How often do I write here now? Every two weeks? Three? I only write when I know I need it. Right now, I do.
Tomorrow I have a boxing match. This one is weird. I’m not engaged. I’m not excited. I just want to get it over with. Maybe I’m sick of competing? Maybe. Or maybe I just have too much stuff going on.
My full-time job is great, it really is. It’s a lot of work, but I’m valued and the pay shows it. Finally. But everything else in life? I don’t feel like I’m getting the value out of it. The NFT stuff, the coaching, and even at times my relationship. It feels like I give a lot of myself and don’t have much of myself by the end of the day. Does anyone else run into that problem?
Also, I feel like I’m running in circles chasing my own tail nowadays. I mean, not every day is the same day, but every day is filled with tasks from about 9 AM to midnight. It’s not healthy – and this goes for weekends, too. I haven’t been able to keep up with any news, watch any of my favorite sports teams, or really see much of my friends. I need help, but I’m stuck with these responsibilities and obligations. These commitments. My pops always told me commitments are important and it’s stuck with me. I don’t want to let anyone down, ever. I’ve done that so often throughout my life and it’s something I just don’t want to do again – especially if I can have control over it.
All that said, the audience I know is screaming “BALANCE, BALANCE!”, and believe me, I’m trying. Each day I wake up I tell myself I’m not going to give into this, I’m not going to do that, but my mind plagues me with “You’re a piece of shit if you don’t do what you told yourself you would do.”
Example? I want to take a nap right now but in my Siri reminders I had “Blog”. What am I doing now? Blogging. What will I be doing after blogging? Getting my laundry done. Will I nap? Probably not.
But maybe if I stop writing, especially now that I’ve been able to muster this aggression out of me and into an outlet like this, maybe I can take that nap. And guess what, I’m going to go do that now.
I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.