Author: Henry Butterfly

A Siri Reminder

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I love Siri. Not like that weird movie where the dude falls in love with his phone. Definitely not that type of love.

But without Siri, I would forget SO MUCH. Including writing in this blog. So what’s been up?

I’m finally feeling comfortable in my job and it’s an exciting feeling. I’m almost pumped about my job now and it’s been two years since I’ve had that feeling. Outside of that, I’ve helped two individuals recently with their resumes and LinkedIn profiles – within a day one got an interview with a company he only dream about before! It’s a great feeling when the clients see success. It really is. Makes it all worth it.

I’ve had to tone back from some things in life to keep my head on straight. The NFTs were taking up quite a bit of time, so I’ve dialed back there. I’ve laid a good foundation and I don’t need to be as active anymore. It’s a blessing, really. Hard work does pay off.

I have another boxing match on the 19th of this month! I get to fight the #1 Middleweight in the state. I’m extremely excited and I can’t wait to beat him and be the #1 Middleweight in the state. EASY.

Outside of that, I finally have a healthy relationship with a woman. And I’m able to be open and honest with her about my mental health issues, which really lets us immerse ourselves in each other’s lives without any hesitations. It’s pretty cool to be honest and open about mental health.

My dog is still a dog. He’s becoming much more behaved and chilling out just a bit. Right now he’s napping next to me and I’ll probably join him for 20 minutes or so once I’m finished up writing this here.

For me, at least over these past couple months, I’ve focused on how I’m feeling at the current moment and making sure I don’t take my frustrations from my mental health out on anyone. I’ve failed once, but other than that I have done a tremendous job and I’m proud of myself for it. I never could have dreamed having this much control over my actions a year ago. A lot has changed, and it’s mostly all for the better.

I hope you’re experiencing growth, too. And I hope you’re taking a step back and looking at that growth, patting yourself on the back, and pushing for more.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Understanding Where I’m At

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Hi, everybody.

I literally typed out that “Hi, everybody.” then took a meeting for 40 minutes so I need to readjust. What was I going to write about?

OK, I think I know. Understanding where I’m at, right? Bit ironic how this all worked out but I’m talking about a different understanding. An understanding of how I’m feeling emotionally at almost all times and how I’m now able to somewhat control that. By “control that”, I mean not feel terrible about feeling sad, mad, or confused. Not being overly anxious when I’m happy or rushed.

Having more control over the self. It’s important, and something I’ve been working on for this past year. I’m finally starting to see changes. I think even the people I’m close with can see the changes. I’m not lashing out nearly as much, if any. I’m controlling frustrations. I’m maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Things are looking up. And you know what? It’s all because I decided to take charge. I decided to take action with my mental health. And you can, too.

Remember to use those people around you that want to help. It’s not a handout, as my best friend says, it’s simply someone trying to help. You are no charity case, don’t you dare ever believe that. You are you. Strong. Determined. Fucking ready for anything.

And you know that, too. Because you understand more of the self.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Shifts

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Hi, everybody.

Yep, I’m still around!

Today I wanted to discuss shifts, because they’re constant. Unavoidable. The human mind changes each and every day and as you all know, we must somewhat change with it.

For me, the shift has been to a much more professional stance. I’ve realized that if I do want to achieve my goals of a boxing gym and more, I must be much more focused on the task at hand and building myself up. I can’t focus on 20 things right now. I have to focus on me. My personal growth. My professional growth. And that’s a shift for me.

When we look at shifts in our lives, sometimes they’re forced and sometimes they happen out of the blue. Either way, both are manageable – if you take a breath and become aware of how you’re feeling about those shifts.

I always mention to check in with yourself. Are you doing that? I’m not doing a good enough job at it. I end up at 2 AM contemplating my entire life. That needs to shift. And I can make that shift, as long as I’m aware while it’s going on. Sadly, awareness can be a tricky bastard.

I’m happy that I haven’t lost touch with this blog. Yes, I don’t post often, I get it. But I do look forward to writing from time to time now, even if there’s not much substance. It helps me feel. It helps me understand the shifts that are taking place in my life. And it helps me stay aware of the little things, which are sometimes the most important things.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

2022 – So What?

