounds. And I’m not going to lie, I did terrible at self control last night. I ate a full dinner followed by a plethora of snacks (and not the good kind). I need to be better.

But what I’ve noticed from my eating isn’t that I’m hungry when I eat, I’m just… bored. Super bored. I could be reading, writing, watching TV, playing with my dogs, but my mind still thinks about food in the evening time. And that’s not good for fight week.

So what’s my plan? Well, I can’t start myself. However, I did field some questions from Instagram and to be honest, I got a lot of great advice. No, I’m not going to intermittent fast–no way. No, I’m not going to eat strictly tuna and cottage cheese–absolutely no way. But I can take some of the advice people gave me. Stop eating past 8:30 PM–I’m going to try that tonight. Seriously.

Do you lot have any advice for me? I don’t need to worry too much because I have a few workouts left this week and I’ll be going for jogs every morning, but there is a slight concern there. What do you do when you need to keep a few pounds off or lose a couple pounds here or there?

I’ll be 167-168 Saturday morning. I know I will. Why am I freaking out about it? It’s in my nature. But I’m noticing it now so I can work through it, let it pass, and stay in the moment rather than think about the worst case scenario that won’t happen.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Start of Fight Week

Hi, everybody.

My mental health might be a bit scattered this week. I mean, it usually is anyway, but I do take fight week very seriously. Always have. Actually, even though I’ve only had seven fights, I can comfortably say that I’ve done my best “thinking” during fight weeks. You really have to ask a lot of yourself. And after my final sparring rounds this morning, it’s time to ask those questions.

First thing you have to ask is, is this worth it?

The answer is always yes. At least for me.

Second thing you have to ask is, do you have enough discipline to stay focused and maintain weight?

The answer is always yes. At least for me.

But it’s been five years since my last fight. That one ended regrettably, with a split decision going in the other guy’s favor. He won the fight, probably, but I stopped fighting then. Kinda gave up after a few decisions didn’t go my way in other fights. I had enough of letting the judges tell me I didn’t do enough even when I had the other fighters telling me I did more than them. Or the other coaches. Whatever. I’m not bitter, right? Ha.

But that’s not an issue for me anymore. Even though I just brought it up, I really don’t pay it any mind anymore. Now that I’m a bit older, I’ve realized the only thing that matters is the effort I put into the gym and into my sparring sessions. It’s like Connor Benn says: “You know what I’ve been doing? Crushing it in the gym.”, but he says it in a super cool British accent that I do not posses. Although I’m four to five pounds over the weight limit for my class (middleweight), that’s nothing to worry about. A bit of jogging and a bit of sauna time will clear that water weight right out. Also, fully clean eating will help quite a bit.

I’m ready.

Also, fair warning, this will probably end up being the topic of the week. Hell, I might even talk about how I think each round will go, if it goes past the first round. I’m super pumped, you all. So very excited. The work I’ve put in will have an end result–then I go pro early next year.

It’s true and I’m noticing it now. I’m not saying “if you try hard enough, you can do anything”–I think that’s bullshit. BUT, within reason, yes, you can do anything. Look at me. I blog to a bunch of people every single day and fight people at night. Does it make sense? No. Does it have to make sense? No.

Let’s do this thing.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Busy, Busy Morning

Hi, everybody.

I’ve mentioned a few times this week that I’ve been in a slump. I mean, what’s new, right? I probably tell you lot that I’m in a slump every other blog post. Shit. I probably do. Maybe I’m not in a slump. Maybe I’m just a victim of the moment, or make myself out to be.

See, writing is cool, isn’t it?

Well today I woke up late. On purpose. We’re… 9 or 10 days away from my first boxing match in five years so let’s just say my body is a bit overtrained right now. Well, a lot overtrained. Let’s be honest. Multiple miles of running a day mixed with sprints, add some sparring, add some weightlifting, oh then do some more sprints. It’s tough, but it’s worth it.

This morning I started off with mowing my lawn instead of running. Don’t worry, I ran in between mowing the front yard and the back. Then I sprinkled in some sprints. Then I finished the backyard. Now I’m about to head to lunch with my Ma, then a jam-packed afternoon of meetings.

Fun stuff, right?

It is. I may find myself in mental slumps, but the physical activities I do that pass through me with ease keep me going. It may sound stupid, but sometimes I think we spend too much time battling with our own mind and not letting enough stuff pass through us. Taking moment by moment instead of yesterday’s moment all the way into today. Refresh. Recharge. Move past that shit. Take on what’s next in your life and never stop observing how you handle each and every moment. Actually, scratch that. Just let those moments pass through you. You’ll find yourself less stressed, I promise.

Well, another day another blog about nothing really. I hope my readers are still enjoying what I’m writing. I know I mentioned I’d like to move to a weekly blog post schedule, but this is now part of my routine. I’m sure I’ll break from it at some point… but not quite yet.

Time to go eat some steak and shrimp with my Ma.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.