Tag: writing

Complicated Problem (To Me)

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Well, I’m back. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that or not. I am back home. And booooy does it feel good. Doggos are being doggos, running around like crazy, begging for food and walks. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

But I have a problem.

Since my significant other has been gone, I’ve noticed I don’t share the connection I thought I had with them. Things scare me about the relationship, mainly age and where we’re at in life. We’ve went through completely different lives. I’m at a loss. They have been away and when they’re back, I may have to break it off. I’m beat up about this. But I shouldn’t be, should I? At least I’ve realized this. I can’t break up with them while they’re in another country, obviously, that’s heartbreaking. But I do want to have a talk to them in-person. I want to let them know I’m not happy with how things are now that we’re dating.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I do this every single time. I jump into something and realize I’ve fucked up about two weeks in. It’s terrible.

So what do I do? Well, maybe my feelings will change after the next week. Maybe they’ll change before they gets back. Hell, it has been a long month and this week has really put a dent in my mental stamina. But maybe it won’t. Maybe my feelings won’t change.

And what about this pattern I have? What do I do about that?

Usually when I write… I get to solutions for myself. This time that’s not the case. I guess I’ll have to keep digging deeper, try to understand what I’m feeling a bit more, and hopefully receive some advice from friends… if I have the balls to mention this.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Frustration

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 1 Comment

Hi, everybody!

I’m home! I really don’t have the patience to even write a blog today but here I am. It’s going to be short. Really short. I think I need a nap more than anything else right now.

I don’t want to complain, but I do need to vent. I JUST SPENT THREE HOURS ON THE PHONE WITH MY INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER. What came out of it? Nothing.

But why am I writing this? To remind myself of one simple thing that I always mention but always forget: Control the controllable.

Today I’m working on that. Every day I’m working on that.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

One Thing I Couldn’t Do

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Title sounds negative, doesn’t it? It isn’t, at least I don’t think it is. You may think differently. Actually you probably do (and that’s OK).

So what’s the one thing I couldn’t do?

Working in the office five days a week again. As I’ve mentioned over the past couple days, I’m in Texas meeting my new colleagues for the first time, also here for a quarterly business review. Anyway, what I’m driving at is the TIME WASTE of an office. There are benefits, don’t get me wrong. Being able to link up with my colleagues about best practices right away rather than hoping they’re on our messenger app is super awesome. However, I’ve been finishing my days around 2 PM. And I’m performing well. But once 2 PM hits, I’m sitting here for three more hours because I want to make sure management knows I’m a hard worker.

Weird, right? It’s insane to me how this pandemic shifted the way we work, how efficient we are on our own, and how little some industries need office space anymore. Shit, I rebooked my flight for an earlier date because I don’t see the use of me staying here and working–I can get much more done at my own house. And my boss knows that. We all know this here, but we’re holding on for dear life to keep the office as “something that still makes sense”.

Listen, it does make sense for some people, hell, maybe even most people. I don’t know. For me however, no. So what’s that one thing I couldn’t do? Work in an office five days a week for 40 hours or so. Nope. Not for me anymore. Couldn’t do it. Hard stop.

As always, I hope things are going super duper awesome for you today. If they aren’t, notice that and do what you can to get out of that funk. Or sit in it. Just be aware of it, that’s the most important part.

Cheers to working from home, people! Without working from home, this blog may not even exist. Actually… it wouldn’t.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Doing Surprisingly Well in Texas

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Quick update for you. I am not dying on this trip. I’m not losing my mind like I did on my last vacation. I’m actually doing quite well.

So what’s changed? I talk about it often but I really believe it comes down to awareness. Self-awareness specifically. I knew coming here I’d be sleeping in a new environment, that my mind might push me to a state of loneliness, that being without boxing might throw me in a hole.

Well, it did. But I knew it would and I proactively made some adjustments. New environment? I made sure to bring some stuff to help me sleep BUT I also told myself I’d be more involved/social with my coworkers here, and that helped me integrate a bit better into this new place (yes, I know, I leave in like a day or two, it’s not a big deal… but it is for me).

Loneliness always sets in for me in a hotel room late at night when I’m by myself. But this time I didn’t let it happen. I knew where my mind would go (and it did go there) and I fought that shit away. I did that. I did that by myself. And if you can’t tell, I’m proud of that shit.

