I’m Still Here

Hi, everybody.

It’s been a minute. I’m still here but quite a bit has happened over the past few weeks. In this blog, I’m simply going to recount what’s happened here for my own wellbeing. I’ll see if I can break down a few things down the road once I’ve fully grasped them and the impact they end up making in my life.

It hasn’t been good. Not saying there hasn’t been anything good. I got a new job (it should be fantastic) and I’m going to be OK financially thanks to some help. I’m grateful for what I have around me.

But the past two weeks have been a shit show.

I…

  • Lost my dog, best friend of 11 years
  • Lost my girlfriend
  • Totaled my car
  • Phone stopped working from a system update
  • Didn’t get to box because my opponent found himself in jail
  • Cried repeatedly for the past two weeks

But I made it through all the bullshit. I did my best to let it pass through me. Did it win at times? Oh fuck yeah it did. I lashed out, I became the old me, I unleashed everything I dislike about myself. But this time it was slightly different-I was aware of what was going on. Now I still couldn’t stop it and that’s a problem I need to work on, but at least I could feel it build. I could sense where my mind was going.

I can’t thank my support system enough for their help over the past two weeks and well, my entire life. I love you lot. And readers, I’m sorry I haven’t been around. I’ve wanted to write but I’ve been sad. I’m looking to work on that, too.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Fighting Tomorrow

Hi, everybody.

Yep, fight is still on for tomorrow. Fighting some 27 year old guy, don’t know anything else about him. I feel confident. Really confident. So much so that I’m writing to you with my back flat on the ground, neck slightly titled, with a foam roller under my hamstrings. Hold on, let me put my head down for a second–this thing is heavy.

OK, I’m back. This is quite the neck workout.

But tomorrow, tomorrow is the fight! Second one back. Should be able to keep the momentum going into next weekend where I fight on Saturday. From there, I’ll look to my coach to set up a small pro debut.

It’s exciting being this active in the sport and this relaxed on the inside when it comes to the competition. I’m three pounds under the maximum weight for this fight (catchweight at 170 pounds) so I don’t need to worry about a cut. Main thing is keeping my legs and shoulders relaxed and recharging them for tomorrow.

Best thing I can do for myself today to stay ready? Take myself away from boxing for the day. I’ll attend a Septemberfest (don’t worry, worst I’ll drink is a lemonade) followed by my buddy’s comedy show (again. don’t worry).

Relax, recharge, win. I hope you have an absolutely splendid Saturday. I’m going to get back to rolling out these hamstrings (it hurts so fucking bad).

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Excited to Write?!

Hi, everybody!

I’m not in a great mood today but I am going to act like it!

Kidding, I’m in an OK mood but who cares, right?

It’s 10:42 AM CT and I’m finished with most of my work for the day. I can’t wait for the next couple of hours to pass so I can hit the gym, hit the sauna, hit the steam room, and hit the whirlpool. Ah, I love recovering prior to a fight. Also I ate like shit last night so I need to cut that out and lose a little bit of weight before my fight on Sunday.

But man, I am so excited to be writing to you lot today. I really don’t have the slightest clue as to why, but my writing is starting to feel less like a chore now that I know I can stop this streak whenever I damn well please.

I’ve picked up reading again. Normal pattern for me: Read for a couple of weeks, stop for a couple of months, read for a couple of weeks, repeat. I’d like to change that but hey, reading for a couple of weeks is better than most people in this world. At least I think. I’m also getting crushed by my best friend because he reads like two books a week. Insane.

What else is going on? I guess I’ve been on a roller coaster of loneliness/not lonely. The switch in feeling happens so quickly. I really do need to figure out why I’m so different in the morning compared to at night.

And where can I figure this shit out? Through writing. But also I have a therapy session at 2:30 PM today. That should help, too.

What are you up to today? Have you checked in with yourself to see where your head and heart are at for the day? I highly recommend you do so–it always helps me when I take 2-3 minutes to figure out that shit.

Anyway, thank you for reading. Two more days till another dub!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Two Fights, One Weekend?!

Hi, everybody!

