Tag: mental health

Broken Promise

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

First, let me say I don’t know if I ever promised to stop writing daily. I said I wanted to. Things change (as I’ve mentioned in 25-50 blog posts here) and I decided to take some time right now to jot down some thoughts.

Mornings are long, nights are short.

My dogs are a blessing and a curse.

I want more freedom.

I would like to travel to Las Vegas for the Bud Crawford fight on November 20th but money will stop me from going.

Each day feels the same.

I’m missing that special someone in my life and I’m worried that I’ve broken too far apart from that side of me, leaving me alone for the rest of my life due to my failure to open up and be myself. I mean, it’s scary to tell people exactly who you are or how you act – more of what you’re capable of than anything else, really. It’s scary to others.

I box this Sunday. I’m kind of excited for it, kind of not. This was a rushed matchup so I don’t know what I’m getting myself into here.

I wish my mind was more creative. Like, a lot more creative.

Graphic design is something I wish I could create the patience for.

I am thinking about a lot more right now than I even thought.

My investments are doing well for once. That’s cool.

I need a new job. This one will do for now but man, I am bored.

I think that covers my thoughts for right now. I know you lot didn’t ask for them. What are you thinking about today? What’s taking the most mental real estate in your life right at this moment?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Two Fights, One Weekend?!

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Some (maybe) incredible news to share with ya! My coach called me yesterday and told me he can get me matched up for amateur boxing bouts on Saturday and Sunday this weekend. Don’t worry, fighting back-to-back days is normal in amateur, especially if it’s a tournament.

I’m PUMPED. Luckily I’ve been training hard as I knew I fight on the 25th of this month, but getting some solid work here before the end of the year is very important if I want to successfully go pro early 2022. As many fights as possible, please. Keep em’ coming.

Exciting stuff. Now I need to take a step outside, hang out with my pups, foam roll my legs out, ice, stretch, and head to training/coaching!

Oh, you know today is 150 days in a row? I don’t know if I’ll stop. This post was too easy to write. I mean, how exciting, right?!

Let’s beat some people up this weekend!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Bored at The Auto Shop

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I figured I would write to you since, well, I am capable of doing nothing else at the moment. You see, I came to the auto shop to get an oil change and some work done. Problem: I can’t connect to an unsecured network on my work device. Looks like you lot are stuck with me now.

Today was weird. I woke up at 8:30 AM. I haven’t woken up that late in months (on accident). What happened?

I truly believe my finally said enough is enough, let’s get some rest. What did I say back? Well, mind, how about a 2 mile run to punish you? It worked wonders. I felt great after the run and dismissed the guilt I felt from sleeping in.

But there’s a problem. I need to get some fucking work done ASAP, and it looks like I’m anchored in here at the Nissan shop… just waiting to get internet back. Oh! And I have a web meeting in an hour.

It’s safe to say I didn’t plan this day well. However, who gives a shit? Let’s push through it, eh?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Going Through the Motions

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

It’s exactly what it sounds like. I finally understand the “Mondays” joke now. Well, it still isn’t funny but I get it. I get it. Mondays do suck. It’s always a reminder that I’m right here back at my desk making cold calls and sending out creative emails. Yet I’ve run out of creative things to write. I mean, there’s proof right here on this blog.

Am I overdoing it? Do I need to take a break or maybe make a shift (through a vacation) to reset myself? I feel like I’ve relived the same week for about two months, do any of you struggle with that? I’m curious. I can’t be the only one, right?

But I am tired of going through the motions. It’s only 11 AM CT and I’ve hit my goals for work today. What do I do for the next six hours? Who the fuck knows, really. I will probably mow my lawn, take my dogs on a second walk, and hopefully not nap. Napping always puts me in a bad mood. However, it’s hard to keep your mind stimulated throughout the day when you’re just running through the motions. And when the mind isn’t stimulated, the body tends to wilt.

Let’s shoot for change today, eh?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Decision Made

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

It’s a R&R type of afternoon and I’ve had some time to think about this blog. I’ve decided the quality of my posts has drastically taken a hit with this damn streak on my mind, so I’ve set an end date for the streak.

With this post, it will be 147(?) posts in 147 days. That’s a lot. I think a lot but not enough to write THAT much. So I’ll be calling my daily streak quits at 150.

Now that sounds like a commitment, I get it, but it’s not. If I feel like I need to keep writing to solve a thought in my head or if my anxiety kicks in and doesn’t want to let the streak go away, I will continue to write.

But right here, right now, I think a good stopping point is 150 posts in 150 days. The goal was originally 30 posts in 30 days. We’re about to 5x that! Insane, right?

But the content has struggled as of yet. I apologize for that. I don’t know if it’s really because I’m writing too much. I think it’s just been my mood. I’m back to that whole “not excited” me. I hate this version. Luckily it hasn’t been hitting me like a ton of bricks as it usually does, but that time could come if I don’t figure something out.

