Morning Monster

If you’re like me, you wake up without a clue on how you’ll feel for the rest of the day. And guess what? It’s our choice on how we want to feel. Now, do we get to that point of feeling good? That’s always up in the air.

I go to bed scared. Honestly, I do. It’s why I’m usually up till two, sometimes four in the morning. It’s scary as fuck to wake up. To bring your mind through its own warzone each & every day.

Wake up, look in the mirror, say you’re shit, take a shower, feel a bit better, get some food in ya, play with the dogs, see if the sun is out. Sun is out? Ah, damn, looks like you need to fill your day with shit. Ah, we’re in the middle of a pandemic, can’t really see anyone. What now? Do you read tonight? Maybe study? Will you have focus for that? Do you have any focus right now? Eh, maybe it’s best if you do everything tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better, right? Has to be.

I swear this thought process happens every morning for me right now. I don’t see an end to it. Each day is relatively the same. Yet, I do have my good days. These are days I need to build from. Days I need to recount when I’m having those shitty moments in the morning. Remember on long drives that I don’t always think negatively about myself. Stop torturing myself for my past.

Life’s full of ups & downs & guess what, we have to fucking deal with them. I’m sorting out mine. I hope you are, too.

Real quick, I read a quote not too long ago, forgive me for not remembering where I found it, but I want to put it on here.

“It’s OK to look in the past, just don’t stare.”

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Waking up on the Good Side

We’ve all been here. The joy I have when I wake up not already hating myself is substantial. But here’s the thing: It doesn’t always last. Again, Mr. and Ms. Reader, I would love your feedback here, but I’ll share some things that I make sure I do when the good side is meeting me for coffee in the morning.

First things first, get the fuck out of bed. I make sure to get the hell out of my dark house (bad window placement), too, and get outside. I’m blessed with a beautiful backyard, a garden, a couple of dogs, so outside makes sense for me. For you, that might be different. Maybe a long shower, bath, or simply stretching and breathing is your way to maintain that good side. Whatever works, just make sure you identify it.

Some other things you must do to keep that good side around as long as possible; make sure you stick to your schedule, understand that things may not go the way you think they should that day, and most of all, be aware. Remember that you are the person, the only person, that can keep you on that good side. That’s powerful. You have that power.

Does the good side always stick around? Hell no. I mean, just thinking about writing this blog while in the shower, the other side made sure to let me know that I’d most likely forget what I wanted to write by the time I got to my computer. The motherfucker was kinda right (I think I had more influential shit to say, but honestly can’t remember), but still, I made it out here. I made it to the computer. I’m sharing my experience. So another thing that’s helping me right now? Sharing. Again, might not be for you, but it’s worth a shot.

Another essential for me is making sure I reach out to my friends and loved ones on my good days. It’s always a great reinforcement to see that your humor, your smile, and your wittiness is still with you – and there’s no one better to use that humor on than your friends and loved ones. Don’t let it go to waste. Never let this side of you go to waste. Always build off of it.

Also, don’t think it about it too much. I mean, I might be fucked because I’m writing this blog on it. Five minutes from now I might hate the world, but I really don’t think so. Why? Well, I said before… We have the power, not the other side.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.