Chilly Hands

Hi, everybody.

Why is this titled Chilly Hands? Well, I have chilly hands at this exact moment. I’m super literal on these blogs, especially when I just have a Siri reminder telling me to blog at random times. I don’t really have too much to write about… yet.

Let’s see. Life is fucking weird, man. I’ve now went back and forth with my girlfriend like 5 times now and we feel the healthiest and most open we’ve ever felt. Sometimes bumps and bruises can lead to a reward I guess? I really can’t understand this life shit – especially being ‘healthy.’

But I do feel exactly that. Healthy, most of the times. I’m getting good sleep, I’m eating well, financially I’m somewhat responsible, and I’m being more loosey-goosey in life again. It feels good. I feel good. I hope you feel good, too.

But what is going on in your life? Is there something you could dig into real quick that might best prepare you for the next 20 minutes of your life? Something you need to sit down and just think about for a second, with zero distractions around ya? I think that’s what’s gotten me to this state of ‘healthy’ – letting myself sit and think for a bit when I need to. Self reflection and all that stuff, ya know?

Well, I think the well is dry. I don’t have much more to write about when things aren’t going shitty. It’s weird, I’m much more vocal and audible when I feel better. Less of a writer, more of a talker. I guess that isn’t that weird, is it? I’m sure I’ll be back with PLENTY to write about sometime soon.

Until then, nah.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Hitting My Stride

Hi, everyone!

THREE meetings booked this week. Let me put that into perspective: I booked one meeting over my first month.

It feels good. My boss, the VP of Sales, etc., are starting to throw some love at me. I needed that. I felt I wasn’t performing but as almost anything with life: it takes time.

I’m also doing really well in terms of boxing. I sparred yesterday and barely got touched. Landed quite a few clean jabs against some tough sparring partners. My coach actually said I did well, and he never, ever says that (even if he wants to). So that feels great.

This weekend I get to hang out with some friends I haven’t seen in a while and continue to train in the sport I love.

Things are really coming together. They really are. My finances are looking up, too (that could easily change, let’s not jinx it).

Have you taken a step back today to appreciate yourself? Appreciate the work you’ve put in to get even this far in life? You should. You’re impressive. You’re talented. You fuckin’ got this.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.


Hi, everybody!

Still no great idea on a “theme” for this blog moving forward so again, you get to read me just word vomit this late morning.

Sluggish? Yeah, I’m sluggish today. Tired because I stayed up too late looking at screens (boxing fights on demand aren’t fair). I need to eat healthier. I’m supposed to box competitively in two weeks and I have 5 pounds to cut. Nothing major there. But I do need to eat healthier. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling sluggish?

Maybe I’m sluggish because I keep telling myself I’m sluggish. Ever thought about that? Maybe if I get off my ass right now and walk my dogs, the whole day will change. Energy will increase. I’ll be able to smile with both eyes open. Maybe. But that maybe is worth a shot. I’ll talk to you lot tomorrow.

Eh, I feel bad about the lack of effort here. How about a quote before I go?

Happiness releases you from self. It is suffering and pain and misery and depression that tie you to the self. Look how conscious you are of your tooth when you have a toothache. When you don’t have a toothache, you’re not even aware you have a tooth, or that you have a head, for that matter, when you don’t have a headache. But it’s so different when you have a splitting headache.

Awareness by Anthony de Mello

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.


Hi, everybody!

The title is simple and the subject matter is simple: I’m bloated, physically. Mentally I feel pretty solid. The gym helps with that. My physical health helps with that. My friendships and family relationships help with that.

But today is just a fun blog. I shovel-fed food into my mouth last night after training. Granted, I did train twice yesterday, but I shouldn’t have put so much food down my gullet. What did I eat? From 8 PM to 12 AM, I had: Shrimp pad thai, a pork chop (thick one), crackers and hummus (lots), a roast beef and fake gouda cheese sandwich, half a sleeve of salt and vinegar veggie chips, and I topped it all off with a giant bowl of Blueberry Chex.

I’m a pig, I get it.

So, yeah, I’m bloated. And I don’t have much else to say today. Sorry. Well, not really. I can’t always have something to say, right? Oh, I spar later this evening. Hopefully this bloat depletes over the next few hours.

Why did I just tell a bunch of strangers I’m bloated?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Exhaustion (Healthy & Unhealthy)

Hi, everyone.

Woah, did the interface change on WordPress? This looks different. The font is different. What the hell is going on.

