Tag: anxiety

I Lied

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

It’s in the title: I lied. I’m writing to you again after just yesterday telling you I’m done writing for a bit. Oh, boy, how easy do I mess up?

But it’s not a bad thing. I actually had a tremendous day so far and I think the evening is promising.

This goes to show you that it’s important to live in each moment and not think about each possible moment, past or future. Yesterday I felt done with this blog. Today I felt compelled to write to you lot.

I always talk about it: Change is inevitable. It’s going to show up and when it does, be adaptable. You don’t have a choice. Change will always be there, knocking at your front door. Hell, sometimes just skydiving through your ceiling. Be ready for it. I know I’m not all the time but I’m working towards that.

I am aware and I am at ease. Say that a few times… then live the moment you’re in.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Coming to an End

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Don’t worry, this blog isn’t finished! However, I think I need to stop thinking about this streak a bit less (this will be 78 days in a row). It actually drives my anxiety up and with the way I’ve been feeling lately, that’s definitely not needed. Why has this been driving my anxiety up? It’s not the writing itself, but it’s the self-given obligation + not much material to write about. Like today, I don’t have anything for ya really. I played tennis with my Pops earlier, worked out, did a bunch of chores, and I coach later this evening. That’s it. My days are all the same. At least it feels that way. Always in a rush, always looking at the clock.

Want to know what my focus is? I want to make some money. I want to be comfortable enough where I can travel more and just do more. Right now my life is boring. I’m getting to the point where I’m not excited for anything again and it’s fucking scary. My passions are depleting and the repetitive motions are getting to me. What can I change? Myself, a bit. I can be a bit more aware of this feeling and try to combat it with practical ideas, such as doing more work on the weekends so I better set myself up for the week. I don’t know. I’m drowning. I’m 30 and lost. I’m fucking lost.

I’ll still write to you lot, I promise. Maybe not tomorrow but maybe tomorrow, who the hell knows.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Jam-Packed Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Spoiler: Nothing really to write, just wanted to check in and say hi. Hope you’re having a wonderful weekend so far. Also, I’m pretty sure I grossly messed up the title. I don’t know if a hyphen should be there. I really don’t. I’m just winging it, alright?

What are we thinking about today? Lots of things.

  • The girlfriend is in Egypt and she’s homesick and it’s impacting how she’s interacting with me.
  • I have lunch with a couple of friends and then a shit show of a party to go to.
  • I’m really excited for Monday. Why? I get to work on chores and get myself ready for a big week.
  • I’m getting slightly nervous for my trip to Dallas to meet all of my new coworkers.
  • I’m happy I’m writing right now.

I talk about gratitude a lot and I hope it resonates with you as it does with me. Each time I sit down here to write, I’m reminded to be grateful for everything I have in my life, both inside and outside of myself.

We have this one shot, everybody. Let’s use it. And if you don’t want to use it today, that’s just fine. You’ll have more opportunities. I promise.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Fourth of July Weekend!

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Hope you’re doing well today.

I practically started this blog like a work email. Nice.

OK! It’s the weekend, baby. And not just that, it’s the weekend of the 4th! Extra day off. Extra day to… sleep in? Who knows. I don’t have much planned as usual. Nothing tonight outside of boxing training – about to head to the pool right now so I’m writing this blog suuuuper fast.

Tomorrow night will be a shit show. My “drinking buddies” are having a birthday party for our friends. Let’s hope I don’t end up cuddling a toilet, alright? I’m not made up of the same stuff I used to be made up of. I have 2-3 drinks now and fall over. It’s ridiculous, man, RIDICULOUS. But it keeps me from over-drinking, which is nice. Real nice.

Sunday? Well, I don’t know. I’ll figure something out. I’m just happy that my dogs don’t freak out over fireworks and I don’t have too many obligations this year. It should be a relaxing time with a lot of big booms. Let’s do this.

And for those readers of mine that are outside of the US, ENJOY YOURSELF, TOO! Have some fun! Do something stupid, maybe.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pre-Nap Quick Thoughts

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Yes, I’m a grown ass man that takes naps in the middle of the day. I work from home, alright? Little human interaction, in front of the computer all day–it actually does get tiring. Sometimes it’s nice to shut the eyes for a bit to get a recharge.

But I always take thoughts to bed with me. I don’t know about you lot but I feel like that’s pretty normal. So… what are my thoughts today?

  • I’m worried I’m not driving enough results at work
  • I’m tired (duh)
  • I love my dogs so very much and thank them every day for being my work from home buddies
  • I really want a vacation
  • I’m excited to spar tonight
  • I’m excited to nap right now
  • Do I ever write anything of importance?

That last one digs at me sometimes. I’ve been writing on this blog for… 74 or 75 days straight now. Is it too much? Are you lot tired of reading about my routine, what I’m doing, how I’m feeling, etc.? Do I need to slow it down? Should I shift my focus to larger blog posts?

I DON’T KNOW. This is part of my routine and I very much enjoy doing it. Keeps my head on straight. But I don’t want you lot reading nonsense every day. I appreciate you and want to make sure that when you do click into one of my blogs, you enjoy it. So if you have any ideas, tips, whatever it may be, feel free to comment below.

NAP TIME!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

The Fun of Paying Bills

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Today is pay day! What’s that mean? Everything I earn gets dumped into 5+ bills! Woot woot!

