Making My Own Schedule

Hi, everyone.

Have I written about this before? I think I have. It would be simple to go back and look but let’s just carry on, shall we?

Why am I asking you that? You don’t make my schedule.

See what I did there? (Corny, yeah.) I am having some issues. This morning I went into training again and received no mitt work, no instruction, and I was told to help another boxer out. I was supposed to fight June 26th. Coach says I’m not ready, but I’ve been running my sprints and doing everything on my own to make sure I am ready.

But he won’t train me. He won’t put in the time. But I’m putting in the time to come work with the other boxers and help coach and yada yada. And I love coaching, you lot know that, but I don’t like commitments broken. A week or two back, Coach told me we would put together a training schedule to get ready. He was at my house for Memorial Day. We didn’t get a schedule put together.

Frustrating.

So now what do I do? Oh, today is also filled with everything that I didn’t come up with. Not a single thing on my agenda is something I said, “Hey, let’s do this.” Am I bitching over nothing? Probably. But I can bitch here. See, that’s the power of having this outlet. I can come here and bitch to you lot. And if you don’t like it, you can shut down the WordPress app or open a new tab, but that’s what this place does for me. Allows a release.

My buddy gave me a poem yesterday. I think it’s a good thing to leave off with because the main reason for this blog today was to get this shit out of my head and put it down. Make it concrete. Stop thinking about it so much internally and push it out to you lot. Aren’t you feeling lucky today? But again I’m getting off track. Let’s read this poem my buddy gave me, yeah?

Like cairns on an unkempt trail
words point the way
to the summit of thought
the last though before silence
swallows the world in realization
that the symbols are stones
just lying around
waiting aeons to roll toward the sea
until we stack them
upon one another to say,
“This way! You’re on the right track.”
to someone we may never shake hands,
nor share our water with
because deep down we know
that they are the same as us
and feel safer when another self
leaves a cairn or a ladder of words
to let us know that they too chose
this path and found sure footing there.
Unknown Poet

My buddy got me that poem because that’s what this blog kinda is. And fuck it’s a good poem, isn’t it? I don’t even like poetry and I like that one.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Finding Time for Myself

Hi, everybody.

Here I am, again, struggling to find time. Struggling to achieve anything outside of what others want from me. This weekend I have a surprise 30th birthday party, training, mandatory landscaping work, a date, and somehow I need to get my week ready for work next week.

It’s becoming a bit too much. I’m drowning. I’m waking up disappointed, defeated. I go to bed later because I don’t want the responsibilities of the next day to fall on me.

Is this being an adult? Having a calendar and literally just making sure I’m going to everything I’ve lent a commitment to (purposefully or forced)? It can’t be. I want to travel. I want to get out and do more things for myself. I want to be selfish right now before this becomes a problem and drops me back to where I was.

Sadly, I don’t know how to do that. Telling people “no” isn’t my thing. Also, I use a lot of my time to help others, whether it’s resumes or boxing, so without me around, where do they go?

Anyway, sorry for bitching. I’m struggling again. This upcoming weekend isn’t exciting for me, it’s just more work.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Face to Face Meeting!

Hi, everyone!

We’re back! I’m in Sales as many of you know. Today is a big day. The person who handled the state I live in was fired, so I asked to take over for her. First things first, I hit up some of my old contacts. BOOM! First outreach, first meeting booked. And guess what? It’s in person. It’s been… over a year and a half since I’ve had a business meeting in person. I’m fucking pumped.

I thrive in person, believe it or not. Online? Not as much but I still do well. I’m very excited to be able to be myself 100% and just have a conversation with the guy. A “no” is the worse that can happen. Don’t let “no” bring you fear. It used to scare me. Now I embrace it. You want to know what I really, really dislike? “Maybe”. Like… get out of here with that. Give me a yes or a no. It’s simple.

Is the world getting back to “normal”? Sure feels like it. I’m hoping I hit big on commission soon so I can get out to see my buddy on the east coast. Today’s my first step towards that.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

P.S. I had some wonderful quotes from Marcus Aurelius to post today but I think I’ll get those in later this week.

What’s Next?

Hi, everybody.

You’ve heard me ask it a few times this week: What’s next?

