Tag: mental health

Something I Read – Worth A Reminder (Courage)

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everyone.

I’m reading a book called The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown–a wonderful author. This is a book of reflection, challenging your ideals, “letting go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embracing who you are”.

On page 12 and 13, I found something I found particularly interesting and well worth a reminder. Let’s hear Brené discuss courage:

“The root of the word courage is cor–the Latin word for heart. In One of its earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant ‘To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’ Over time, this definition has changed, and, today, courage is more synonymous with being heroic. Heroics is important and we certainly need heroes, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage. Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary.”

Go be extraordinary today.

I will you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

A 6 AM Start

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Yeah, you read that right.

Hi, everybody!

One thing I haven’t done in AGES is wake up at an “early” time. I’m a 7:30 AM – 8 AM type of guy. Today however, well today I woke up at noon 6 AM. I was going to go back to sleep, but you know what I did? I stood up. Crazy, right? Then I let my dogs out. Then I fed the dogs.

Now this is where it gets crazy.

I didn’t go back to bed. I made a full breakfast for myself. Over-easy eggs, turkey sausage, yogurt – the whole shebang. Unreal.

My colleagues were alarmed to see me on the company Slack at 7 AM and making calls by then. Like seriously, super alarmed. I was asked if I was doing OK because of how early I started today.

I know I’ll crash today, but I am proud of myself for one thing today: Deciding to stand up.

I’m going to pat myself on the back. You should do the same.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Honestly I’m Just Bored

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone. Checking back in. I’m fucking bored (yes, very early cussing in this post).

Today is a very busy day. A few work meetings, going to mentor a hard-headed high schooler, followed by an individual boxing coaching session, and two hours of leading a boxing class.

But right now? I’m fucking bored, man. My work is very slow, I don’t have any interviews coming up till Wednesday, and my dogs are the only ones with things to do around this house (tear up shit, that’s what they have to do). I could be doing stuff, but it’s… well, just more unpacking. I’d rather be bored.

I am excited for the rest of the day. Mentoring and coaching. It’s what I love to do. Boxing, coaching, mentoring, whatever you want to call it: it’s my passion. Only a couple more hours of being in front of this computer making sales calls. I CAN DO IT.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

New Roomie, Past Mistakes

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hey, everybody.

Today I bring in a new roommate. I’ll level with you lot: I am not the best roommate. Very picky in terms of cleanliness and noise. However, I am AWARE of that now, and it’s something I’ll be working on. (It only took multiple people leaving me for these reasons for me to figure this out, but REMEMBER, we focus on the positive here. The positive: I figured it out, now I need to execute on it.)

I am a bit worried but also excited. It’s one of my best friends and I think it will be a good living situation. If not, well, I own the house so I can always handle things if I need to handle things, right? Not much risk here. Also, I plan on writing about some of my past mistakes with roommates because, well, they’re kinda funny. Someone hold me to that, alright?

Anyway, now I need to head to his current house and go pick up a U-haul with the guy. Wish me luck (or awareness)!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Where Have I Been?

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

You may or may not have noticed a significant drop in activity on this blog. My bad. Want the honest truth? I forgot I had this damn thing, but yesterday night it popped right back into my head.

“Siri, remind me to write a blog tomorrow at 9 AM.”
“Ok. I’ll remind you.”

And now here we are.

I’ve recovered from Covid-19–that thing is no joke. I’ve had three days back in the gym and boy, it’s tough. The lungs are shot, the fatigue is still there, but hey, at least I’m putting in the work. Remember, we’re about the fucking positives here (most of the time)! Outside of Covid-19, it’s really been the depression that’s holding me back. If you’re “aware”, that means I’m holding myself back. I know this. Doesn’t mean I can drastically change it in a heartbeat. All of this comes with time. Healing doesn’t happen overnight: not with Covid-19, not with depression. Take it moment after moment or you’ll suffocate yourself.

Let’s hope I can remember I have this website a bit more often. I don’t particularly like setting reminders because the post doesn’t feel “organic” then, but writing something is better than writing nothing.

How are you doing? Are you holding up just fine? Anything that’s halted your progress in the past couple of weeks? If so, I promise you can find a way to jumpstart that shit again. Trust yourself. You’re worth more than ya think–especially that brain of yours.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Almost Free

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hey, everyone.

Again, I don’t have much to write. I’ve been in isolation for ten days now and… well… nothing’s really happened. It’s been extremely dull. Mind numbing.

