Tag: career

Lots Going On

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

How often do I write here now? Every two weeks? Three? I only write when I know I need it. Right now, I do.

Tomorrow I have a boxing match. This one is weird. I’m not engaged. I’m not excited. I just want to get it over with. Maybe I’m sick of competing? Maybe. Or maybe I just have too much stuff going on.

My full-time job is great, it really is. It’s a lot of work, but I’m valued and the pay shows it. Finally. But everything else in life? I don’t feel like I’m getting the value out of it. The NFT stuff, the coaching, and even at times my relationship. It feels like I give a lot of myself and don’t have much of myself by the end of the day. Does anyone else run into that problem?

Also, I feel like I’m running in circles chasing my own tail nowadays. I mean, not every day is the same day, but every day is filled with tasks from about 9 AM to midnight. It’s not healthy – and this goes for weekends, too. I haven’t been able to keep up with any news, watch any of my favorite sports teams, or really see much of my friends. I need help, but I’m stuck with these responsibilities and obligations. These commitments. My pops always told me commitments are important and it’s stuck with me. I don’t want to let anyone down, ever. I’ve done that so often throughout my life and it’s something I just don’t want to do again – especially if I can have control over it.

All that said, the audience I know is screaming “BALANCE, BALANCE!”, and believe me, I’m trying. Each day I wake up I tell myself I’m not going to give into this, I’m not going to do that, but my mind plagues me with “You’re a piece of shit if you don’t do what you told yourself you would do.”

Example? I want to take a nap right now but in my Siri reminders I had “Blog”. What am I doing now? Blogging. What will I be doing after blogging? Getting my laundry done. Will I nap? Probably not.

But maybe if I stop writing, especially now that I’ve been able to muster this aggression out of me and into an outlet like this, maybe I can take that nap. And guess what, I’m going to go do that now.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Shifts

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Yep, I’m still around!

Today I wanted to discuss shifts, because they’re constant. Unavoidable. The human mind changes each and every day and as you all know, we must somewhat change with it.

For me, the shift has been to a much more professional stance. I’ve realized that if I do want to achieve my goals of a boxing gym and more, I must be much more focused on the task at hand and building myself up. I can’t focus on 20 things right now. I have to focus on me. My personal growth. My professional growth. And that’s a shift for me.

When we look at shifts in our lives, sometimes they’re forced and sometimes they happen out of the blue. Either way, both are manageable – if you take a breath and become aware of how you’re feeling about those shifts.

I always mention to check in with yourself. Are you doing that? I’m not doing a good enough job at it. I end up at 2 AM contemplating my entire life. That needs to shift. And I can make that shift, as long as I’m aware while it’s going on. Sadly, awareness can be a tricky bastard.

I’m happy that I haven’t lost touch with this blog. Yes, I don’t post often, I get it. But I do look forward to writing from time to time now, even if there’s not much substance. It helps me feel. It helps me understand the shifts that are taking place in my life. And it helps me stay aware of the little things, which are sometimes the most important things.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Put In My Two Weeks!

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

It happened! I negotiated the offer and got closer to what I wanted. You are looking at a guy with a new job! I start November 22nd and I couldn’t be happier/more intimidated right now. The more important is the former: I’m happy.

I also got to put in my two weeks at my current company. Gosh, that felt good. The stark contrast between both our facial expressions when it was mentioned was fantastic. My boss knows how much I help the team and it was like a dagger to his side to lose me. Sadly this isn’t his fault, but the company’s as to why I’m leaving. They don’t coach. They don’t enable. They don’t push you.

On to bigger and better things. MUCH bigger and hopefully MUCH better.

I say it all the time: don’t be afraid of change.

I wish you the best. Don’t beat the shit out of yourself.

Negotiation Talks & Ma’s Birthday

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

It’s been a few days since I’ve written to you. My apologies. Honestly I have thought about it–I just didn’t have anything to write about. I’ve missed you. Welcome back.

OK! So some big news coming from my camp. I’m accepting a new job this week at a massive company and I’m super thrilled about it. The company I’m at right now is a dead end and lied to me during the interview process, so… yeah, I’m happy. ECSTATIC.

But that’s not the best part of the day. It’s my Ma’s birthday! We did a brunch yesterday since today is a Monday, but after coaching I’ll make sure to drop by her house and say hello. Give her a big hug and tell her I love her. She’s a great mom. The best.

And last thing to update you on: I fight this weekend! In Iowa! I don’t know why I’m yelling! But yes, I’m boxing again this weekend. I have a few pounds to cut so I’m limiting what I eat and wearing trash bags all week (sauna suits) to make sure I come in at weight. Wish me luck.

But yeah, things are exciting right now. In about 40 minutes I have to sit down with my soon-to-be new boss and negotiate my starting wage. I’ve never successfully done that before but this time I hope will be different. I’m more confident in what I bring to the table. I’m more confident in myself and in my life. I hope you are, too. You deserve to be confident.

My anxiety? Depression? All still there. Oh don’t you worry, that shit never goes away. But I let it pass through me much easier now. I constantly remind myself to let things pass through me and not to fight with the negative emotions I have throughout the day. It helps. Just let it go through you–don’t wear yourself down by fighting your own emotions.

Phew, I blacked out writing that. I don’t think I’ll go back and edit. You get what you get, right?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MA!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Not Selling, but I Am Helping

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I’m not worried about streaks anymore. It’s so freeing, honestly. I thought writing every day was helping me, and it was, but not writing every day is helping me, too. Weird, right?

