What, that doesn't explain it enough?
Hi, everybody!
Today is a special day. The man himself, Pops, turned ## today!
We golfed this morning. Relaxing. Had a couple of arguments but we’re past those already.
If you have family, keep them close, even if you tend to get on each other’s nerves every so often. Family is important. You’re important.
I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.
Oh also, Pops, if you’re reading this—I love you and appreciate you. Thank you for being there for me every second of my life. – Bud
Hi, everybody!
Yesterday my dog turned 11 years old. I’ve had her since she was 3 months old. She’s my “ride or die”, and yesterday was fantastic.
First off, we started with a walk. Now, keep in mind I do have a puppy. He’s about 1.5 years old, so he benefited GREATLY from yesterday. Secondly, I made sure to provide a plethora of treats. Dog cookies? Check. Beef tendons? Check. Dental chews so they don’t have terrible breath from the beef tendons? Double check.
But I do get sad seeing my dog age. Like I said, she’s my “ride or die”–really she’s my everything. She’s helped me through so much. Multiple break-ups, multiple spells of extreme depression, moments I thought I’d kill myself, and hell, she even saved a woman who hanged herself at my house. How? Well, I didn’t see my friend’s legs hanging out of the closet, my dog did. She saved that woman. My dog is a damn hero.
Dogs have a special connection to me. When my brother passed when I was young, my parents got me a puppy not as a replacement, but as a new friend. Ever since then, I haven’t been able to live without a dog. They truly are something special. If you’re a cat person, that’s fine, just know dogs are superior in every single possible way. And that’s fact, not opinion.
It was good to see my dog have so much fun yesterday. Today she’s limping because she went a bit too hard at the dog park, but it’s all worth it to her. Plus I have plenty of medication and supplements to help with her pain.
Yesterday was a good day. Seems to be a theme nowadays. I can get used to this.
Happy birthday, my 11-year old badass doggo!
I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.
Hi, everybody.
I’m of course tired. Long day with heavy sparring yesterday and I received the second Pfizer vaccine. The effects of it are hitting me pretty hard today. Again, I don’t care if you’re for or against the vaccine, I’m just telling you today I’m slightly uncomfortable due to nausea and fatigue. No big deal. It will pass.
So yeah, I’m not feeling the best. Sounds like a “quote for a blog” type of day to me, yeah?!
“Joy does not simply happen to us. You have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.”
– Henri Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey through Anguish to Freedom
Want a second one? OK.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
– Rumi
Hey, I provide content at least.
I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.
Hi, everybody.
Title is pretty self-explanatory. I’m at the vet. Both dogs getting juiced up with their yearly shots so I decided to write to you lot. Hopefully they’re drowsy the rest of the day, right? I could use a break from their energy.
So what’s on the agenda today? BOXING! And fixing up a boxing club that’s been in the community for 43 years. It’s a tremendous place run by one of the best men you could possibly meet. He’s run this club for FORTY THREE years. And it’s all been free for inner city kids to come box and compete out of there. You hear that? 43 years of service to community. All to help, not for money. Pretty damn cool.
Combat sports are cool. The community is even cooler. You would think we’re all jerks who want to beat everyone up, but it’s quite the opposite. Now put us in a ring with someone and yeah, we want to beat that person up. But I’ve never seen a more helpful and inclusive community than the boxing community here where I live.
I’m excited to go down there and paint some more, bullshit with the coaches, and give my boxers hell for messing up on the trim.
Today’s another busy day, but another good busy day. I’m excited for today. I hope you are, too. If you aren’t, think about volunteering some of your time. It’s never a wasteful act.
I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.
Hi, everybody!
Two blog posts in less than an hour. I’m on fire, man.
I recently finished up The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. Amazing author. Amazing female author if you’re looking to diversify your reading.
I sent quite a few quotes from this book to multiple people. Not all the same quotes went to the same people, but I felt like I should share some here. Let’s get into it. I don’t know if I’m going to be anal about the formatting here. Kind of don’t feel like making it perfect. We’ll see.
Brown is an author known for her studies on shame, vulnerability, acceptance, amongst other things. We’ll discuss love and belonging here because I believe she has some really beautiful ways to think of both of these emotions/feelings/whatever.
“If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.”
She continues, “Worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites.”
