Morning Sprints

Hi, everybody.

Mornings are always odd for me. Same could be said about afternoons and evenings, though.

But today we’re talking about mornings. My mornings consist of waking up a tad bit too late, scrambling to walk my dogs, followed by scrounging for anything in my fridge for breakfast. Usually there isn’t much. I still haven’t picked up any yogurt.

I’ve mixed in something else into my morning: sprints. Yeah, I’m crazy. For some reason running wind sprints at 8:30 AM at the age of 30 is something that I in fact do. What the fuck.

Anyway, there’s again not much to this post. I’m hurting, honestly. I’m sprinting away from my problems. Away from work. Away from communication. Away from everything.

I want things to stop. I want to feel good again. I. Don’t. Know. What’s. Wrong. Now.

And it’s scary. But I have you lot to write to, so thank you.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

30 & Bored

Hi, everyone.

You’ll most likely see “30” as a theme for a bit. Again, still a bit surreal to make it this far for me.

I’m bored as hell, man. I’m doing what I want to do, as you lot know, handling my boxing, my work, etc.., but something is missing. I rarely go out with friends anymore but I think that’s more due to my dislike of drinking nowadays. I can’t tell. Bottom line is I’m bored and it’s becoming a problem. It’s dripping into my head and telling me, “You suck, you should be doing something. What, are you going to just sit there and die? Doing nothing?” Yeah, the “dude” in my brain ain’t too nice sometimes.

Well, I think he’s wrong. Look at me, talking about myself like there’s two of me. This is normal, right? Nah, we all have that little bug. That bug telling us we aren’t enough. We aren’t doing enough. We’ll never being doing enough. But who’s to judge? I have a title fight to watch tonight and I’m excited to see if Devin Haney added power to his arsenal. That’s my Saturday night.

Tomorrow? Well, hopefully starting tomorrow off with sparring. THEN! Then I get to head to my best friend’s daughter’s first birthday party. No, I’m not excited about going to a kid’s birthday party, but I am pumped to see some friends.

So yeah, I’m 30 and bored as hell. Read more? Spend more time with my dogs? I really have no clue what to do. Travel? I’d love to. Problem? Money. Heh.

This blog is going nowhere. It’s time to relax, breathe, and relax and breathe again. Thinking about this shit doesn’t help. Writing isn’t helping for once. Weird.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

I AM THIRTY

Hi, everybody.

About damn time, right?! I can finally be done writing about turning 30 because, well, I turned 30 today.

What am I doing for my birthday? Sticking to my routine but sprinkling in some fantastic interactions with friends. Gym, work, quick coffee with a friend, work, boxing, coaching, and finish the night with some amazing Thai food. It’s nothing special, but sounds like a perfect day to me.

I am going to buy myself a plane ticket to visit a friend in the Northeast and that’ll be my gift to myself. Other than that, it’s just a normal day. I’m glad I didn’t build this day up – holidays, including birthdays, can be extremely stressful for those suffering from mental health issues. They are for me. But I controlled it this time by being aware. Being aware and at ease.

I’d never even think to be “aware and at ease” when I turned 20, actually I was a drug addict when I turned 20, so I think I’m trending upwards.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Do What You Want

Hi, everybody!

I think I’ve mentioned this in recent posts but if you haven’t read those (shame on you), understand I turn 30 on Monday. I told everyone for the past year this didn’t bother me whatsoever. I thought I was telling the truth. But turning 30 is surreal to me. I know it sounds cliché but I thought I’d be dead by now.

I’m happy I’m not dead. I’m happy I’m turning 30. So I guess it doesn’t “bother” me, it just freaks me out. Doesn’t seem real. Feels like I’m living on borrowed time–but I’ll take it.

Now you may be asking yourself, “Why is this titled Do What You Want if he hasn’t even mentioned it yet. I mean, he’s three line breaks in already. Is he ever going to get to the point?”

I tell you lot all the time: I just sit down and type. I originally wanted to tell you not to freak out about big birthday celebrations due to societal norms, but my mind went other ways. I will get to that point now, though. Umm… don’t freak out about big birthday celebrations due to societal norms. I freaked out for a bit then realized I would rather spend my time with a couple really good friends at a nice steakhouse. So that’s what I’m doing.

Do what you want. Always do what you want… well, unless it’s hurting others. If it isn’t, go for it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

To Get Back in the Swing Of Things

Hi, everybody!

My apologies it’s been so long since my last post. It’s been quite a hectic week since I’ve been back from Florida.

  • Strained my thigh muscle by being overcompetitive and not stretching
  • Strained my trapezius muscle by sleeping incorrectly… or something? I still can’t figure it out
  • Overbooked myself with boxing coaching
  • Puppy ripped up two couches
  • Went to the ER after eight hours of constant, writhing stomach pain and it looks like it was just constipation and/or gas
  • Tomorrow I have a root canal consultation

And I turn 30 next month. But we can look at a positive here. And it’s a big one: I’m still here, I’m still writing.

So I’m writing today because 1) I’ve been meaning to and 2) this helps me. I really wish I had more to type. I could call out my buddy, the only real life friend that knows of this blog, for calling me a hypochondriac earlier today. MAYBE I am just a tad bit, but I still stand behind this: The doctor diagnosed these things. So suck it, dude.

Anyway, I hope to be back with you lot much more often moving forward. I start my new job on Monday! Pumped. Kinda scared, but pumped.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.