I’m lucky and grateful to be able to cover my bills. Please don’t take this as me bitching. I understand many are not in the situation I am in and many are worse off. I’m here to chat if you need to chat.

However, something about getting paid and throwing it all into bills hurts the soul a bit. Granted, I am better off this paycheck than I was the past couple of months, so I’ve done a good job readjusting my budget and laying low on stupid purchases. Also, my debt is depleting and my investment portfolio is increasing. I feel good about that.

But I would like to take a trip. I really would. BUT! Have no fear, work is here to save me on that front. They’re bringing me down to Dallas next month (WILL I BREAK THE (now 72) DAY STREAK? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT).

But now it’s time to forget about the bills paid and understand my happiness, my life, everything, isn’t run by money or how much I’m making this week or next week. My happiness, my life, everything, it’s all run by me. It’s up to me being aware of each and every situation I’m in. Aware of the feelings I have when paying bills and feeling slightly defeated. Understanding and being aware of the constant ups and downs of life. Awareness to act, not react – that’s a huge one.

I’m grateful I can pay my bills. I’m grateful for so, so much. I’m grateful I get to write to you lot daily.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

The Importance of Routine (For Me)

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I write about routine quite often, but it’s really important to me. So here I go again, writing about it. Do I routinely write about routine?

My routine does vary. I promise you. I don’t do the same exact shit every single day, but I do make sure to knock a few things off my list each and every day. What does this do for me? Well, it tells me that I’m still on track. That I’m not losing my shit and I’m not a piece of shit. It reminds me of the progress I make throughout the day. It reminds me, even when I’m down and out, that I can get shit done.

It may be a small part of life but I truly think it’s important one. Now, a routine isn’t for everyone. I’ve known plenty people in the past that a routine does the exact opposite for them. It stresses them out. Makes them feel boxed in. All that jazz. For me, it’s different.

So, what do I make sure to include in my daily routine?

  • Blog (even if I don’t have much to write about… as you’ve seen)
  • Dog walk (sometimes 2x, sometimes 3x)
  • Workout and/or coaching (sometimes light, most of the time heavy)
  • SOMETHING for breakfast (yogurt, toast, or a full-blown American breakfast)
  • 5-10 Minutes at night to sit with my dogs and just breathe

Now there’s plenty else involved. Sometimes I do a bit of graphic design. As you all know, I do hold a full-time job, too, so that’s included in the routine.

But it’s very important for me. I don’t know if you lot are mostly routine people or not, but if you are, make sure you understand the real significance in having that routine. You aren’t just “going through the motions”, you’re doing part of what makes you, you.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Subtle Changes

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I’m back and I’m back with a much better attitude today, thankfully. A few things happened yesterday after I blogged!

  • My roommate came back from Colorado after a 3-week stay.
  • I lost my mind at volleyball, along with one of my other teammates, because we did everything we could to win but our teammates… well, frankly they just suck. There’s no easy way of putting it.
  • More success at work! Demo this morning went well and I woke up extremely early and did it without much help. That’s not like me and I take that as a small success.
  • The most important change: Me. I’m in a much better headspace today and it’s noticeable.

So how did I get out of my shit from yesterday? I think I typed it out. I am aware and I am at ease. I don’t write these things for nothing. I write them as a form of therapy for myself and hopefully it helps you, too. If it doesn’t, well, thanks for reading.

Living in the moment is so very important, but understanding there’s most likely more moments to come is also very important. Why? Well, it’s pretty simple. If you’re living in a shitty moment right now, understand there will be plenty more moments that won’t be like that shitty moment you’re experiencing right now. Trust me on that. If you don’t think you’ll make it past this shitty moment, talk to someone about it. Please. I’m not a burden on anyone. You aren’t a burden on anyone. We’re in this shit together.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Another One of Those Days!

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everybody.

Yep, you guessed it. I’m in the dumps today. Now, I could attribute it to the slight alcohol intake I had yesterday (after all, it is a natural depressant), but I don’t think it’s that.

The weekend is about to end and I have a meeting to start work at 6:45 AM tomorrow. It feels like the weekend just got here. But it’s over. Now we move on to another week of selling. Another week of the same ol’, same ol’. Also, I miss my girlfriend already. She’s in Egypt for another 3.5 weeks. Bleh.

Motivation has been tough for me this past week. I’ve conquered everything in front of me but as the week went on, I felt more and more gassed. Like right now I don’t want to do anything the rest of the day. BUT that’s not possible. I still have a birthday dinner and volleyball to attend tonight. I’m not thrilled on that. Just now I had to stop blogging to answer a phone call trying to change my plans YET AGAIN.

Bleh. I’m not in the mood to write. I hope to come back to you lot tomorrow with a much better attitude. I really do.

I am aware and I am at ease.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

PS – writing does it again. Birthday dinner postponed. I can now breathe again.

It’s Quote Day! Sports Edition? Sure.

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

I’m pretty tired and don’t feel too much like writing. However, reading isn’t half bad right now. I’m in a “sports” mood, so that’s the theme we’ll keep today.

I’ve learned that something constructive comes from every defeat.

Tom Landry

Do you know what my favorite part of the game is? The opportunity to play

Mike Singletary

Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you.

Arnold Palmer

Your biggest opponent isn’t the other guy. It’s human nature.

Bobby Knight

I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.’

Muhammad Ali

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Me