Bored at The Auto Shop

Hi, everybody.

I figured I would write to you since, well, I am capable of doing nothing else at the moment. You see, I came to the auto shop to get an oil change and some work done. Problem: I can’t connect to an unsecured network on my work device. Looks like you lot are stuck with me now.

Today was weird. I woke up at 8:30 AM. I haven’t woken up that late in months (on accident). What happened?

I truly believe my finally said enough is enough, let’s get some rest. What did I say back? Well, mind, how about a 2 mile run to punish you? It worked wonders. I felt great after the run and dismissed the guilt I felt from sleeping in.

But there’s a problem. I need to get some fucking work done ASAP, and it looks like I’m anchored in here at the Nissan shop… just waiting to get internet back. Oh! And I have a web meeting in an hour.

It’s safe to say I didn’t plan this day well. However, who gives a shit? Let’s push through it, eh?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Morning Sprints

Hi, everybody.

Mornings are always odd for me. Same could be said about afternoons and evenings, though.

But today we’re talking about mornings. My mornings consist of waking up a tad bit too late, scrambling to walk my dogs, followed by scrounging for anything in my fridge for breakfast. Usually there isn’t much. I still haven’t picked up any yogurt.

I’ve mixed in something else into my morning: sprints. Yeah, I’m crazy. For some reason running wind sprints at 8:30 AM at the age of 30 is something that I in fact do. What the fuck.

Anyway, there’s again not much to this post. I’m hurting, honestly. I’m sprinting away from my problems. Away from work. Away from communication. Away from everything.

I want things to stop. I want to feel good again. I. Don’t. Know. What’s. Wrong. Now.

And it’s scary. But I have you lot to write to, so thank you.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

30 & Bored

Hi, everyone.

You’ll most likely see “30” as a theme for a bit. Again, still a bit surreal to make it this far for me.

I’m bored as hell, man. I’m doing what I want to do, as you lot know, handling my boxing, my work, etc.., but something is missing. I rarely go out with friends anymore but I think that’s more due to my dislike of drinking nowadays. I can’t tell. Bottom line is I’m bored and it’s becoming a problem. It’s dripping into my head and telling me, “You suck, you should be doing something. What, are you going to just sit there and die? Doing nothing?” Yeah, the “dude” in my brain ain’t too nice sometimes.

Well, I think he’s wrong. Look at me, talking about myself like there’s two of me. This is normal, right? Nah, we all have that little bug. That bug telling us we aren’t enough. We aren’t doing enough. We’ll never being doing enough. But who’s to judge? I have a title fight to watch tonight and I’m excited to see if Devin Haney added power to his arsenal. That’s my Saturday night.

Tomorrow? Well, hopefully starting tomorrow off with sparring. THEN! Then I get to head to my best friend’s daughter’s first birthday party. No, I’m not excited about going to a kid’s birthday party, but I am pumped to see some friends.

So yeah, I’m 30 and bored as hell. Read more? Spend more time with my dogs? I really have no clue what to do. Travel? I’d love to. Problem? Money. Heh.

This blog is going nowhere. It’s time to relax, breathe, and relax and breathe again. Thinking about this shit doesn’t help. Writing isn’t helping for once. Weird.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Relaxation + Root Canal

Hi, everybody!

I started my day off with some of the most relaxing activities I’ve done in quite some time. Read a bit, sat with my dogs (they’re the best in the morning), and went to the gym for stretching + whirlpool/hot tub time. My body needed that.

Then I drove home. Well, started to… till I realized I had a root canal scheduled in five minutes. Quickly turned around and headed that way. Root canal wasn’t so bad, honestly, but the rest of my day ties together in a hilarious way.

I’m still in Boot Camp for my work. I’ve mentioned that. But today is a heavy speaking day. We’re supposed to practice our presentations (audibly) and work on our pitches (audibly). I was just asked to go before we were let on break. I tried, but the left side of my mouth isn’t working yet. Luckily she left me off the hook.

Speaking of hooks (wow, amazing what I just did there), I have hard sparring at 7:30 PM tonight. The doctor said I’ll be good to go. But it’s funny after getting some semi-heavy dental work done I’ll just head to the gym less than 12 hours later to get punched directly in the jaw (and probably on the left side because I tend to drop my left hand).

I’m grateful. All of these “problems” aren’t problems. They’re funny circumstances. Six months ago this shit would have stressed me out. Now it makes me laugh. Things change–and what do I always say?

Change is inevitable.

I always say that. That’s the answer. I say “change is inevitable”.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Smile to Your Anger

Hi, everyone.

I wake up in the morning a wildcard. I may look tired when I wake up, but I assure you, my mind has plenty of energy. At least negative energy. No valid thoughts, judgments, or anything, really. Just anger. Anger at others for no reason. Anger at myself for, well, stuff I still can’t thoroughly determine.

Yesterday morning was one of many examples. I unleashed on my parents, the people allowing me to stay with them as I close on a new house (finally got one this week). This wasn’t the first time I’ve done this is in the past month I’ve been with them. It’s a recurring process of yelling, arguing, & usually followed by many apologies.

To combat this issue, I need to learn how to listen to myself in the morning. How to tell myself this anger doesn’t stem from what’s around me, but from what’s within. I’ve leaned into a book called How to Fight by Thich Nhat Hanh. So far it’s slapped me in the face with how terrible of a listener I am, but I hope to grow from it.

Growing yourself requires awareness. Awareness can come & go, though. Right now I have clear thoughts–in an hour I may have my brain dead brain back. I might lose control. I can’t, though. Or, let’s not say I can’t, but let’s say the regularity of it happening needs to slow the fuck down.

We “kill” our anger by smiling to it, holding it gently, looking deep to understand its roots and transforming it with understanding and compassion.

How to Fight, Thich Nhat Hanh, Page 20

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.