OK, so what to write about today? WORK! So you lot know I’m in sales if you’ve read 2-3 of my blog posts. If you’ve read any job-related posts over the past month or two, you know I’m struggling.

But I’ve found a loophole to not be attacked by management (even though they somehow love me and the VP said last week, “You are exactly what we need in our sales reps.”). It confused the hell out of me. But the loophole isn’t really a loophole. It’s something I wish I could actually get paid for – helping people. I’ve spent a good amount of my last week training and onboarding new employees along with helping others with their deals. Yes, it doesn’t put money in my bank account but it keeps my job secure and I’m helping people. That’s cool. I enjoy that.

It goes to show that if you are struggling in one area, most likely you’ll exceed expectations in another. Keep that in mind. But I really need a deal to close this week. Cross your fingers for me, please? Thanks.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Where I’m at Today

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

If you read my post from yesterday (about two sentences), you know I’m not in the greatest place right now. Days are again starting to repeat, and my “way out” turned out to be a big fat rejection yesterday that shocked me back down to a depressed state.

Yes, I know. Why am I complaining? I still have a job and I still have everything I had before this opportunity came up. I get that. But I don’t work this hard at everything in my life to just stay in the same place every single day. I look to improve, and right now I’m not seeing any improvement. If anything, all I notice is a decline.

So yeah, I’m not in a good place today. I haven’t eaten and the only thing I did for myself was go for a workout. I spar later today and I do feel bad for those that step in the ring with me. I have quite a bit of frustration and anger to let out.

Anyway, I’ll stop bitching. I’m just not in a good place and I don’t have anyone to talk to about where I’m really at in my head, and it’s scary. I hope you’re in a better place.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

NERVOUS

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everybody.

Quick post today. Wish me luck. I have a huge interview at 3 PM CT that could really change a lot for me. I’ve prepared for it but you know how our brains work – very unpredictable.

I’m hoping the best of me comes out. I tried everything in my power so far to pull him out – boxing, running, walking the dogs, eating a little something. It doesn’t seem to be working but maybe by 3 PM I’ll have a bit less anxiety.

I really hope I do well here.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Writing Out the Nerves

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Look, I’m nervous. I have the interview that I’ve been thinking about ALL WEEKEND in just an hour or so. I plan on getting out of this meeting, going for a brief mile run, and taking some deep breaths.

I mean, my hands are already sweating. I don’t usually get nervous for these things.

I wanted to tell someone so I’ve decided to tell you. Voicing nerves and anxiety helps me beat those damn things. I know I’m ready for the interview. I know I’m a fantastic candidate. Now it’s time to truly show that through genuine belief in myself.

My therapist mentioned the “reparent” myself. Now’s the time to do so. Wish me luck! I’ll update you tomorrow.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Update: Success. Moved to the final interview. That mile jog really did the trick for me.

Super Prepared

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

OK, today’s post won’t be about nothing. Don’t even bother reading yesterday’s post. That was an absolute train wreck. I’m scared to even go back and look myself.

Today is a GREAT day! First I started with some sleeping in – it felt nice. My puppy did not enjoy it AT ALL. I’ve never seen him look more starved (don’t worry, he eats PLENTY). I slept till about 8:30 AM and rolled out of bed, fed the dogs of course, swept, showered, walked the dogs, then I got to do something that’s really, really fun for me. I got to go coach a really cool little six-year old. He’s actually technically sound and has some power, and he’s only six! I talked with his mother today and it looks like she does want him to compete, so we could see the little guy competing in boxing (in a safe manner) as early as eight years old! A pretty fun development this morning.

Then I got my work in. Love getting my work in. Music blasting and head down, slamming the heavy bag after shadow boxing an imaginative opponent for a couple of rounds. I followed that with some battle rope work and medicine ball slams, all capped off with a 3-mile run that felt oh so good.

What a day so far, right? Well, I’m not even to the present yet. I came home and made a killer sandwich. You know how I always talk about “small happinesses”? That’s one of them. I really cherished the shit out of that sandwich today. Oh, and I had some AMAZING red kimchi with it. Mhm, mhm, good.

My dogs are really calm today. Both asleep right now. It’s great because I’m actually nervous for tomorrow. I spoke briefly at a tremendous career opportunity coming up here tomorrow. The second interview. I’m focused and I’ve done my research. Hell, I even have thoughtful questions typed out and ready to go for tomorrow already. I feel good about it.

I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but if I do get this job… well, a lot of my money stressors drop out of my life. And the prospect of that is so freeing. But again, I can’t get ahead of myself. I can’t think I’ve already won. I must stay in the moment, be aware of how I’m feeling and more importantly, how I’m responding, and go from there.

I’ll update you lot as I always do. I really hope you’re having an amazing Sunday and get a great start to the week.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

A Sigh (or Sign) of Relief

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Well, I might have finally struck gold. Three members of my team at work left for another company recently and now they’re actively recruiting me. So much so that they’re willing to put interviews on my calendar for next Monday and Tuesday! I mean, we already have the second interview scheduled? They must love my LinkedIn profile quite a bit.

But it really is a huge stress reliever. This company wants to move fast and it’s a 50% pay increase. Also, it’s a job I think I would enjoy much more at a company that’s growing at an immense pace. Also, leadership looks solid across the board.

But I can’t count my chickens before they hatch (that’s the first time I’ve used that expression, I don’t know if I used it correctly) and I must make sure to stay focused on the task at hand: Absolutely crushing the interviews.

Wish me luck. I need a change.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.