And the boxing. I knew this would be an issue for me. Boxing isn’t just a sport for me, it’s therapy. I took action. I Googled for boxing gyms near me and guess what? I found a decent one. Well, not really, but it was enough. I threw my headphones in and went at the bags, hit a few shadow boxing rounds, and tried to not step on any toes. It was worth it. I left feeling recharged.

So what am I talking about here? “Oh, I’m doing so great”. – No. The real thing to take away from this blog is that simple “control the controllable”. And there’s a lot more we can control than we give ourselves credit for.

Whatever you fear today, whatever you’re hesitant about, whatever is holding you back–think about what you can control and focus on that. You can’t do shit about anything else. You’ll need to accept that like I’ve had to accept it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Blogging During Meetings

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

As you know if you’ve read my recent posts, I’m currently at a Quarterly Business Review for the company I work for. First time meeting my new colleagues! Everyone has been great so far.

To be honest, I’m extremely bored listening to everyone say the same thing during their presentations, so I decided to write to you. I have to type quietly so I don’t get in trouble.

I’m enjoying the conversations we’re having in this room. It’s collaborative and helpful–much different from my last company. I was scared leaving my last company, moving to something new and more challenging, but now I’m happy I took a bet on myself. When’s the last time you bet on yourself? Do it more often–it’s worth it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

UPDATE: I did not get caught typing out this blog. Nice.

Morning Thoughts

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Each and every day we have here is different. There’s times when everything feels like a replay, but really, every single day is different.

We tell ourselves “no” often. Why? We hate hearing no from others.

I would like to move out of my hometown.

When’s the moment I stop thinking about certain people? How can I get closer to that moment in time?

I constantly need to remind myself about gratitude. Typing out that last sentence reminded me this time.

So what the hell was this? Airport thoughts, really. Maybe I need to start bringing my phone in the shower and typing out shower thoughts. That would be… interesting.

Welp, I’m off to Texas. Flight boards in just a few minutes. I’m gonna miss my pups! And the boxing gym. But I’ll be back Thursday. That’s a short, short trip. I should be fine, right? I will be.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Texas Bound!

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Good news: I’m traveling again! I’m excited this time. I get to meet my new colleagues and get away from all of the mess here where I live. We just had a massive storm and there’s damage and branches everywhere. Can’t wait to get away from it and just act like it didn’t happen (probably should handle it better but heyyo I have a flight to catch in the morning, I need rest).

What’s important today? Management of my time. Calmness. Slowing my brain and heart down. I get anxious when I leave my home. I don’t sleep well elsewhere. It bothers me.

It was important that I worked out today. I am worried about not being able to box. Whenever I’m in a bad mood, boxing gets me out of it. It’s my release, my therapy – similar to writing. Also, will the streak be threatened while I’m away in Texas? WE WILL FIND OUT.

Anyway, I really do hope you’re enjoying your day. Have you taken the time to just sit and breathe? Take in who you are for the day? Do that if you haven’t. Always make sure to check in with yourself.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Control The Controllable

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I wanted to take this time to shoot you a quick reminder that you can only control what you can control. Everything else? Don’t stress on it.

I had to tell myself this multiple times this week as I work from home and continuously have internet issues that could in end cost me my job. However, it’s out of my control. Instead of freaking out, I am finding solutions. Oh, and I got the two free months of internet out of complaining, HA!

But seriously, don’t stress yourself with things outside of you. It’s not worth it. It’s not healthy. Treat yourself right.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

What’s That? A Quote? Multiple?

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Yep, you guessed it! It’s QUOTE DAY!!!!!!

Let’s do this thing, yeah? I got some good ones for ya today (I think).

We learned the shocking truth that “home” isn’t necessarily a spot on earth. It must be a place you can “feel” at home, which means “free” to us.

Maria von Trapp

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

Mary Oliver

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.

Edith Wharton

Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.

Kevyn Aucoin

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Me

I Lied

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

It’s in the title: I lied. I’m writing to you again after just yesterday telling you I’m done writing for a bit. Oh, boy, how easy do I mess up?

But it’s not a bad thing. I actually had a tremendous day so far and I think the evening is promising.

This goes to show you that it’s important to live in each moment and not think about each possible moment, past or future. Yesterday I felt done with this blog. Today I felt compelled to write to you lot.

I always talk about it: Change is inevitable. It’s going to show up and when it does, be adaptable. You don’t have a choice. Change will always be there, knocking at your front door. Hell, sometimes just skydiving through your ceiling. Be ready for it. I know I’m not all the time but I’m working towards that.

I am aware and I am at ease. Say that a few times… then live the moment you’re in.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.