Tag: self care

What

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Lake day was a huge success. Had fun, no mishaps outside a very hefty trip right onto a rock (I’m fine but it was funny), and I woke up refreshed this morning.

So what?

Right? Like who gives a shit. And I’m not saying that in a negative way, honestly. If you read my blog yesterday, or at least I think from yesterday (I had quite a few beers yesterday), you should know that I’m going face first into the now. F the past, F the future, let’s focus on now. I guess a better question than the one posted above would be “Why?”. Why write about what happened yesterday. Why think about what happened yesterday. Why not just focus on now? Right? Right.

So how do we focus on the now at all times? It’s not possible. It really isn’t. But we can focus on the now when we think about the now.

I swear I’m not high, I’m just thinking through the writing. It’s what my professors taught me to do and I believe it’s what my therapist would probably tell me to do now, too. Jesus. That’s actually hilarious.

Anyway, it’s time to focus on the now, people! Like right now I need to stop writing a blog and get my buddy down to the airport. SHIT.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Lake Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I’ve waited all summer for this day. Finally, I’m on a lake.

The person I’m with just ran three miles with me around the lake — that was nice. Guess what? Now it’s time for some tacos and beer. Tomorrow we get back into the thick of training. Let’s have some fun tonight, yeah?

But I have to leave you with something, don’t I? Something to think about. So how about this: Don’t think about anything. Try that. Just let today be today and enjoy yourself. Hell, if you’re successful, it might just roll in tomorrow and you might just enjoy tomorrow, too! That would be nuts, right?

We can hope. We can do our best. We can live. Maybe one day we can live on a lake.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Quick Note to Myself

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 1 Comment

Hi, everybody.

Wait, shouldn’t I say “Hi, me.”?

Whatever.

I’m off to golf with my Pops. I’m pumped. It’s been a while since we last played and well, last time we played I believe we got into an argument. Normal stuff for us.

So what am I doing to be proactive about the chance of that happening again? Writing about it real quick before I hop in the car. Awareness, people, awareness. I am aware that I can be easily irritated and argumentative with my father. I’m also aware I can control that.

Thanks for being an outlet for me, internet and people of the internet.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Determined & Focused

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I wake up now and think about how I can get better.

No, not better at life. Better in the ring. Boxing. Some would say it is my life. I just don’t make money from it. Funny how making money from something can define what you “do”, right?

I’ve set a goal for 50 miles run in September. After two runs, I’m at seven miles. Sub 7-minute miles on a few of the splits! It’s getting better and better every day. So, why am I making this push?

I fight again this month on the 25th. After that, coach wants one more amateur fight. I’ve started to spar with two professional boxers, so I’m officially gearing up for my pro debut. Also, I’m comfortable sitting right around 165 now. I fluctuate between 166-171–perfect amount of weight to cut without drastically zapping my energy.

But it’s not all about the running. It’s about my focus, my determination, and the why. Why am I doing this? It’s a simple answer. Boxing pulled me out of drug addiction. Boxing created a whole community for me I never knew existed. Boxing is everything to me. In the long run I don’t give a shit if I win or lose, I just care that I give all I can to my passion. Does this mean quit my day job? Hell no. I don’t want to live in my boxing bag, that thing smells so, so bad. But I do want to give it my all in and out of the ring, when I can.

My focus. My determination. They will be unmatched each and every time I head into that ring. Will I be out-skilled? Possibly. Possibly. But I’m controlling what I can control. Let’s fucking go.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Early Start

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Last night was some hell, I’ll tell you that much. Not only did my company pry and pry for end of month closes, they also kept a conversation going till about 11 PM at night trying to pull in any deal possible before September hit. Honestly, I wish I was writing this in October (end of September) because I could make an easy, easy Green Day joke right there.

So yeah, that was stressful. Especially since I haven’t brought in a dime all month–but that happens sometimes, I do believe I will have an outstanding month this month as I’ve built a really, really solid pipeline.

But the stress is still there. I don’t wake up early usually, and definitely not for work purposes, but today I did. Today I made sure to wake up early and start climbing the charts. So far? Yeah, no results. But patience, baby, patience. It also doesn’t help that I worked till midnight last night after some heavy, heavy sparring rounds.

But enough bitching. I’m working from home with my dogs by my side. I have an endless supply of coffee and I have a decent amount of groceries. My bills are paid for the upcoming month. There are a lot of positives–but as you can probably tell, work is weighing heavily on my mind recently.

It will all shake out, right? As long as the work is put in, right? I sure as hell hope so.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Dead End

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Another day, eh? It’s gloomy out today. Clouds everywhere, no sunlight available. Meh.

Usually I’m pumped about days like this because, well, I do like to nap. Nothing better than a nap on a stormy day. But today I don’t want to nap. Why? Because I feel like I’m heading in a direction that leads to a dead end (hence the title).

I can’t seem to find that “purpose” in my life with my current occupation and I believe I will struggle with this till I find a solution. Is the solution a new job? Most likely. Do I need to make sure I choose wisely moving forward? Yes.

