Tag: mental illness

A Month Change

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everybody.

I’m slightly worried. Tomorrow my girlfriend leaves for Egypt for a month. No, I’m not worried about what she’ll be doing in Egypt, but a lot of my time is spent with her. Whether it’s hanging out, grabbing dinner, or boxing, we spend A LOT of time together. So that will all change–and for a month at that–scary.

I plan to spend plenty of time on myself. Also, my wallet will thank her for leaving for a month (we eat out a decent amount, it’s one of my favorite things to do and hers as well). But again, I am worried. I’m a man that enjoys structure, routine, sometimes the same ol’ same ol’.

But I have my support system with me as always. Also, she’s just a WhatsApp message away. Who will be my new training partner for the next month? No clue. I need to figure that out quick.

I think I’ll spend a good amount of the next month writing to you lot, too. I hope you don’t mind. I consider those who read my blog some of the people that know me the best. You know the real me. The vulnerable me. And someone needs to know that side of me.

Let’s push through this together. With the help from you lot, I can do so much more than without you lot. When I write, I feel better. When I write to you, I feel a whole lot better.

I’m going to spend the rest of the day enjoying time with my girlfriend before she leaves. I hope she has a tremendous time, but I will miss her.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Good Ol’ Karen

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Today I ran into a Karen. It’s been a while since I’ve had that experience and it definitely didn’t disappoint.

I talk about my dogs often here, and yes they are a little out of control but they never have ill intent. Also, they’re cute as shit. Friendly. Sometimes understand boundaries. Whatever, they’re good dogs.

So today I took my girlfriend to a lake. A public lake. No one owns any part of the beach (I say that lightly because… well, it’s a beach in the midwest). Within one minute, ONE MINUTE, of being there with my dogs off the leash, a Karen tells me “We really don’t want your dogs around us.” + much more.

First things first: they weren’t around her. Secondly, why? There were four other dogs there AT LEAST, roaming around or relaxing. My dogs just got there. Of course they’re going to jump in the water and scope out the area. They weren’t causing issues.

Anyway, instead of staying there in spite of this lady, I decided to leave. Relieve some stress by evacuating the situation before it exploded. I drove 45 minutes there. I wasn’t happy to be pushed out by some lady who thought she owned a public beach spot.

Oh, and for anyone thinking dogs are not allowed here OR they must be on a leash – no. And if so, no one follows that damn rule. They let the dogs roam and play with each other. Karen, on the other hand, well, let’s just leave it there. There’s no point in yelling about it anymore.

What did I do when I left? I took the girlfriend and the dogs to another lake. Played fetch. Stayed aware of my festering anger and fought it off. I don’t think I would have done that just a few months ago.

Still, screw Karen. I stand 100% behind that. Did she just not like dogs? Who doesn’t like dogs?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

PS – After the lady and I had our brief altercation, my oldest dog took a massive shit in front of their towels and such. Karma’s a bitch, literally.

Feelin’ “Blah” Again

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Welp, this is why the site is called “The Two Sides of Me” because guess what?! I’m back in the dumps. Why? No fucking clue. Can I get out of it? What do you think I’m trying to do here?!

I know I’m in control of myself now. I can push myself through these “blah” days and fuck, that feels amazing. Each word I’m typing here is freeing me of that negative mindset, that mindset that I’m not good enough for today. Writing is so damn powerful.

But I’d love to find out why I feel this way so very often. What am I doing the night before to make me wake up in such a slump? Or is it something I’ll just have to deal with the rest of my life? I think it’s that. I think I’ll be dealing with this poo for the rest of my life… but to be honest, I’m OK with that. I know I’m strong enough to push through and if I’m not, I have a support system to back me up. I’m blessed. I’m grateful.

What about you, though? Are you taking a moment each day to check in on yourself to see how you’re really doing? Not your Instagram, not your Twitter, but your real life. How are you actually doing? If your blood pressure spikes reading that question, take a deep breath. You’re not fucked. You’re just aware now. That’s powerful.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Doggos

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everybody.

This week for me has been about gratitude. It’s very important to check yourself every once in a while and appreciate what you do have in your life. And what’s something I’m extremely appreciative of? My doggos.

This pandemic hasn’t been fun as we all know. But I can tell you one thing for certain: my doggos have kept me going each and every day. If I’m down, I grab one of them and cuddle. If I’m up, I take them for a ride to the dog park.

My doggos are always there for me. (Should I stop referring to them as doggos now? I don’t know if I can, I mean, it’s in the title.) “Man’s best friend”. And for good reason. The loyalty they show is something we could all learn from. I know they’re animals, but my god they are fantastic at living in the moment. We could all learn something from doggos there, too.

But love is where they excel. And I’m grateful to have their love and loyalty. They’re my best friends and I wouldn’t change that for the world. Thank you, doggos.

Oh! Quick reminder: ADOPT, DON’T SHOP!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Sunny Days, Sunny Days

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I GOT PAID TODAY. IT FELT GREAT TO PAY OFF SOME BILLS.