Some (maybe) incredible news to share with ya! My coach called me yesterday and told me he can get me matched up for amateur boxing bouts on Saturday and Sunday this weekend. Don’t worry, fighting back-to-back days is normal in amateur, especially if it’s a tournament.

I’m PUMPED. Luckily I’ve been training hard as I knew I fight on the 25th of this month, but getting some solid work here before the end of the year is very important if I want to successfully go pro early 2022. As many fights as possible, please. Keep em’ coming.

Exciting stuff. Now I need to take a step outside, hang out with my pups, foam roll my legs out, ice, stretch, and head to training/coaching!

Oh, you know today is 150 days in a row? I don’t know if I’ll stop. This post was too easy to write. I mean, how exciting, right?!

Let’s beat some people up this weekend!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Hidden Anger

Hi, everybody!

This morning I woke up a bit off. I didn’t want to go to training for the first time in a long time. I think it was just fatigue, because even after training I went and trained some more. So, yeah, maybe nothing to really think about.

But I think I know what happened. I woke up angry. Why? I don’t know, but I could feel it during training. I was barking orders, telling people my dog can listen to commands better than them, and being a bit more of a “harsh” coach.

Before you say it or think it, no, I didn’t cross a line. I coach boxing. If your mental fortitude is threatened by that “insult”, this sport ain’t for you.

But I did need to think about it internally and talk to you lot about it. Not that specific example, but the random anger I feel today. And it’s super odd, too, because honestly I have the most clear, chore-less day I’ve had in quite some time. I mean, I’m about to shower now and after that I have… nothing? Yeah, nothing to do. It’s weird but I’m excited. I’ll probably eat a gummy and watch some boxing on DAZN. Not something to be angry about, right?

But I speak about awareness a lot and right now is a good example. Even though everything seems fine around me, I must be aware of how I’m feeling internally and adjust anything that could impact me or anyone else in a negative, deconstructive way. So here I am, writing to you, telling myself.

Thanks. Enjoy your Labor Day weekend!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Determined & Focused

Hi, everybody.

I wake up now and think about how I can get better.

No, not better at life. Better in the ring. Boxing. Some would say it is my life. I just don’t make money from it. Funny how making money from something can define what you “do”, right?

I’ve set a goal for 50 miles run in September. After two runs, I’m at seven miles. Sub 7-minute miles on a few of the splits! It’s getting better and better every day. So, why am I making this push?

I fight again this month on the 25th. After that, coach wants one more amateur fight. I’ve started to spar with two professional boxers, so I’m officially gearing up for my pro debut. Also, I’m comfortable sitting right around 165 now. I fluctuate between 166-171–perfect amount of weight to cut without drastically zapping my energy.

But it’s not all about the running. It’s about my focus, my determination, and the why. Why am I doing this? It’s a simple answer. Boxing pulled me out of drug addiction. Boxing created a whole community for me I never knew existed. Boxing is everything to me. In the long run I don’t give a shit if I win or lose, I just care that I give all I can to my passion. Does this mean quit my day job? Hell no. I don’t want to live in my boxing bag, that thing smells so, so bad. But I do want to give it my all in and out of the ring, when I can.

My focus. My determination. They will be unmatched each and every time I head into that ring. Will I be out-skilled? Possibly. Possibly. But I’m controlling what I can control. Let’s fucking go.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Endless Contemplation

Hi, everybody.

It’s a chill day. Started it off with some coffee and sparring–now it’s time to sit in my sweatpants and relax. Well, until a birthday dinner later tonight, but that will be quick. Then right back to sweatpants and relaxing!

OK, “Endless Contemplation”, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for the past couple of days. It’s funny because it’s thinking about thinking… if you think about it. OK, sorry, I’m done.

But I have been thinking a lot. Like more than usual. After my last fight, I don’t quite know the direction I should take. My coach is pushing me out even further from a pro debut and I don’t have too much time. I mean, I’m 30. I just want to take a couple pro fights for fun. I’m not looking to make a career out of it. Let me fight.

