Almost Forgot About You

Hi, everybody.

Yes, I’m talking about you. It’s almost 2 PM and I let blogging slip my mind till now! OH MY.

There’s good reason. Today has easily been my most successful day at my new job. Two meetings, an opportunity created of over $50k, and plenty of solid conversations. Oh, and I got a new boss! Real cool guy.

To be honest, lot, I really don’t have much to say today. I just wanted to check in, let you know I’m still here, still breathing, and trying to thrive. I actually need to step away from screens really, really bad. Make sure you’re checking in with yourself often. I needed to and it ended up boosting me to my first real successful day at this job.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

A (False?) Sense of Peace

Hi, everybody!

Welp, the girlfriend went to another country for a month so it’s just you and me for a bit! I’m excited, are you?

I woke up this morning feeling serene. I did my normal routine but the girlfriend did stop by for a quick dog walk prior to her departure. I will say I’m not doing the best at work, but I hope with less distractions (new relationships tend to create a natural distraction) I can pick up the pace a bit. Also, I was just told I have a new boss starting… today? Tomorrow? One of the two. Hopefully he’s a good guy. OH! I’ve always had some serious thoughts about getting out of sales. Maybe moving into marketing. Who knows.

But back to the peace thing. This is how I know the blog’s title makes sense. One morning I wake up feeling like dog shit, the next morning I feel like I can preach to the world about awareness and loving yourself. I’m striving to be somewhere in between, because let’s be honest… no one really wants someone to constantly say “love yourself” or “I’m dog shit”. There’s got to be a balance.

And today I woke up with that balance. I knew I had a long work day ahead of me paired with my second job. I know I have an extremely early and important meeting tomorrow morning that I need to prep for. But I’m doing OK. I’m not stressing. As Richard Miller says in one of his meditations, “I am aware and I am at ease”. I feel that today. I really do.

Peaceful. Quiet. Calm. That’s my day today. And I’m excited for it. What’s your day look like?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Money Still on My Mind

Hi, everybody.

I can’t stop thinking about it. It doesn’t help that I see people with much more money than I have at a much younger age. I feel like I’ve failed to this point. My 401k is nothing special, my investments are shit, and my savings is more than lacking.

I’m drowning. I just want to not worry about money for a month or two. That’s it. But bills keep piling on. Medical expenses mainly. I need to get my wrist checked out because I can’t pick up anything with it but I can’t take on that medical bill. It’s just too much for me.

I ordered contacts today. That’ll be $200. When will I pick them up? Probably Friday after I’m paid. Because right now I’m back to living paycheck to paycheck. Actually I wouldn’t even call it living. I’m under stress every day from it even with paying my bills on time. I keep seeing the red get more red. I need it to stop. I need it to stop. But it won’t. I’ll stay in this cycle forever by the looks of it. It’s been over a decade like this. I have no clue how to fix it. No clue whatsoever. My only option right now feels like investments. Long-term of course, but fuck I need to handle my debt. I need to. It eats at me.

UGH.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Face to Face Meeting!

Hi, everyone!

We’re back! I’m in Sales as many of you know. Today is a big day. The person who handled the state I live in was fired, so I asked to take over for her. First things first, I hit up some of my old contacts. BOOM! First outreach, first meeting booked. And guess what? It’s in person. It’s been… over a year and a half since I’ve had a business meeting in person. I’m fucking pumped.

I thrive in person, believe it or not. Online? Not as much but I still do well. I’m very excited to be able to be myself 100% and just have a conversation with the guy. A “no” is the worse that can happen. Don’t let “no” bring you fear. It used to scare me. Now I embrace it. You want to know what I really, really dislike? “Maybe”. Like… get out of here with that. Give me a yes or a no. It’s simple.

Is the world getting back to “normal”? Sure feels like it. I’m hoping I hit big on commission soon so I can get out to see my buddy on the east coast. Today’s my first step towards that.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

P.S. I had some wonderful quotes from Marcus Aurelius to post today but I think I’ll get those in later this week.

Sweet Sundays

Hi, everybody!

It’s not often I use alliteration but today I’m daring. Scared?

Kidding. I’m actually about to lie down for a nap. Figured I’d write to you lot first before I doze off into a million dreams about who knows what.

Why is today sweet? Why are Sundays considered special? You have the obvious religious foundations, but outside of that, society’s really made Sundays extremely important. It’s the day you have to recharge. It’s the day you have to finish your final chore. It’s the day you have before your work week starts all over again. It’s the day you come back from vacation. It’s the day you do community service. It’s the day you go to a kid’s birthday party. It’s the day you…

You do a lot on Sundays. We consider, at least I think we consider Sundays to be a day of relaxation when often they aren’t. Do we take enough time for ourselves, truly? Do we? I know I don’t. I don’t for myself. Look, I’m writing to you lot right now. Yeah, I’ve mentioned this helps me, but fuck I’m tired. I should be napping.

OK, we’re getting away from the point. As always, there really isn’t much of a point here, but this is a good reminder to actually reset yourself. Actually recharge. Take a breath. Sundays can be filled with pressure. You have the power to handle that pressure or better yet, not even feel it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Today I Can’t Talk

Hi, everybody!

BIG study day for me today. Final assessment out of the company boot camp tomorrow morning. Also, today’s a day I like peace and quiet. Along with the pressure for the presentation tomorrow, it happens to be the anniversary of my brother’s death today.