I’ve found my routine. I enjoy my routine. I mention my routine quite a bit to you lot. Just now I mentioned it three times. However, I need more spice in my life. God, I felt lame typing that. Still feel lame. Let’s move on.

What do I mean by spice? Shit, I don’t really know. I would love to travel to the east coast to see my best friend but that costs a bit of money and I would need to find dog sitters. Outside of that, I’d love to umm… I really don’t know. My fight was called off due to my coach… not really coaching me. Kind of a bummer but I’ll keep training and stay ready. I’m enjoying how I feel outside of the aches and pains that come with it nowadays being 30 and all.

I’m getting distracted. So what’s next? I’d love some damn ideas. If you have some, shoot them over. I still coach. I obviously still blog. I still play video games. I still walk my dogs. I mean, my days are relatively full, but they’re missing something.

Maybe it’s not about what’s next and it’s more about what am I missing? Or am I missing anything at all? Just awareness? Am I lacking gratitude?

Writing is fucking weird and powerful. I have no conclusion here at the end of this blog but my initial question transferred me to a new question. Time to explore.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Sluggish

Hi, everybody!

Still no great idea on a “theme” for this blog moving forward so again, you get to read me just word vomit this late morning.

Sluggish? Yeah, I’m sluggish today. Tired because I stayed up too late looking at screens (boxing fights on demand aren’t fair). I need to eat healthier. I’m supposed to box competitively in two weeks and I have 5 pounds to cut. Nothing major there. But I do need to eat healthier. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling sluggish?

Maybe I’m sluggish because I keep telling myself I’m sluggish. Ever thought about that? Maybe if I get off my ass right now and walk my dogs, the whole day will change. Energy will increase. I’ll be able to smile with both eyes open. Maybe. But that maybe is worth a shot. I’ll talk to you lot tomorrow.

Eh, I feel bad about the lack of effort here. How about a quote before I go?

Happiness releases you from self. It is suffering and pain and misery and depression that tie you to the self. Look how conscious you are of your tooth when you have a toothache. When you don’t have a toothache, you’re not even aware you have a tooth, or that you have a head, for that matter, when you don’t have a headache. But it’s so different when you have a splitting headache.

Awareness by Anthony de Mello

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Sneaking It In

Good evening, everybody!

Not often do I write to you lot this late. It’s past 10 PM where I’m at right now. Almost broke the streak, phew. Thankfully I have nothing better to do than think about tomorrow and not sleep for the next… three hours? That sounds about right.

Honestly it’s been a great day. Family and friends came by for a relaxing grill out. Good morning workout. Dogs relaxed. Neighbors friendly. I might be making NFTs and I don’t even know what they really are. I mean it was a pretty damn good day.

But I’ve been thinking… I don’t want to keep updating you lot on my day. I need a mission here. I need a purpose to this blog outside of myself. Yes, this helps me. Writing to you helps me, but that’s selfish. I don’t want it to be like that.

So what am I good at? Talking? Kinda. Coaching? I think so. Life advice? Who the hell wants that. Dog photos? Can’t do that, might be able to pin my identity then. Humor? I’m not that funny.

Till I figure out what to do next with this blog, you’ll keep reading what my professors used to call “word vomiting”. I’m not even thinking when I’m writing to you. Just typing. Little fingers going pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter – ok, sorry, that turned into a little game for me. Wanted to see how quickly I could type “pitter patter” over and over again till I messed up. Let’s try it again.

Pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter pitter patterp FUCK. That was fun, though.

Are you lost?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Sweet Sundays

Hi, everybody!

It’s not often I use alliteration but today I’m daring. Scared?

Kidding. I’m actually about to lie down for a nap. Figured I’d write to you lot first before I doze off into a million dreams about who knows what.

Why is today sweet? Why are Sundays considered special? You have the obvious religious foundations, but outside of that, society’s really made Sundays extremely important. It’s the day you have to recharge. It’s the day you have to finish your final chore. It’s the day you have before your work week starts all over again. It’s the day you come back from vacation. It’s the day you do community service. It’s the day you go to a kid’s birthday party. It’s the day you…

You do a lot on Sundays. We consider, at least I think we consider Sundays to be a day of relaxation when often they aren’t. Do we take enough time for ourselves, truly? Do we? I know I don’t. I don’t for myself. Look, I’m writing to you lot right now. Yeah, I’ve mentioned this helps me, but fuck I’m tired. I should be napping.