But some of that stuff is out of my control. I don’t know when the right opportunity will present itself, all I know is that I’m quite miserable with what I’m doing nowadays. My drive for sales has really dropped off, maybe due to management, maybe due to me, maybe a mix of both. I need a solution. Someone sell me a solution, please.

But there are positives when I look a bit deeper. A former drug addict like myself has now held a “big boy” job for 4 years now, going on 5. Yes, I’ve switched companies twice, but that’s been on my terms. No termination! (Knock on wood).

I’ve also grown significantly both personally and professionally. I understand a lot more of what makes this world work, as least here in the US. I’ve had my thought of “everyone is just about money” validated through my 4-5 years of sales work. Most people really are just about money. It sucks. I very much dislike money because, well, it stresses me the hell out.

I think we are moving in the right direction, but I tend to stay on the weary side. What’s that saying? Hope for the best, expect the worst. That’s pretty much been my life, so I think I can continue on that path and stay positive. I understand and I am aware of what my capabilities are, what I bring to the table, and how I can impact this world. Now I just need to make things happen.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Exciting Interview

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 4 Comments

Hi, everybody.

I don’t know if I’ll get the job, I’m sure there are plenty of candidates much more qualified than me, but I’m excited. Why? Well, I just interviewed with a non-profit for a job that actually pays a decent amount (IN THE NON-PROFIT SPACE!). That’s exciting to me.

For four years I’ve sold for private companies, trying to please ownership. If I do take on this role at this foundation, I will be working to, yes, please ownership, but I’ll be driving at making the world a better place. Kinda cool, huh? Sales isn’t all bad. There’s a lot of good-hearted sales folks out there. You lot just don’t give them the chance.

I’ll keep you lot posted. I’m going to go hit the heavy bags and get some food. Not a bad Monday!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Endless Contemplation

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

It’s a chill day. Started it off with some coffee and sparring–now it’s time to sit in my sweatpants and relax. Well, until a birthday dinner later tonight, but that will be quick. Then right back to sweatpants and relaxing!

OK, “Endless Contemplation”, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for the past couple of days. It’s funny because it’s thinking about thinking… if you think about it. OK, sorry, I’m done.

But I have been thinking a lot. Like more than usual. After my last fight, I don’t quite know the direction I should take. My coach is pushing me out even further from a pro debut and I don’t have too much time. I mean, I’m 30. I just want to take a couple pro fights for fun. I’m not looking to make a career out of it. Let me fight.

So yeah, I’m thinking about that. I’ve also gotten back into the trenches of thinking I’m not in the right location. I hate when I get like this, honestly. Do I really think moving would change things for me? It has in the past, but I always end up right back here. So what should I do? Stop thinking about moving.

Oh, and I can’t stop thinking about work. How I can be better. What I’m doing wrong. Do I even want to keep doing what I’m doing.

Endless thoughts. Endless contemplation.

But I look down at my dog (the younger one) and I realize sometimes it just doesn’t matter. Why don’t I let this pass through me and enjoy my time right here, right now? I could stop writing and start cuddling with this doggo.

And guess what. That’s where this blog ends. Right when the issue is resolved (for now).

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

It’s A QD!

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Quote day. QD stands for quote day.

Hi, everybody.

I’m currently at a graduation party but I wanted to write a bit — then I realized I don’t have much today. So what did I do? Scoured the internet for some gosh darn amazing quotes. Just for you.

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.

Morris West

You can say that again.

Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart.

Seneca

I mean, that’s hard to argue.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Vivian Greene

Sense a theme yet?

Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.

Les Brown

Yup.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Me

Oddly Timed Off Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 1 Comment

Hi, everybody.

I’m the most spaced I’ve been in quite some time. I can’t put a thought together today and I can’t figure out why. Maybe I should stop saying “can’t”, that could be a limiting factor. Maybe I should just stop thinking about it so much and less it pass through me.

I know why I’m off. I injured my elbow last night and I’m not sure if it’s going to heal any time soon. It’s a muscle strain or tendinitis–either way it puts a damper on boxing. That sucks. I’m going to try to train a bit today with a brace on, but the pain I experienced last night when it flared up again during volleyball made me sweat. We’ll see if the ice and ibuprofen helped at all or if I’m fucked and have to rest it for a week or maybe more. I’m really hoping the pain can subside.

So that’s why I’m off. I actually took a half day for the afternoon because I just, well, just been thinking a lot today. And like I said above, nothing has really come from thinking today. If anything, I think I’ve finally hit exhaustion. Sadly I used that title like a month or two back.

I’ll stop blabbing on and on. I’ll try to leave you with something to think about today…

Is there something in your life you’re dependent on? For me, it’s boxing. I noticed today that I need to find some peace with losing boxing because it is 100% possible that happens at any point in my life.

Before I think my mind more into a pretzel, I’m going to head out. Thanks for sticking around for this nonsense today!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.