Tag: mental awareness

Put In My Two Weeks!

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

It happened! I negotiated the offer and got closer to what I wanted. You are looking at a guy with a new job! I start November 22nd and I couldn’t be happier/more intimidated right now. The more important is the former: I’m happy.

I also got to put in my two weeks at my current company. Gosh, that felt good. The stark contrast between both our facial expressions when it was mentioned was fantastic. My boss knows how much I help the team and it was like a dagger to his side to lose me. Sadly this isn’t his fault, but the company’s as to why I’m leaving. They don’t coach. They don’t enable. They don’t push you.

On to bigger and better things. MUCH bigger and hopefully MUCH better.

I say it all the time: don’t be afraid of change.

I wish you the best. Don’t beat the shit out of yourself.

Negotiation Talks & Ma’s Birthday

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

It’s been a few days since I’ve written to you. My apologies. Honestly I have thought about it–I just didn’t have anything to write about. I’ve missed you. Welcome back.

OK! So some big news coming from my camp. I’m accepting a new job this week at a massive company and I’m super thrilled about it. The company I’m at right now is a dead end and lied to me during the interview process, so… yeah, I’m happy. ECSTATIC.

But that’s not the best part of the day. It’s my Ma’s birthday! We did a brunch yesterday since today is a Monday, but after coaching I’ll make sure to drop by her house and say hello. Give her a big hug and tell her I love her. She’s a great mom. The best.

And last thing to update you on: I fight this weekend! In Iowa! I don’t know why I’m yelling! But yes, I’m boxing again this weekend. I have a few pounds to cut so I’m limiting what I eat and wearing trash bags all week (sauna suits) to make sure I come in at weight. Wish me luck.

But yeah, things are exciting right now. In about 40 minutes I have to sit down with my soon-to-be new boss and negotiate my starting wage. I’ve never successfully done that before but this time I hope will be different. I’m more confident in what I bring to the table. I’m more confident in myself and in my life. I hope you are, too. You deserve to be confident.

My anxiety? Depression? All still there. Oh don’t you worry, that shit never goes away. But I let it pass through me much easier now. I constantly remind myself to let things pass through me and not to fight with the negative emotions I have throughout the day. It helps. Just let it go through you–don’t wear yourself down by fighting your own emotions.

Phew, I blacked out writing that. I don’t think I’ll go back and edit. You get what you get, right?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MA!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Colorado Vibes

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I know, alarming off the bat. I used the word “vibe” in the title. Who have I become?

In all seriousness, I had an anxiety attack as I normally do when I head out on a trip. Luckily I had someone to talk to about it. It’s nice to be close enough to someone to talk about these things audibly sometimes. It’s also nice that she cares and tries to understand.

Tonight I get to take her out to dinner after a long car ride and some dispensary/walking around fun this afternoon. I’m grateful for that. But I wanted to make sure to take a moment here, breathe, acknowledge this, and move on with the night.

Thank you for being an outlet for me. Anxiety, depression, all of it — we can beat any of it. You can. I can. It doesn’t happen all at once, but one won battle is worth a celebration. Celebrate yourself tonight/today/whatever time it is for you right now.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

I Just Feel Like It

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Today’s been exhausting (in a good way) and it’s flown right past! Soon I’ll be off to training/coaching (next fight is November 6).

So why am I writing to you lot today? I really don’t know. It’s almost as mysterious as this allergic reaction happening on my face (The doc just said to put coconut oil on it…). I don’t have much to talk about, really. I just felt like I should check in and say hi, maybe see how you’re doing, and go about my day.

So, how are you?

If you were to ask me that question, I’d say pretty damn good. I’m not the best I’ve ever been but I am being the best person I can be at this time. And that’s important to note: AT THIS TIME. I’ve done a much better job of staying in the moment recently – maybe that’s why my mental health has been a bit better over the past week or so. Hm.

Writing is cool, isn’t it? I never thought about that till just now. Writing is so damn cool.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Dinner & a Movie

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Well, I finally did it. I got my first “outbound” sales deal at this company. AND GUESS WHAT? I already had plans and now those plans can be a bit more celebratory.

You know, this entire week has been a mess for me internally, but it goes to show you that anything can change in an instant. Trust that. Believe that. Don’t bank on it because you never know when something will click, but don’t beat yourself up about shit. It’s not healthy. I do it all the time and each time I do it I end up hating myself more. Don’t be like me. Fight better than me. You can do it. I know you can.

Wow, I really broke off right there.

Anyway, tonight is a dinner and movie night with the girlfriend. Should be fun. I’m excited, are you?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Structure Changes

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Is not hearing from me every single day nice? I bet it is. Also, it helps me keep this blog filled with good content, not fluff. Although you could make an argument that literally everything I write on here is “fluff”, but I hope you don’t take it that way.