OK, moving on. Everyone, today is GORGEOUS where I’m at. As always, I started with a nice cup of cold brew and a dog walk. Amazing walk. Dogs barely pulled me (I’m kidding, they destroy me… always).

After that, I jumped into meetings. Tonight is my Pop’s birthday dinner. I mean, can this day get much better?

IT CAN! I don’t have to work at the boxing club tonight and my body truly needs the rest. Instead I get to eat steak and shrimp. I can’t believe I come on this blog to complain. I mean read what I just said: I get to eat steak and shrimp.

Gratitude. I need to work on that.

I am grateful for today. I’m grateful for every day I’m still here. Some nights I still think I’d be better off dead, but the morning comes and that changes. Do you lot have those feelings at night? Am I the only one? It keeps me up at night.

It’s time to focus in on the moment. On this sunny day. I hope wherever you’re at is gorgeous as well, my friends.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Quote Day? Quote Day.

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

I’m swamped (in a good way) today so my apologies but I must only leave you with a few really, really good quotes. More effort will be applied later this week! Let’s begin.

As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.

David Sedaris, Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls

Maintain that motivation to go from A to B and to keep your focus on that target without any weakening. That is called tenacity; stamina in your motivation.

Arsene Wenger

You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.

Brené Brown

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pressure

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone.

I’m beginning to feel immense pressure to succeed in everything. I’m not mad about it – I think pressure is needed at times to enhance growth. However, falling asleep at 8 PM on a Saturday and waking up at 3 AM because of pressure isn’t a good thing.

So what’s keeping me in this pressurized space? I have a girlfriend now and I forgot how much time I need to set aside to spend time with her. I honestly forgot. I enjoy her company but I enjoy my time – mainly because I need to get shit done, like blog. Oh, and blogging is a bit of pressure. I know none of you expect me to keep the streak alive, but I expect to keep the streak alive. Why? No clue.

What else? Oh, I’m not doing the best at work. I’m not doing terrible, but I’d like to be doing a helluva lot better.

I’m supposed to be boxing competitvely shortly but it seems like I’m just training to train. I don’t know if my coach will ever match me up again and it’s bothering me. Why? Because I feel the pressure to continue to get better each and every day. I haven’t taken a rest day in two weeks. I am bothered by the fact that my stamina isn’t where it needs to be, but it doesn’t make sense to be bothered. Why? Well, I don’t have a fight lined up.

Money. Well, if you’ve read my last few posts, you know I’m fucked with money. I’d rather not talk about the pressure there.

There’s plenty more but I didn’t come on here to bitch to you lot. I came here seeking advice. What do I prioritize? How do I say no to things? How can I take some time for myself without sounding like a dick to my girlfriend and close friends? What the hell do I do to alleviate this pressure?

Back to it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

C’MON, MAN

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Yeah, aggressive title.

My dog chewed through another couch. Not the brand new one, but what was left of the other couch he chewed up (it was a sectional). Not fun to come home to. Not fun.

I don’t know what to do next with this little guy. He’s good six out of sevens days of the week. But when he messes up, he messes up. And believe me, I try a lot to get it to stop.

I do a pseudo command thingy my buddy taught me. That works majority of the time. Not all the time. It needs to work all the time. I spray a taste and smell deterrent on the items he’ll most likely chew up (COUCHES) before I leave. I make sure he gets plenty of exercise, usually fetch and two walks a day. That’s enough. Also, there’s another dog here he loves to play with. He has enough resources in front of him to be an absolute perfect doggo.

I chalk it up to the pandemic. He’s so attached that he sometimes suffers from separation anxiety. Will he ever not chew up a valuable couch? Who the hell knows. He’s lucky he’s cute.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Proper Rainy Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

There’s something about a stormy, rainy day after a week filled with 90 degree temps. It’s relaxing. It makes you sleepy. For me, it relieves stress. How? Well, I don’t feel like I really need to accomplish much when the weather isn’t cooperating. I absolutely love my mindset there.

A storm is unpredictable, just like mental health. It comes and goes, sometimes quiet, sometimes with a big boom. But it fades. The storm always fades and we’re back to the light. Same could be said about mental health IF we decide to look at it this way. That’s on us.

We’re all temperamental. At least a little bit. Whether we like it or not. Just like the weather. Maybe we could learn a thing or two from Mother Nature, eh?

QUOTE DAY!

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I’m super busy today so how about I leave you with some impactful quotes today? OK!

And see that you keep a cheerful demeanor, and retain your independence of outside help and the peace which others can give. Your duty is to stand straight – not held straight.

Marcus Aurelius

As soon as you look at the world through an ideology you are finished. No reality fits an ideology. Life is beyond that.

Anthony de Mello

When you have reconciled internally, peace and love become possible. When you embody peace and love, you can change a difficult situation more easily.

Thich Nhat Hanh

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.