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Hi, everybody!

The title reads in a negative light. It isn’t supposed to. My bad.

Tomorrow we start 2022! To be completely honest, I’m not at all a “NEW YEAR, NEW ME” type of person, but I am proud of what I’ve accomplished this year. And I’m proud of the ones around me. Grateful, too.

This year had its ups and downs, that’s for sure. But if we were to sum it all up, I think the ups outweigh the downs. And that’s what we want, right?

This year has been about awareness for me. Truly the first year I’ve really focused in on it – and boy am I glad I did so. I’m aware of how I feel so much more often now and CAN STOP myself from doing horrible things and/or saying terrible things.

I’ve also grown professionally and grown physically. Mentally I’ve grown. All year – growth!

Have you checked in with yourself in a bit? You should. I bet you surprise yourself with all the awesome stuff you did this year (and no, it doesn’t have to be a trip to Jamaica or some shit).

Good luck in 2022. Thanks for tagging along with me on these blog posts. I appreciate you all pushing me to write more and more. It helps.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

QB!

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

QB stands for, you guessed it, QUICKBLOG!

I’m off to lunch in a few minutes with my work team but I just wanted to pop in, let you know that I’m doing OK, and to tell you that you’re probably a freakin’ amazing person. Not probably, you are.

Remember that.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

A New World (Overstated)

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Hi, everybody.

I had a reminder set to blog today AND I met with my therapist today, so naturally I’m here. Writing to you. But what about?

Probably about my therapy session. Maybe some other stuff. Let’s see where we go.

I’ve been struggling with mortality recently. I believe it’s from the death of one of my pups, but it’s really been keeping me up at night. I mean, there’s a chance I lose everyone around me before I go. That would absolutely suck. And come to think of it, it’s a selfish way of thinking.

But it still sucks. I don’t want to lose those close to me. And I’ve been struggling with that. That’s all I have on that topic.

Other than that, my life is mainly… screens and boxing. Work (screens), NFTs (screens), blogging (screens), and boxing.

I could use less screens, but I’m quite enjoying the boxing aspect. I’m looking to FINALLY fight pro in April. Exciting, yeah? That’s another thing. I’m excited on a consistent basis now – and shit that feels good. I don’t mean to brag, really. I hope you’re on the way up, too. And if you find yourself crashing down like I do at times, remember that climb up.

I think I’m done. I don’t have much to write about anymore, really. But I try. I don’t want to give up on this blog and I want to keep writing in my life. So I’ll keep throwing random shit here just to get stuff off my mind. Thank you for taking the time to read.

I wish you the best. Try not the beat the shit out of yourself.

Oof, Over Two Weeks?

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Hi, everybody.

My apologies. It’s been OVER TWO WEEKS since I’ve written to you. That’s not acceptable! smacks self

It’s been a busy couple of weeks! I had a lot of cleanup to do from the mess I created about a month back, but things are going well! Today I’m writing to you because my most recent opponent just backed out of our boxing match – soooo, I have nothing to really do the rest of the day.

I thought, what haven’t I done in a while?

BLOG!

I’ve also been in deep on an NFT project and it’s been a lot of fun. Lucrative, too, but really a lot of fun. We’re able to do a giveback imitative with it, too, which is crazy. Why is it crazy? We’re able to raise money out of nowhere. That’s pretty freakin’ cool.

My new job is fantastic. Lovely people. Intelligent leaders. Everything I wanted.

My dog is adjusting well to life without his best friend, the dog we put down just a month or so back. We spend a lot more time at the dog park now.

I guess not blogging is a good sign. Everything I’m typing out is “living life”, and it’s just now that I’m realizing that I am doing what I want to do in life. For once. Yes, everything isn’t perfect but it will never be.

If you keep pushing on, your perception of certain things will change. It’s something I know to be true. Keep pushing. The depression, anxiety, mood swings, all that aren’t completely out of my life. But they’re getting better. I’m experiencing it less. And I’ll take that.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Not Nearly as Consistent

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Hi, everybody.