One of my English professors always talked about stream of consciousness in writing and I believe that’s kind of what I do best. So yeah, that’s why you read what you read from me. I just think and type, think and type, think and type. I usually come in here with some type of structure or plan, but I veer away from it in record time almost always.

Like I almost just did.

Today I wanted to talk to you lot about how things are going with me (SURPRISE!) and what I’ve noticed after slowing down my writing.

  1. I don’t have anxiety/stress from the “need” to write to you lot
  2. I am able to have more freedom in my mind and I don’t feel the need to “solve the problem” right away
  3. I’m embracing each moment and letting it run through me
  4. I feel better about who I am

Now not all that can be contributed to me stopping the streak (accidentally). A lot of that has to do with how I’ve been structuring my days. Simply put – I really haven’t been structuring my days. It’s kind of freeing. I’ve been much more open to going out and doing random things. I don’t play nearly as many video games so I’m staying away from screens a bit more. Shit, I even booked a Colorado trip with a new girlfriend. Yep, I said it. Girlfriend. Crazy, innit?

But yeah, things are changing for me. I might even have a new job soon. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to always keep you lot posted on anything going on in my life, sometimes annoyingly so.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Not Selling, but I Am Helping

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I’m not worried about streaks anymore. It’s so freeing, honestly. I thought writing every day was helping me, and it was, but not writing every day is helping me, too. Weird, right?

OK, so what to write about today? WORK! So you lot know I’m in sales if you’ve read 2-3 of my blog posts. If you’ve read any job-related posts over the past month or two, you know I’m struggling.

But I’ve found a loophole to not be attacked by management (even though they somehow love me and the VP said last week, “You are exactly what we need in our sales reps.”). It confused the hell out of me. But the loophole isn’t really a loophole. It’s something I wish I could actually get paid for – helping people. I’ve spent a good amount of my last week training and onboarding new employees along with helping others with their deals. Yes, it doesn’t put money in my bank account but it keeps my job secure and I’m helping people. That’s cool. I enjoy that.

It goes to show that if you are struggling in one area, most likely you’ll exceed expectations in another. Keep that in mind. But I really need a deal to close this week. Cross your fingers for me, please? Thanks.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Boxing Frustrations

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

As you may have read on this blog, I plan to go pro in boxing early next year. Sadly, the training isn’t picking up with my coach and if anything, he’s starting to slowly remove himself from daily trainings. And I don’t know why. I’ve asked but he seems to not notice himself.

So I’m frustrated. But what have I learned through boxing? No one does anything for you. Everything you get out of yourself in that ring comes from within. Yes, team is important, but your overall mental fortitude and GOALS are what’s most important.

I’m driven. I will be pro next year. I will win.

Feels good typing that.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Seven Minutes

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I have seven minutes to write to you. After that, I’m right back in meetings.

Today has been one hell of a ride. I actually experienced some success at work for the first time in about a month–feels nice.

But I have experienced quite a bit of frustration, so I must remind myself that I should not let anyone’s language or actions toward me, either negative or positive, impact how I feel today. I must remain myself and not let pettiness get in the way of truly being myself today.

You can probably tell I’m reading more of that awareness book, yeah? Yeah, I am.

But it’s true. Why let anyone’s negativity really impact you? Who does that help? It helps you get angry and no one wants that. Let it pass through you, slide off your shoulders, whatever. Be the better person. Actually, scratch that. You aren’t the better person in this situation. You’re just the person who decided to continue to be themselves no matter what was in front of you. And that’s a win. A huge win.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

PS: My job sucks.

New Streak?

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I put up a post yesterday while I was lying in bed sweating. If you missed it, well you missed that I missed writing a post for the first time in 168 days or something. I woke up devastated (and hungover). But I read an excerpt of a great book and it pushed me right out of that negative space.

So now my thought is… do I build up a new streak? I mean, it did keep structure in my life. It kept me focused on the task at hand and you lot ended up being an army of therapists for me. It’s kind of nice, ya know? But there is stress that comes with having to write every day.

Now that I think about it (see, I always say writing is so very important to think things through), I don’t believe I’ll give a shit about a streak going forward. I want to provide good content for you lot, my audience. You don’t need fluff. You want to read good shit, not a bunch of words just to hit a damn streak.

But thank you. Thank you for sticking through the streak with me. Some of you read every single post. I really appreciated that. Some of you commented your own thoughts and built a small conversation with me, I am so grateful for that.

I hope this blog keeps growing. I need to figure out how to make it grow. I’m not in writing for money but I would love to reach a larger audience (insert ad – kidding). I would love to chat with more people. If you have any ideas, maybe even a website revamp, let me know. I love hearing from you.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.