Here’s a few I found worth sharing:
“What is at the heart of Wholeheartedness: Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.”
Brown dives even deeper into belonging, “One of the biggest surprises in my research was learning that fitting in andd belonging are not the same thing. In fact, fitting in gets in the way of belonging. Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who were are; it requires us to be who we are.“
Brown points out three issues she’s willing to call truths:
And this next part is just too good not to share, “If we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we want to engage with the world from a place of worthiness, we have to talk about the things that in the way: Shame, Fear, Vulnerability.”
That’s what I do in this blog. That’s what I do with my support system. That’s what you should do, too. Take a few minutes to think about these words. It’ll do you some good, I promise.
I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.
Hi, everybody!
I’m back! My dogs love it. I have a 40 second clip of them freaking the hell out when I got home. One of my friends tells me one of my dogs sings when I get home. I don’t know if I’d call that singing, but eh, she’s definitely happy. I also have a picture of a completely destroyed couch which I noticed AFTER all of the excitement. Oh well. One is just a puppy. That’ll happen.
That’s not to say I didn’t flip a biscuit a bit when I saw the couch. Luckily I was home so I was able to collect myself, then head to the gym to let out some frustrations that arose from airport people and well, the couch.
But man, it feels good to be back. I know I finally have a “home”. My last house and location didn’t feel like home. This does. It’s a good feeling.
Now I move into a week of nothing but boxing. I don’t start my new job till the 19th, so I’m planning on making next week very, very fun. Lots of reading, maybe some hiking, and definitely dog parks. I’m excited. Oh, and I won’t wake up till at the latest 8 AM. Probably closer to 9 AM like I did today. Feels good.
So now being back home, even if I was only gone for a short time, I need to catch up with some things. Check my finances, pay some bills, clean the house, do laundry, etc., but I get to do this all at home. I’m excited about that.
I’m excited for a lot of things, really. If you would have asked me what I’m excited about six months ago, I would’ve been speechless. It’s a priceless feeling to be excited, especially about so many things.
I really don’t have much to touch on today. I really do hope you’re taking good care of yourself. Taking action when needed and giving yourself a break when needed. Balance is very important. I know, I know, it’s hard for people like us to find balance. But it’s not impossible.
I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.
Hi, everybody!
Tomorrow I head to Florida. Family trip. Pretty pumped, don’t get to do this too often. Won’t have my computer but I’ll try to post from my phone if I think about it.
And yes, I promise, I am pretty pumped. Am I a bit worried? Not really, but kind of. I’m leaving my routine for a week, which is going to be a bit odd. Now, my routine does shift throughout the week, but the meat of it stays the same. This next week, everything will change. I’ll be around my parents often, which is always a challenge for me. It’s nothing to do with them. It’s everything to do with me. I need to stay aware of that while I’m gone.
But I always tell you lot we can’t spend our time worrying. We can’t focus on just the negatives. We can’t. We’ll go mad. We’ll have to start a blog just to keep our head above water… oh, wait.
The positives? Plenty. You want to know what I can’t wait to do? Jump rope in beautiful weather with water around me. Run in the sand. Shadow box in the sand. Try new training exercises with natural resistance.
“BUT IT’S A VACATION!”
Exactly. That means I can do what I want with my own time (which should really happen all the time, not just vacation). Right now, what makes me happiest is training myself both physically and mentally. I plan to continue to do that while I’m on vacation. Looks like the meat of the routine isn’t threatened whatsoever.
It took writing to understand that. Ain’t that beautiful? I had a question to start with and through writing, I was able to figure out an answer. Fuck, I love this shit. It’s amazing what we can do ourselves even when we’re worried, scared, in fear. Trust yourself.
I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.
Hi, everyone (again)!
I don’t know why I’m back. I just finished a blog for the company I work for, so maybe that was such boring writing that I had to come back here to finish the night off the right way. Let’s begin: (insert cuss word).
Kidding. Well, mostly. I am happy to be typing away on this website again, that’s for sure. It feels like life’s slowed down a bit. Judging by my dogs, we’re all getting much more comfortable with our surroundings. The young pup is to the right of me, frantically fighting to stay awake. He won’t last long. The older pup? Well, she’s on her perch, protecting this house. I love em’ both.