I can get further into detail about all of this stuff at a later date. Today my goals are to keep my head down and study, be there for my parents at the cemetery, and play some damn good sand volleyball. That’s all I got for you today. Heart is racing quite a bit and it’s racing more as a type, so it’s time to sign off devices.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Relaxation + Root Canal

Hi, everybody!

I started my day off with some of the most relaxing activities I’ve done in quite some time. Read a bit, sat with my dogs (they’re the best in the morning), and went to the gym for stretching + whirlpool/hot tub time. My body needed that.

Then I drove home. Well, started to… till I realized I had a root canal scheduled in five minutes. Quickly turned around and headed that way. Root canal wasn’t so bad, honestly, but the rest of my day ties together in a hilarious way.

I’m still in Boot Camp for my work. I’ve mentioned that. But today is a heavy speaking day. We’re supposed to practice our presentations (audibly) and work on our pitches (audibly). I was just asked to go before we were let on break. I tried, but the left side of my mouth isn’t working yet. Luckily she left me off the hook.

Speaking of hooks (wow, amazing what I just did there), I have hard sparring at 7:30 PM tonight. The doctor said I’ll be good to go. But it’s funny after getting some semi-heavy dental work done I’ll just head to the gym less than 12 hours later to get punched directly in the jaw (and probably on the left side because I tend to drop my left hand).

I’m grateful. All of these “problems” aren’t problems. They’re funny circumstances. Six months ago this shit would have stressed me out. Now it makes me laugh. Things change–and what do I always say?

Change is inevitable.

I always say that. That’s the answer. I say “change is inevitable”.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Constant Meetings

Hi, everybody.

I wish I could type out more to you today but as the title states, I am in quite a few meetings today. Even right now I’m in one. Someone named Cathy is speaking and I’m just making sure I keep my eyes on my webcam while I type. If there’s typos, I can blame Cathy.

I’m in the final week of “Boot Camp” for my new company. So ready for it to be done. Like just right now I was asked a question and dominated it. And I’m typing to you lot. It’s like my buddy. He was put on the Top 100 in some sort of academic award but the professors don’t know he spent about 2,000+ hours gaming during his Masters program.

I just compared myself to that. That’s not accurate. I’m just answering basic questions. And I might be missing some information I’ll need later, but that’s later. Right now I need to write. I love to write. This is how I start my day (well, after my morning workouts now). I must keep my routine. If I break it, it must be my choice, not someone else’s.

Also, has anyone noticed how little I speak of depression and anxiety nowadays? It’s breathtaking. I’m not fixed. Never will be. There is no “fixed”, but I’m in a much better spot now. And just a few months ago I thought I’d take my own life at some point here soon. Now I could never imagine that. Life’s crazy, huh? Or maybe it’s just me. Either way, I’ll take it.

Oh, some news: I believe I’m fighting four times next month. You could see me drop off a bit from the blog but I promise you it’s for a good reason.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Waiting at Vet

Hi, everybody.

Title is pretty self-explanatory. I’m at the vet. Both dogs getting juiced up with their yearly shots so I decided to write to you lot. Hopefully they’re drowsy the rest of the day, right? I could use a break from their energy.

So what’s on the agenda today? BOXING! And fixing up a boxing club that’s been in the community for 43 years. It’s a tremendous place run by one of the best men you could possibly meet. He’s run this club for FORTY THREE years. And it’s all been free for inner city kids to come box and compete out of there. You hear that? 43 years of service to community. All to help, not for money. Pretty damn cool.

Combat sports are cool. The community is even cooler. You would think we’re all jerks who want to beat everyone up, but it’s quite the opposite. Now put us in a ring with someone and yeah, we want to beat that person up. But I’ve never seen a more helpful and inclusive community than the boxing community here where I live.

I’m excited to go down there and paint some more, bullshit with the coaches, and give my boxers hell for messing up on the trim.

Today’s another busy day, but another good busy day. I’m excited for today. I hope you are, too. If you aren’t, think about volunteering some of your time. It’s never a wasteful act.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Breaking Exhaustion

Hi, everybody.

Good morning. I’m still trying to wake up and it’s 10:30 AM already. I’m through one cup of cold brew but nothing seems to be picking my energy levels up.

Food? Well, I had some yogurt and some fruit. I think I’ve nourished my body plenty so far today.

Really it comes down to getting myself to go to bed at a decent time. Even with my mental health somewhat in control nowadays, I still have an issue falling asleep any time prior to 2 AM. I’d really love that to change. Do any of my readers have any advice?

I don’t know why I stay up so late. Am I dreading the next day? Is my anxiety beating me up? Is my depression crippling me? Am I just not tired? I must be tired. I work all day, I box at night, coach at night, and talk with one of my buddies for a good portion of the night, too. It’s not like I’m doing nothing. I’m very busy, so my exhaustion comes from that. But it could be helped by going to sleep at a decent fuckin’ time. I need to figure this out at some point in my life. Waking up early in the morning to work out after a solid night of sleep sounds lovely.

I’m going to try to sleep a bit earlier tonight. I’m going to shoot for 1 AM. That’s an hour difference, an hour of improvement, and an hour to change.

This is one of the few times I’ve written and not really came up with a solution. So, my friends, please feel free to comment with what helps you wind down at night. We can all help each other, ya know?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.