So yeah, I might keep writing. But right now, let’s agree to stop at 150.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Understanding Yourself

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Do you have a difficult time understanding yourself? I do. Not all the time but, well, a lot of the time.

The funny thing? Most people I know think I’m one of the most confident people they know. The faces we can put on, right? You lot know the real me more than most in real life.

Are we made to understand ourselves? What’s to understand? Both good questions and both extremely difficult to answer. I mean, even when I think about things now, I wonder how I’ll ever “understand” myself or what that even means. But I came into writing this blog thinking it. Now, after the wonderful power of writing struck, I don’t think there is an understanding of ourselves. I mean, we kind of just are what we are, right? No need to understand it.

Again, what the hell did I just write?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Quote Day Because My Head Hurts

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I had a rough time at sparring yesterday so instead of trying to dig deep into my shook brain, it’s going to be a good ol’ fashioned quote day! Let’s begin, yeah?

Too often we think in negative affirmations. Negative affirmations only create more of what you don’t want.

Louise Hay

If you want to live, you must have no permanent abode. You must have no place to rest your head. You have to flow with it.

Anthony De Mello

The one who would be constant in happiness must frequently change.

Confucius

Your duty is to stand straight – not held straight.

Marcus Aurelius

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Me

35

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Today’s an odd day. A good day but a sad day. 9/9/86 – My brother’s birthday. He passed at the age of 9, so quite some time ago. Today he would have turned 35. I spoke to him at his grave, “I wish I could have you as a friend.”

It hit home. I do miss my brother, or at least the “idea” of him. I was only 4, turning 5 in a few days when he passed away. I didn’t know him that well, no one did, he was only 9 when he passed. But from what my parents tell me, he was one bright light in this world.

A few times a year I do think about him – not as often as one might think. He passed in 1996, so I’ve had my time for closure and repair. However, I do think about what it would be like to have that constant contact. Have a brother there for me and me there for him. I think it’s a large reason as to why I try to mentor others and coach others – I want to be there for someone. I wish my brother could be here for me and vice versa, but that’s now how life works. Life works the way it wants to work, and it’s silly to be mad about it.

I think about what my brother would think about me. I know that “doesn’t matter” according to literally every self-help book out there, but that’s their damn opinion. I’m curious. I want to know what he would think of me, how much we would get along, how close we would be. But I don’t have that chance and neither does he. That’s OK. That’s what this world laid out for us and that’s what we have to cope with, learn from, and move through.

What the hell am I talking about now? I think my emotions are taking control here. I do miss him. Quite a bit. But I still have family, a mother and father, that mean the world to me. Today is about making sure they’re OK, not me. And I hope I do a good job at that. As for what my brother would think about me? What our relationship would be like? I know it would be good. I know he would care for me and I would care for him. Why am I asking such dumb questions, eh?

I love you, my brother. I hope to see you again.

pause

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Active Listening? Maybe

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

It’s time to re-focus on something I’ve been telling others I’ve been working on for the past couple of years: Active listening.

What is active listening? Well, to me it’s very simple. It’s just listening. It’s not trying to listen and coming up with what you’re going to say back while the individual is talking to you. It’s just listen, think, respond if needed. I need to do better at that, both personally and professionally.

Why is it important? Again, simple to me. If I’m telling someone a story and right when I finish they jump into something about them or, well, really any quick response, I know they weren’t actively listening. They were waiting for me to stop talking so they could chime in.

I don’t want to be that person anymore. I’ll do my talking here and my listening out in the “real world”. Wish me luck. Also, try it yourself–you’ll be surprised how much more you’ll learn from each and every conversation you have throughout your day.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Understanding Relationships

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I really hope you’re doing well today. I am. I hope you are, too.

I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships–and not just those with a significant other, but I’ll focus on that specific situation here.

Recently I have spent quite a bit of time with what some would call a “significant other” or someone I’m in a relationship with, but I don’t believe we identify with that label. Or maybe I’m misunderstanding everything around me. But we have talked about it and decided that dating isn’t a good idea right now–but is that truthful from both ends?

So now it’s about trying to understand or unearth what we do not know. Whatever’s going on inside that other person’s noggin. It’s a scary venture and I’m here to tell you one thing: DON’T DO IT.

It’s not your job to know what the other person is thinking. It is on you to treat someone with respect and dignity, but it is in no way, shape, or form your job to express another person’s feelings for them.

Am I just telling myself this so I don’t feel like a dick? Yes and no.

I’ve made this mistake many of times before and I hope I’m not making yet another mistake here. I enjoy the company, I enjoy the conversation, I enjoy the other stuff. Maybe one day it will evolve into something else, but right now I’m happy with what’s in front of me. I’m happy with what I’m doing right now with this situation.

So, yeah. Understanding relationships is kind of your job, I guess that’s my point here. It’s your job to understand where you’re at in the relationship and it’s your job to be respectful of the person you are with.

Sounds easy, right? Ha.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.