Tomorrow I’m free. It marks 11 days and as far as I can tell from the CDC, that means I’m free.

I can’t wait to box tomorrow. I cannot wait.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Quarantine Boredom

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 1 Comment

Hey, everyone.

My mood’s dropped significantly over the past few days. Luckily, I’m let out of the house here in… four days. Almost there.

I’m trying to will myself to do things I need to do, or want to do, during this quarantine, but I can’t seem to muster up enough will. How do I will will? Is that a thing? Brain feels like mush.

I hope all of you are out there enjoying life and making new memories. I’ll be back out there soon enough.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Finally Got It

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone.

Welp, it finally happened. I am Covid-19+. So far, the symptoms are quite intense but nothing I can’t handle as of now. It did just take me a solid minute to type out that last sentence, so the blurriness is real, but it could just be the copious amounts of Day/NyQuil.

I’ve reached out to everyone who I could’ve passed it along to – and I feel terrible about it. One of my friends will be missing work when she really, really needs to work. My boxers will be put on hold. It just kind of sucks.

But remember, on this blog we try to look at the bright side. We have to look at the bright side or else, well, everything just kinda sucks. I’m still here. My body seems strong enough to fight this virus. I will be healthy again.

I don’t take Covid-19 lightly and I don’t think anyone should. Should I have taken more precautions? Maybe. It’s easy to place blame or blame yourself during moments like these, but it’s important to remember: It just doesn’t fucking matter.

I’m going to be healthy again. My heart goes out to all those who lost someone near to them throughout this pandemic. That’s why I can’t stand a lack of responsibility within this pandemic. It’s not hard to wear a mask. It’s not hard to not go out when you’re exhibiting symptoms of the virus. It’s just not hard at all. Yet, here we are.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Zoomin’

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone!

Don’t worry, this isn’t about Zoom calls. We’ve all had enough of those by now. This is about the “zoomies” or better put, just getting shit done. And that’s what I’ve done today. Got. Shit. Done.

Feels good.

I also noticed last night that I haven’t posted in four days. UNACCEPTABLE. I apologize, everyone. I’ll try to be better.

I wanted to write this post today because of my inactivity but man, I’ve been super active in everything else in life. Less time in front of the computer, more time with everyday life. Feels good. Feels really good.

Let’s end here, shall we? Don’t worry. I’ll be back.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Two Posts, One Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone (again)!

I don’t know why I’m back. I just finished a blog for the company I work for, so maybe that was such boring writing that I had to come back here to finish the night off the right way. Let’s begin: (insert cuss word).

Kidding. Well, mostly. I am happy to be typing away on this website again, that’s for sure. It feels like life’s slowed down a bit. Judging by my dogs, we’re all getting much more comfortable with our surroundings. The young pup is to the right of me, frantically fighting to stay awake. He won’t last long. The older pup? Well, she’s on her perch, protecting this house. I love em’ both.

What else is going on? Let’s check in with you. Anything super fun happen recently? Any firsts? Any subtle changes to your life ending with big differences? Even small differences? Are you giving yourself enough fuckin’ credit yet? I hope so. I really do.

I started this blog through a challenge my buddy gave me. I didn’t think I’d last this long writing on it, honestly. I made sure to try to pick a catchy name so I could stick with it longer, but really it’s turned into something real for me. It’s brought back my love for writing. Yeah, this isn’t the best writing, I know, I know, but fuck it. It’s writing. I like it. Hopefully you like it. If you don’t like it, well, you’re lying. You’re already this far into the blog. If you didn’t like it, you would’ve clicked “back” already or just put your screen down. But you didn’t. You’re still here with me. I’m still here with you.

This blog started as a depression, anxiety, overall mental health outlet for me. It still is. I’m still fighting each and every day. I’m still doubting myself in portions of my day, but not nearly as often as when I first started this thing.

I’m getting better. A few months ago I thought I was going to kill myself. I didn’t. I’m still here. It’s because of you that I’m still here. The reader. The friend who pushed me here. The Pops who reads this shit (and probably winces at every cuss word). It’s you lot that keep me going.

People say happiness comes from within, through loving yourself, etc.. What should be emphasized there? “People say”. It doesn’t mean it applies to you. I don’t think it truly applies to me, honestly. My happiness comes from spending my time for others. It doesn’t come from within. I need you people. I’m not scared to say it. I love you fucking people, even the irritating ones.

Keep being you. Please.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.