It Gets Better

Example: Me.

Now look, I’m not 100% better. If you’ve followed my blog posts since August when I started this outlet, you know I’ve been struggling with many things in my life. Mainly passion, loneliness, & overall depression. Anxiety gets tossed in there, too. Can’t stand that shit.

Over the past couple of days I’ve actually seen progress. Is it from my meds? Who knows. Is it from my therapy? Again, who knows. Who really cares? If we try to find answers for everything in our lives, we’ll go absolutely mad. Whatever I’m doing is working. I’m not close to my normal self yet, but I’m making progress most days.

Weekends still suck. Way too much time on my hands on the weekends. Monday through Friday? Doing real well.

Work is going well although I am interviewing for other companies (keep all doors open), I’m putting my house up for sale at the end of this month, & my future is quite unknown. I’m not scared about that any longer. I’m excited for it. I haven’t felt excitement in months, so I’m acclimating to it the best I possibly can. I must make sure not to get overexcited, because I’m sure something will slap me in the face over the next few days. You’re quite dense if you think everything is going to go smoothly because all of a sudden you feel like somewhat like yourself again. At least that’s what I think. If you don’t agree, you are a much more positive person & I can’t fault for you that. No one can. Keep that positivity. It’s hard to get back. (Again, example: Me.)

It feels good to genuinely laugh again. To go on dates & actually want to go on dates. To hit the heavy bag with purpose. To golf with my father. To walk my dogs. To cooking some of my favorite meals. To going to a dog birthday party this weekend.

It’s starting to feel like I’m turning a corner. Let’s hope it lasts, eh?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Today Feels Different

I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I feel pretty damn good today. It feels like a new day with actual opportunities in front of me. It feels like a new week with plenty planned out to keep me busy. I feel refreshed, I’m back to eating, & I’ve had a couple good gym sessions in the past couple of days.

Again, I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I feel pretty damn good.

What’s brought me to this point? Probably a mixed bag of my travels, my friends, my dogs, & my general awareness of my mental health. The normal stuff. It feels good… for a lack of better term… to feel normal again. The bags are gone from under my eyes, my smile is back, & I’m back to singing in Zoom meetings.

Again, can’t get ahead of myself.

Today I get to see one of my best friend’s newborn child for the very first time in person. Am I pumped? Hell yes I’m pumped. Oh, there’s a great soccer match on later today, too. Am I pumped for that? Hell yes I’m pumped. Would I have been pumped last week, or hell, even two days ago? No, but things change. Sometimes drastically.

Can’t get ahead of myself.

Ah, screw it. I’m happy today. That’s what matters. Live in the damn moment, will ya?!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.