Fighting This Weekend

Hi, everybody.

My confidence isn’t sky high for my fight this upcoming weekend. And it has nothing to do with my boxing skill – which is a good thing.

However, I’ve been quite unsure of myself over the past couple of weeks. I can’t pick out why. It feels like I’m losing a lot of what’s built me up to this point.

But on to the fight – I get to fight the #1 guy in the state in my weight class. I’m pumped about that. Today I need to rest my body and make sure I’m on weight. Easy enough.

But tonight, what do I do? My sleeping habits have been poor, my eating habits not much better, and I’m exhausting myself each and every day. I need to let this negativity pass through me and go from there.

See, the power of writing. Just let the solution come to you. Try it sometime.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Understanding Where I’m At

Hi, everybody.

I literally typed out that “Hi, everybody.” then took a meeting for 40 minutes so I need to readjust. What was I going to write about?

OK, I think I know. Understanding where I’m at, right? Bit ironic how this all worked out but I’m talking about a different understanding. An understanding of how I’m feeling emotionally at almost all times and how I’m now able to somewhat control that. By “control that”, I mean not feel terrible about feeling sad, mad, or confused. Not being overly anxious when I’m happy or rushed.

Having more control over the self. It’s important, and something I’ve been working on for this past year. I’m finally starting to see changes. I think even the people I’m close with can see the changes. I’m not lashing out nearly as much, if any. I’m controlling frustrations. I’m maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Things are looking up. And you know what? It’s all because I decided to take charge. I decided to take action with my mental health. And you can, too.

Remember to use those people around you that want to help. It’s not a handout, as my best friend says, it’s simply someone trying to help. You are no charity case, don’t you dare ever believe that. You are you. Strong. Determined. Fucking ready for anything.

And you know that, too. Because you understand more of the self.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Determined & Focused

Hi, everybody.

I wake up now and think about how I can get better.

No, not better at life. Better in the ring. Boxing. Some would say it is my life. I just don’t make money from it. Funny how making money from something can define what you “do”, right?

I’ve set a goal for 50 miles run in September. After two runs, I’m at seven miles. Sub 7-minute miles on a few of the splits! It’s getting better and better every day. So, why am I making this push?

I fight again this month on the 25th. After that, coach wants one more amateur fight. I’ve started to spar with two professional boxers, so I’m officially gearing up for my pro debut. Also, I’m comfortable sitting right around 165 now. I fluctuate between 166-171–perfect amount of weight to cut without drastically zapping my energy.

But it’s not all about the running. It’s about my focus, my determination, and the why. Why am I doing this? It’s a simple answer. Boxing pulled me out of drug addiction. Boxing created a whole community for me I never knew existed. Boxing is everything to me. In the long run I don’t give a shit if I win or lose, I just care that I give all I can to my passion. Does this mean quit my day job? Hell no. I don’t want to live in my boxing bag, that thing smells so, so bad. But I do want to give it my all in and out of the ring, when I can.

My focus. My determination. They will be unmatched each and every time I head into that ring. Will I be out-skilled? Possibly. Possibly. But I’m controlling what I can control. Let’s fucking go.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

If You’re Like Me, Read This

Hi, everybody.

A friend who shares somewhat similar struggles as me recommended a book recently. Usually I say “OK, I’ll read it” and never follow through.

Well, it helps your recommendation to be read if I’m attracted to you. And that’s the case here. But boy, am I glad I listened to her and my attraction.

What’s this book? Published in 2007, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer, provides a gut punch to your inner self. The battle between outer vs. inner. You know, a lot of what this blog is about. At least that’s what I’ve read so far.

Pick the book up if you want to. I’m three chapters in and it’s already caught my eye. Enough so where I’m recommending it this early. Hell, the book could be absolutely terrible by the end of it all. But if you pick it up, at least read through chapter three.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pool Chilling (My Day)

Hi, everybody.

I’m a freak about this streak now. I already posted today (check it out – really good quotes) but it didn’t give me the streak reward. So here I am.

I made today about me. I woke up, walked the dogs before it got too warm, and headed to the gym. Got in a few solid bag rounds and now I’m out by the pool. I was reading but this blog distracted me. You lot distracted me. I can blame you, right?

I do need to get back to reading.

But today is my day. I’ll do what I want. I plan to make NFTs later (yeah, I know, weird), followed by volleyball and USA soccer.

Today will be a good day. Nothing will stop that.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Marcus Aurelius Quotes

If you remove your judgement of anything that seems painful, you yourself stand quite immune to pain. ‘What self?’ Reason. ‘But I am not just reason.’ Granted. So let your reason cause itself no pain, and if some other part of you is in trouble, it can form its own judgment for itself.

