Tag: write

Being Vulnerable With A Purpose

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Over the past two days, I’ve opened up to quite a few new people in my life. Whether it was about where I’m at financially, in my love life, or how my mentals are doing, I’ve made sure to make myself vulnerable to people.

Why? Why the fuck would you do that, man? Sounds terrible.

It is terrible. At the start. Then the other person opens up. Then you listen. Then you have a friend. It’s a scary process, but a very simple process. We as humans tend to overcomplicate the simplest of things. Let’s stop doing that.

I wrote about “ordinary courage” last week. I’ve really been practicing it since then. It’s freeing. I’ve never been embarrassed (in my adult life) about my mental condition, my drug addiction, or any of the other “whoa” shit. However, I didn’t understand the importance of what I’ve went through and how it can positively impact others till I started this blog.

You, me, all of us battling through depression, anxiety, and all the other bullshit. Guess what? We’re fucking champions. And you’re a Champion of mental health. Get out there, speak with people, show that ordinary courage on a daily basis. I can almost guarantee you make a friend or two. And if not, I bet there’s something you do to help others, and really that’s all that matters here.

We’re all in this together, folks. Whether your struggles are mental or physical, we all struggle. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. Get out there and help the fellow strugglers (there’s plenty to choose from). You’ll be surprised on how much you really do have to offer.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Hash Browns For Breakfast

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, errybody.

I don’t know about you, but there’s a certain tell for me if I’m having an absolutely amazing morning: hash browns for breakfast. If you expected something different, you obviously didn’t read the title.

I’ve talked plenty about the importance of embracing the small happinesses in your life. Well, this is one of them for me. And this is me showing you not to just talk about this shit, but be it. Be aware of the little things. They can make all the difference in the world.

A breakfast food. Yes, you could look at me and say “Who gives a shit?” and I’d say back “Good point.”

What are your hashbrowns today? Is there anything just a bit more special today for ya? I’m having a hell of a good time this week. Very tired, but heart so full.

I bet you’re wondering how the hash browns turned out. Well, I did send a photo of them to someone. Want to know the response?

“PERFECTLY GOLDEN?!?!”

Yeah, no big deal.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

The Waiting Game

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

This past week was a whirlwind. A good one. I received one formal offer for a position I’m somewhat looking at, and I should receive an offer from a company today that I really, really want to work for. However, I’m having trouble playing the waiting game. Getting that offer is all that’s on my mind right now, so please, Gmail, show me “1 Unread Message” when I sign in next. I’m begging you.

But I do know patience is important. I understand I can’t ask for something right away because it convenciences me and solely me. That’s selfish. That’s what a company doesn’t want. That’s what a friend doesn’t want. That’s what all of us don’t want.

Let’s transition a bit. I don’t know if I’ve told you what I’ve been working on as an individual over the past month or so. Maybe I have. Most likely I have. But it doesn’t hurt to have a reminder.

Active listening.

I’m very good at active talking. I’m trying to become a better active listener. It’s a work in progress. But right now is a good reminder of it not because I need to listen to one of you, but I need to listen to the common sense inside me. The part of me that keeps me grounded. I need to listen to that side telling me “Hey, the offer will come. Just be patient, stupid.”

And I will listen.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Training To Train

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone.

Still weirded out by the change WordPress made. Hopefully I can stop talking about it at some point.

Training to train. Bold title, right? I’m really running out of ideas. I’m just throwing shit at the wall and hoping it sticks at this point. Appreciate you lot for continuing to show support to this blog. Means quite a bit.

Training to train. Let’s get into it. What do I mean?

Well, as you may know since I’ve mentioned in 1,000x on this blog, I coach boxing. I used to compete in the sport, still think about competing, but I’m most likely staying where I’m at: A coach and forever a student of the sport.

I brought a new boxer to a new gym today. A more… dirty, rough type of gym–one in the hood. My coach always told me if the gym we went to spar at had air conditioning or too many fans, we were going to whoop that ass. He was usually right. It was about time to bring this new boxer to a different, less… well-equipped space. However, with that comes much tougher opponents, tougher coaches around, and the sum of it all is the boxer comes out better. The less provided, it sounds odd, the more the boxer gets out of it. Pushing themselves is what a coach needs to see. We can push you while you’re with us, but the goal is to get you to push yourself when we aren’t watching. Training with integrity.

The boxer was thrown off at first. Very different space. But she had some of her best mitt rounds with me in quite some time. That lack of comfort pushed her to another level this morning. She leveled up today. It was really great to see, along with a few other boxers.

But I messaged her after I dropped her off back at her home, “I need to train to train you.”

She replied, “What does that mean? Explain.”

I replied, “In order for you to continue to progress, I need to make sure I’m progressing as your coach.”

Took me a while to realize that. Quite some time. Maybe I’ve always been working to become a better coach, but now it’s a focus of mine. I do want to compete still, but that’ll take the back burner for now. I still have a few years left in my “prime”.

Now it’s about training to train. Progressing to reach new levels. Coaching with integrity.

I guess this is the first time I haven’t really spoken much on mental health on this blog. It’s odd for me, but hey, this blog can really be anything. That’s the cool part of all this. It’s my brain just spewing out shit. It’s healthy for me. I hope it’s healthy for you.

Continue working on yourself, no matter the difficulty.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Exhaustion (Healthy & Unhealthy)

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone.

Woah, did the interface change on WordPress? This looks different. The font is different. What the hell is going on.

Anyway, that’s not what we’re here to discuss today. Today we discuss exhaustion and the difference(s) between healthy exhaustion and unhealthy exhaustion. There’s a plethora of differentiators, so I’ll only go into a bit here and of course I’ll use myself as an example. What, did you expect something else?