I know, I know. Last time I blogged I told you lot that I’m back, I’d write more, yada yada. Well, you know life. Shit happens. And it hasn’t been bad shit, I’ve just been busy getting my life back in order after those blips I mentioned in my last blog post.

It’s been hectic getting everything back together in my life. Dog passed unexpectedly, gf broke up with me due to my mental health (again), totaled my car (my fault, yikes), my boxing match didn’t happen because my opponent found himself in jail… and I’m sure there was more.

I’m not here to bitch. I”m here to be grateful and share what I’m excited about.

I’m grateful for my Pops. Without him, I would be drowning in even more depression and even more debt. He’s truly a special individual. I love him with all my heart – even though I fail to showcase it at times.

I’m grateful for my best friend. He knows who he is. He’s brought me outta the mud so many times and with our new NFT venture, it’s really given me another outlet to “distract” myself with. No, I don’t think distracting yourself is good but I don’t mean it that way. I just can’t seem to come up with another word. I guess “hobby” fits. Anyway, if you’re reading this, thank you.

I’m grateful for the communities I’m in, the people around me, my boxers who made a custom hat which says “Coach {{lastname}}”. I’m grateful for so fucking much. I should get that tattooed on the back of my hand or somewhere VERY noticeable. Just to remind myself. I am grateful for so. fucking. much.

I hope to write more. I’m not pushing pressure on myself to do so anymore. I’ll write when I feel like writing. Don’t worry, I still love you lot. And I’m still here. If you comment, I’ll see it. I’ll respond. I’ll be here to chat with you. But I’m done imprisoning myself in thinking “I need to do this, I need to do that”. It’s not healthy.

I’m excited for so many things. I started an amazing new job and it provides so much opportunity. Opportunity to finally look at my life-long goal of owning a free to the public boxing gym as something achievable.

But it’s not about the job. It’s about my state of mind nowadays. I’ve changed. Yeah, I’m still conquered at times by my mental health struggles, but I understand limits and understand my potential. I’m much more aware than I’ve ever been, in and outside the ring.

Enough about me. I hope you’re doing fuckin’ fantastic. If not, hit me up. Let’s chat about it.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Quickie

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

No, it’s not what you think. We aren’t talking about sex today. The title reflects what this blog will be for me: quick. I have a shit ton to do today but on my list was… well, to blog. I didn’t realize that it would just add stress, haha. I do that too often in life – complete overload.

I raked today and I fucking hate raking. It’s over. It’s done. Yard already has leaves back on it. WHAT IS THE POINT?!

Overall I’m better today than I was yesterday, or whenever I wrote my last blog letting you know what’s been going on in my life. I start at my new company tomorrow and … yeah, I’m scared. But I’m excited. You lot know I struggle when I’m not excited about anything.

Was your weekend good, bad, OK? I hope it was amazing. I really do.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

I’m Still Here

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

It’s been a minute. I’m still here but quite a bit has happened over the past few weeks. In this blog, I’m simply going to recount what’s happened here for my own wellbeing. I’ll see if I can break down a few things down the road once I’ve fully grasped them and the impact they end up making in my life.

It hasn’t been good. Not saying there hasn’t been anything good. I got a new job (it should be fantastic) and I’m going to be OK financially thanks to some help. I’m grateful for what I have around me.

But the past two weeks have been a shit show.

I…

  • Lost my dog, best friend of 11 years
  • Lost my girlfriend
  • Totaled my car
  • Phone stopped working from a system update
  • Didn’t get to box because my opponent found himself in jail
  • Cried repeatedly for the past two weeks

But I made it through all the bullshit. I did my best to let it pass through me. Did it win at times? Oh fuck yeah it did. I lashed out, I became the old me, I unleashed everything I dislike about myself. But this time it was slightly different-I was aware of what was going on. Now I still couldn’t stop it and that’s a problem I need to work on, but at least I could feel it build. I could sense where my mind was going.

I can’t thank my support system enough for their help over the past two weeks and well, my entire life. I love you lot. And readers, I’m sorry I haven’t been around. I’ve wanted to write but I’ve been sad. I’m looking to work on that, too.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.