What else is going on? Let’s check in with you. Anything super fun happen recently? Any firsts? Any subtle changes to your life ending with big differences? Even small differences? Are you giving yourself enough fuckin’ credit yet? I hope so. I really do.
I started this blog through a challenge my buddy gave me. I didn’t think I’d last this long writing on it, honestly. I made sure to try to pick a catchy name so I could stick with it longer, but really it’s turned into something real for me. It’s brought back my love for writing. Yeah, this isn’t the best writing, I know, I know, but fuck it. It’s writing. I like it. Hopefully you like it. If you don’t like it, well, you’re lying. You’re already this far into the blog. If you didn’t like it, you would’ve clicked “back” already or just put your screen down. But you didn’t. You’re still here with me. I’m still here with you.
This blog started as a depression, anxiety, overall mental health outlet for me. It still is. I’m still fighting each and every day. I’m still doubting myself in portions of my day, but not nearly as often as when I first started this thing.
I’m getting better. A few months ago I thought I was going to kill myself. I didn’t. I’m still here. It’s because of you that I’m still here. The reader. The friend who pushed me here. The Pops who reads this shit (and probably winces at every cuss word). It’s you lot that keep me going.
People say happiness comes from within, through loving yourself, etc.. What should be emphasized there? “People say”. It doesn’t mean it applies to you. I don’t think it truly applies to me, honestly. My happiness comes from spending my time for others. It doesn’t come from within. I need you people. I’m not scared to say it. I love you fucking people, even the irritating ones.
Keep being you. Please.
I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.
I have a habit of this.
I have many habits (as many addicts do). Most of my habits are bad, too. One habit? Jumping into things way too early.
I have to break up with a really nice woman later tonight. Currently I’m eating tacos & downing tequila because I really, really dislike this interaction in life. There’s nothing satisfying from it. Yes, you get to let that person go. You get to move on. Yet, the tears, the disappointment, everything that comes tumbling down – it hurts. Both sides.
I’m regretting my decision of jumping into this, rushing into this, but part of me doesn’t hold that regret. Over the past few weeks, I’ve made a tremendous connection with someone. We’ve shared laughs, hugs, kisses, ideas, & much more. I really hope we can remain friends. You never know what’ll happen down the road. Right now, I need my time. I need to love myself.
I wish you well. Try not to beat yourself up.
Receiving a no rather than a maybe is always preferred in my book. This comes down to almost anything, minus maybe a few small things. I work in a competitive market & hear the word “no” quite often, so it doesn’t bother me. If anything, it frees me up to do other things, things actually worth my time. Tasks with potential, or in this case, working on myself.
You lot know I’ve struggled immensely over the past few months with my depression & anxiety. All of that stems from my past, but it was triggered most recently by a breakup. Breakups are never easy – this is the second one I’ve been on the wrong side of, & to be quite honest, I’m terrible at reacclimating my life once a split happens. It’s something I need to work on, & it all starts with that one saying you hear from EVERYBODY: You need to love yourself.
Well, I’ve had issues loving myself for about 15 years now. Some days I adore myself, most days I can’t stand the sight of myself. Now, this is just over the past… seven months, so hopefully I manage to swap those percentages down the road. I mean, that’s why I started this blog – an outlet, somewhere I can place my thoughts, & as I write, I work through my issues. It’s really been a great tool for me, & if you’re just a reader I highly advise you to start your own blog for an outlet. It’s much better than a personal journal.
Closure. I finally received it from my ex. I was told I never stand a chance of getting back with her due to my mental health & how I treat people close to me when I’m struggling. I can’t blame her. She’s right. I treated her like shit. My depression, my anxiety, allowing those two things to control me really controlled everything else I did. Meaning I didn’t have control. I still don’t have control, but I’m getting better. And now with closure, I can start to move on.
Yesterday I read something I thought to be extremely helpful in times like these. “It’s OK to look in the past, just don’t stare.” I can’t remember where I read this, I think Reddit, but it really makes a lot of sense. Now, with closure, I can stare a bit less. I know that moment is gone for me & it’s time to focus on the present & a bit on the future.
Closure is a good thing, even if it’s a bit harsh. False hope is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone, & if you have the opportunity to get some closure, even if you think it’s not the answer you want to hear, do it. It will allow you to move forward.
I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.
The Two Sides of Me 