OK, we’re getting away from the point. As always, there really isn’t much of a point here, but this is a good reminder to actually reset yourself. Actually recharge. Take a breath. Sundays can be filled with pressure. You have the power to handle that pressure or better yet, not even feel it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

30 & Bored

Hi, everyone.

You’ll most likely see “30” as a theme for a bit. Again, still a bit surreal to make it this far for me.

I’m bored as hell, man. I’m doing what I want to do, as you lot know, handling my boxing, my work, etc.., but something is missing. I rarely go out with friends anymore but I think that’s more due to my dislike of drinking nowadays. I can’t tell. Bottom line is I’m bored and it’s becoming a problem. It’s dripping into my head and telling me, “You suck, you should be doing something. What, are you going to just sit there and die? Doing nothing?” Yeah, the “dude” in my brain ain’t too nice sometimes.

Well, I think he’s wrong. Look at me, talking about myself like there’s two of me. This is normal, right? Nah, we all have that little bug. That bug telling us we aren’t enough. We aren’t doing enough. We’ll never being doing enough. But who’s to judge? I have a title fight to watch tonight and I’m excited to see if Devin Haney added power to his arsenal. That’s my Saturday night.

Tomorrow? Well, hopefully starting tomorrow off with sparring. THEN! Then I get to head to my best friend’s daughter’s first birthday party. No, I’m not excited about going to a kid’s birthday party, but I am pumped to see some friends.

So yeah, I’m 30 and bored as hell. Read more? Spend more time with my dogs? I really have no clue what to do. Travel? I’d love to. Problem? Money. Heh.

This blog is going nowhere. It’s time to relax, breathe, and relax and breathe again. Thinking about this shit doesn’t help. Writing isn’t helping for once. Weird.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Money Can Suck It

Hi, everybody!

Another day, another blog post. It’s lovely, isn’t it? Yeah, it’s super fun to read you bitchin’ and moanin’ all the time, man. I get it. But I have to write this shit out or it clouds my mind and I get NOTHING done. Just skim the blogs, man. Stop bitchin’ and moanin’.

Today I have a very simple agenda for this blog: Fuck money. I’m not poor and I have a decent job. It’s not that I’m super screwed or anything, not even close, but the idea of money pisses me off. The barriers money puts down drives me to the ground. I’m not even a hippie and it pisses me off. Crazy, right? Today I was paid. Right away I thought “OK, what bills should I pay right away?”

Like, what fun is that? The amount of stress we incur due to our expenses and income and all that jazz… just YEESH. Yes, we are in charge of our own emotions, our thoughts, how we view things. I get it. I get it.

Again, another day, another blog of nonsense. I still haven’t taken my first sip of my coffee. This one is my fault.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

My Dog’s Birthday

Hi, everybody!

Yesterday my dog turned 11 years old. I’ve had her since she was 3 months old. She’s my “ride or die”, and yesterday was fantastic.

First off, we started with a walk. Now, keep in mind I do have a puppy. He’s about 1.5 years old, so he benefited GREATLY from yesterday. Secondly, I made sure to provide a plethora of treats. Dog cookies? Check. Beef tendons? Check. Dental chews so they don’t have terrible breath from the beef tendons? Double check.

But I do get sad seeing my dog age. Like I said, she’s my “ride or die”–really she’s my everything. She’s helped me through so much. Multiple break-ups, multiple spells of extreme depression, moments I thought I’d kill myself, and hell, she even saved a woman who hanged herself at my house. How? Well, I didn’t see my friend’s legs hanging out of the closet, my dog did. She saved that woman. My dog is a damn hero.

Dogs have a special connection to me. When my brother passed when I was young, my parents got me a puppy not as a replacement, but as a new friend. Ever since then, I haven’t been able to live without a dog. They truly are something special. If you’re a cat person, that’s fine, just know dogs are superior in every single possible way. And that’s fact, not opinion.

It was good to see my dog have so much fun yesterday. Today she’s limping because she went a bit too hard at the dog park, but it’s all worth it to her. Plus I have plenty of medication and supplements to help with her pain.

Yesterday was a good day. Seems to be a theme nowadays. I can get used to this.

Happy birthday, my 11-year old badass doggo!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.