Right now I’m experiencing a healthy exhaustion. Well, somewhat of a mixture, but mostly healthy. Probably should’ve went to bed a bit earlier last night, but other than that, my exhaustion comes from my daily output and input. What do I mean by that? It’s similar to how I’ve been told to look at my finances: Have more coming in than you have going out.

So how do we do that?

Well, for me, my days start with a zillion sales calls, multiple proposals/pitches/meetings, followed by workouts and hours of coaching. Outside of that, I mentor an hour or two a week. I also lead a BLM grant for a non-profit that takes quite a bit of my time. Now, if I just take a look at that, I see all those activities as events that could lead to unhealthy exhaustion. How do I avoid it? Well, it’s about taking in what you can. For me, that’s dog walks. That’s making sure I have a solid breakfast or lunch. Making sure I step outside and relax for a bit – AKA get the hell away from my computer. Talking with friends is another way to balance out. Stupid shit like video games. Really, there’s a million things and they’re all subjective. It’s up to you to make the choice on how to balance your output with what’s coming in for you. Only you know what recharges you in a healthy manner.

Unhealthy exhaustion for me is very simple to get to. Make sure you give your mind and body a moment to rest. To live in the moment. To be present. To respect yourself and all you’ve done not just now, but in your overall life. Balance yourself out. If you don’t, you’ll be drowning in that unhealthy exhaustion for days on end.

Healthy exhaustion is the goal.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Mystery Boxes

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone.

If you’ve been reading my blog for some time, you’ll know 1 – I got out of a relationship a year ago, 2 – I sold my house that had everything of hers in it, 3 – I bought a new house.

Doesn’t sound crazy. Nothing unique. Ordinary shit, I know. But today I realized how difficult it really is to separate from someone fully, even if you haven’t talked to them in months. I mean, maybe it isn’t even possible. Yet to find out. Example? I went through my last boxes to unpack in the basement this morning. Two letters from her. Saw the handwriting, saw the name, ripped them up. Shoved them deep into a trash can and now I’m hoping I don’t think about those letters today.

Welp, I failed but I at least made it about 30 minutes till failure. Look what I’m writing about. The letters. Shit.

Maybe I shouldn’t worry too much about this. This is a natural progression into a new life, a new me, a new everything. It’s exciting going at it alone (well, not entirely alone, I do have a wonderful support system–get one, they’re helpful). But today I’m proud of one thing: I didn’t lose my damn mind over this. Instead, I disposed of the letters and moved on to the next box. A few months back? I would have stopped right there. Went to my bed. Laid down. Got a bit high. Try to fall asleep. Try to forget.

Now? Well, here I am, writing to you about it. I call that growth. If your read my post from… yesterday? Well, we could call this ordinary courage. Have you made small progressions you haven’t yet noticed? I bet you have. I didn’t notice this till it slapped me in my face. Go ahead, take a look in the mirror. I bet you’re better today than you were yesterday, and if not, you’re on your way. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be up reading this. You’d be in the fetal position in your bed, wondering what the fuck to do next. I’ve been there. A lot of individuals have been there. Keep motherfuckin’ pushing. It’s worth it. I promise. I wouldn’t be telling you this shit every single post if I didn’t believe it to be true myself. You. Can. Do. This. Shit.

And if you’re in the fetal position in your bed while reading this, please know that we’re here for you.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Something I Read – Worth A Reminder (Courage)

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everyone.

I’m reading a book called The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown–a wonderful author. This is a book of reflection, challenging your ideals, “letting go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embracing who you are”.

On page 12 and 13, I found something I found particularly interesting and well worth a reminder. Let’s hear Brené discuss courage:

“The root of the word courage is cor–the Latin word for heart. In One of its earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant ‘To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’ Over time, this definition has changed, and, today, courage is more synonymous with being heroic. Heroics is important and we certainly need heroes, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage. Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary.”

Go be extraordinary today.

I will you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Honestly I’m Just Bored

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone. Checking back in. I’m fucking bored (yes, very early cussing in this post).

Today is a very busy day. A few work meetings, going to mentor a hard-headed high schooler, followed by an individual boxing coaching session, and two hours of leading a boxing class.

But right now? I’m fucking bored, man. My work is very slow, I don’t have any interviews coming up till Wednesday, and my dogs are the only ones with things to do around this house (tear up shit, that’s what they have to do). I could be doing stuff, but it’s… well, just more unpacking. I’d rather be bored.

I am excited for the rest of the day. Mentoring and coaching. It’s what I love to do. Boxing, coaching, mentoring, whatever you want to call it: it’s my passion. Only a couple more hours of being in front of this computer making sales calls. I CAN DO IT.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

New Roomie, Past Mistakes

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hey, everybody.

Today I bring in a new roommate. I’ll level with you lot: I am not the best roommate. Very picky in terms of cleanliness and noise. However, I am AWARE of that now, and it’s something I’ll be working on. (It only took multiple people leaving me for these reasons for me to figure this out, but REMEMBER, we focus on the positive here. The positive: I figured it out, now I need to execute on it.)

I am a bit worried but also excited. It’s one of my best friends and I think it will be a good living situation. If not, well, I own the house so I can always handle things if I need to handle things, right? Not much risk here. Also, I plan on writing about some of my past mistakes with roommates because, well, they’re kinda funny. Someone hold me to that, alright?

Anyway, now I need to head to his current house and go pick up a U-haul with the guy. Wish me luck (or awareness)!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Almost Free

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hey, everyone.

Again, I don’t have much to write. I’ve been in isolation for ten days now and… well… nothing’s really happened. It’s been extremely dull. Mind numbing.

Tomorrow I’m free. It marks 11 days and as far as I can tell from the CDC, that means I’m free.

I can’t wait to box tomorrow. I cannot wait.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.