Anyway, that’s not what we’re here to discuss today. Today we discuss exhaustion and the difference(s) between healthy exhaustion and unhealthy exhaustion. There’s a plethora of differentiators, so I’ll only go into a bit here and of course I’ll use myself as an example. What, did you expect something else?

Right now I’m experiencing a healthy exhaustion. Well, somewhat of a mixture, but mostly healthy. Probably should’ve went to bed a bit earlier last night, but other than that, my exhaustion comes from my daily output and input. What do I mean by that? It’s similar to how I’ve been told to look at my finances: Have more coming in than you have going out.

So how do we do that?

Well, for me, my days start with a zillion sales calls, multiple proposals/pitches/meetings, followed by workouts and hours of coaching. Outside of that, I mentor an hour or two a week. I also lead a BLM grant for a non-profit that takes quite a bit of my time. Now, if I just take a look at that, I see all those activities as events that could lead to unhealthy exhaustion. How do I avoid it? Well, it’s about taking in what you can. For me, that’s dog walks. That’s making sure I have a solid breakfast or lunch. Making sure I step outside and relax for a bit – AKA get the hell away from my computer. Talking with friends is another way to balance out. Stupid shit like video games. Really, there’s a million things and they’re all subjective. It’s up to you to make the choice on how to balance your output with what’s coming in for you. Only you know what recharges you in a healthy manner.

Unhealthy exhaustion for me is very simple to get to. Make sure you give your mind and body a moment to rest. To live in the moment. To be present. To respect yourself and all you’ve done not just now, but in your overall life. Balance yourself out. If you don’t, you’ll be drowning in that unhealthy exhaustion for days on end.

Healthy exhaustion is the goal.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Shaky Writing

Today I sit here 27 pounds slimmer than a month or so ago. Not on purpose, I mean… I wasn’t in bad shape prior to the breakup & new medication. I’m a 6’3″ guy that weighed about 196. Today I clocked in at 169. It wasn’t a good feeling.

Don’t tell me to eat like I haven’t already tried that. I do try to eat. For some reason, my appetite is suppressed & no matter what I do, I don’t work up any supplemental appetite throughout the day.

People have told me I still look good. I look healthy. All that jazz. I mean, I’m back around my fighting weight. I don’t feel good like I did when I was fighting around this weight. I feel like a skeleton, brittle & shaky. It’s difficult to focus on this screen & the movements my fingers are trying to make. Eyes blur constantly. My hands, from wrists to fingertips, are substantially uneasy. I’m not nervous, I just have nothing left in my body. It’s starting to show not only on my body, but in my body, too.

I went to the gym today to try & box, one of my many ways of release/therapy. I hit the bag for about 20-30 seconds & boom! Lightheadedness, breathing difficulties, heart moving at an unrecognizable pace. I stopped. I knew I didn’t have any gas in my body – I mean, I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday. YES, I’M TRYING TO EAT. Ask one more time.

I have a bag of Chipotle in front of me. It’s been in front of me for 30 minutes. I waited 15 minutes to pick up that Chipotle. I should eat it, right? I mean, Chipotle isn’t super duper cheap.

Maybe I’ll eat it later. I should eat it right now. Maybe I’ll eat it later. I should eat it right now. I’ll eat it later.

Every day it’s that. It’s that type of thought that blocks me from eating. I can’t figure it out. I really can’t. Also, when I do have an appetite? Well, it’s still not very helpful. My stomach is the size of an ant right now & it shows when I try to eat – especially while out. I took THREE to-go boxes a couple nights ago. I’m usually the type of person that can order two meals & walk it off fine. It really is a drastic change for me – one I hope to figure out how to reverse sooner rather than later.

So what are my options here? I ask myself this every day. I’ve tried expanding what I eat to things like morning power shakes, more eggs, anything fatty. I’ve tried the extremely healthy route with dairy-free yogurt, bananas, & plenty more fruit. I’ve intersected the two routes & still… no luck.

I’m hoping in writing this before I try to eat Chipotle will help me this time. That’s literally why I’m writing this post. Seriously, I just laughed out loud writing that because holy shit, that’s pathetic. But if it helps, it helps. Who gives a shit.

If you have any tips for someone recently struggling with working up an appetite, loser major weight, & struggling to focus day-to-day due to it – please advise. I’ll take any tips on how to get back on the right track.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Update: Finished half of the Chipotle bowl. I will finish it… in like 30 minutes. Right now I have to work on keeping it down.