So yeah, I’m thinking about that. I’ve also gotten back into the trenches of thinking I’m not in the right location. I hate when I get like this, honestly. Do I really think moving would change things for me? It has in the past, but I always end up right back here. So what should I do? Stop thinking about moving.

Oh, and I can’t stop thinking about work. How I can be better. What I’m doing wrong. Do I even want to keep doing what I’m doing.

Endless thoughts. Endless contemplation.

But I look down at my dog (the younger one) and I realize sometimes it just doesn’t matter. Why don’t I let this pass through me and enjoy my time right here, right now? I could stop writing and start cuddling with this doggo.

And guess what. That’s where this blog ends. Right when the issue is resolved (for now).

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Back to Morning Runs

Hi, everybody!

Notice the exclamation mark? Yeah, rare, but needed today.

I went on my first run since the fight and boy did it feel good. I followed it with five 100-yard sprints and five stadium stair climbs. BOY, it felt good.

You know, summer is almost over. It’s a shame. But Fall is upon us shortly and that is super duper exciting. Runs in the Fall? Can’t beat those.

But why is the run important? I think it’s obviously important for physical health, but mentally it’s even more important.

I consider running the most difficult sport in the world if you’re running long distance. Why? Well, let’s say you’re running a marathon. That means you’re stuck alone with your thoughts as you trot along for four to six hours–that’s intense.

I would like to run a marathon one day. I think I could do it now, but the mental aspect of it all throws me off. I need to be a bit more solid up in the old noggin before I think about running 26.2 miles. Or do I? Maybe that’s a goal I set for myself. We’ll see. I was talking about finding a hobby not too long ago (don’t worry, I still want to do photography, just need to find the time).

The point of this blog is not to tell you running is tough. It isn’t. But the constant thinking that happens during a run is tough, especially for people like me. Maybe it’s difficult for you, too. I try to not think which makes me think more. Sometimes I succeed in my goal and just run. Man, there’s not much better than just running without a thought. I’m jealous of Forrest Gump for that–he seemed to be able to do that with ease.

So what am I leaving you with today? Nothing. Go find something for yourself (and I say that in the kindest way because I believe in you).

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Oddly Timed Off Day

Hi, everybody.

I’m the most spaced I’ve been in quite some time. I can’t put a thought together today and I can’t figure out why. Maybe I should stop saying “can’t”, that could be a limiting factor. Maybe I should just stop thinking about it so much and less it pass through me.

I know why I’m off. I injured my elbow last night and I’m not sure if it’s going to heal any time soon. It’s a muscle strain or tendinitis–either way it puts a damper on boxing. That sucks. I’m going to try to train a bit today with a brace on, but the pain I experienced last night when it flared up again during volleyball made me sweat. We’ll see if the ice and ibuprofen helped at all or if I’m fucked and have to rest it for a week or maybe more. I’m really hoping the pain can subside.

So that’s why I’m off. I actually took a half day for the afternoon because I just, well, just been thinking a lot today. And like I said above, nothing has really come from thinking today. If anything, I think I’ve finally hit exhaustion. Sadly I used that title like a month or two back.

I’ll stop blabbing on and on. I’ll try to leave you with something to think about today…

Is there something in your life you’re dependent on? For me, it’s boxing. I noticed today that I need to find some peace with losing boxing because it is 100% possible that happens at any point in my life.

Before I think my mind more into a pretzel, I’m going to head out. Thanks for sticking around for this nonsense today!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Relaxing Fight Day

Hi, everybody.

Honestly I’m pretty even-keeled today. My boxing match is later this afternoon–weighing 165.8 (perfect), feeling healthy, have liquids in me, and mentally I’m all here today. Oh, did I mention I went to bed at 11 PM last night? That’s unheard of.

I’ll update you lot with the results when I find time either later this evening or tomorrow morning. Appreciate you chilling on this journey with me. Let’s go!

Oh, side note: I’m extremely excited to see our younger boxer take her first fight today. She’s going to thoroughly kick ass, no doubt about it.

You must decide that you want to enjoy your life and that there is no reason for stress, inner pain, or fear.

Michael A. Singer

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.