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

My soul, will you ever be good, simple, individual, bare, brighter than the body that covers you? Will you ever be complete and free of need, missing nothing, desiring nothing live or lifeless for the enjoyment of pleasure?

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

We were born for cooperation, like feet, like hands, like eyelids, like the rows of upper and lower teeth. So to work in opposition to one another is against nature: and anger or rejection is opposition.

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

Life for each of us is a mere moment, and this life of yours is nearly over, while you still show yourself no honor, but you let your own welfare depend on other people’s souls.

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Me

Last Day in My Twenties

Hi, everybody!

Yesterday was fantastic. The idea to have a “treat yo’self” dinner with a couple close friends for my birthday celebration was 100% the correct decision. Queen cut prime rib cooked a perfect medium rare, classic mashed potatoes, unique but delicious green beans, and a salad bar. I mean, I couldn’t ask for much else. Oh, also a nice bottle of Beaujolais, which happens to be my favorite red wine.

It really was perfect. We followed it up with a couple drinks at a bar right next door. The bartender there was… well, she was probably five shots deep by the time we entered the bar. It was an experience, that’s for sure.

Today is my last day in my twenties. Again, surreal. I’ve mentioned that plenty. But I’m excited for today. Why? It’s another day I’m here. Sounds corny but I’m fucking pumped I can say that nowadays. Look at this blog when it first started. I hated myself.

Now I’m starting to love myself again. And I’m heading into a whole new decade of learning, growth, etc., and I couldn’t be more excited about it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Do What You Want

Hi, everybody!

I think I’ve mentioned this in recent posts but if you haven’t read those (shame on you), understand I turn 30 on Monday. I told everyone for the past year this didn’t bother me whatsoever. I thought I was telling the truth. But turning 30 is surreal to me. I know it sounds cliché but I thought I’d be dead by now.

I’m happy I’m not dead. I’m happy I’m turning 30. So I guess it doesn’t “bother” me, it just freaks me out. Doesn’t seem real. Feels like I’m living on borrowed time–but I’ll take it.

Now you may be asking yourself, “Why is this titled Do What You Want if he hasn’t even mentioned it yet. I mean, he’s three line breaks in already. Is he ever going to get to the point?”

I tell you lot all the time: I just sit down and type. I originally wanted to tell you not to freak out about big birthday celebrations due to societal norms, but my mind went other ways. I will get to that point now, though. Umm… don’t freak out about big birthday celebrations due to societal norms. I freaked out for a bit then realized I would rather spend my time with a couple really good friends at a nice steakhouse. So that’s what I’m doing.

Do what you want. Always do what you want… well, unless it’s hurting others. If it isn’t, go for it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pushing On

Hi, everybody!

Hope your morning is off to a great start. Mine is, now I await my 9 AM “Boot Camp” for my new job. Not pumped. It’s very repetitive.

I did have a slight meltdown yesterday. I had some issues with my mental health provider and their front desk. No, I wasn’t being a Karen, I promise. But I wasn’t happy. I almost fired my Psych & Therapist, but luckily they somewhat talked me out of it.

But this goes to show you that no matter how great you’re feeling, that lil’ bastard in the shape of depression, anxiety, or both can appear any time they feel it’s necessary.

Yes, I know we do have control. But I don’t believe we do all the time.

I fought through. Talked to the right people in my support system. Made sure to take care of myself through the sport of Boxing. Hell, I even got headshots done in the evening.

I pushed on, through, whatever you want to call it. I was aware and not at ease — now I’m aware and at ease. It’s a nice feeling. But more growth is necessary. And inevitable.

Push on, people.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Half Day By Surprise

Hi, everybody!

I woke up this morning with three extremely painful fingers, a weak right wrist, lower back pain, and immense shoulder tightness. Wasn’t thrilled. Age is a factor when it comes to training, also my recovery sessions aren’t nearly good enough.

Well, I’ve told you lot before sometimes things just happen for us. I thought today I would have to sit in front of this computer and just sit in this slightly uncomfortable pain all day, but my boss messaged me early this morning.

“Have a good weekend?”

Easily, yes. I did have a great weekend. Not even a question.

He followed with, “Boot camp starts tomorrow, how about you take a half day today?”

Easily, yes. My body thanks you.

Now I get it, this is pure coincidence. “This won’t happen for me.” I can hear you yelling back at me already.

But I bet it does happen for you. Maybe not in this exact way, but the world isn’t out to get you. You might be out to get yourself, but no, the world isn’t out to get you. People might be, but you have the power to change who you surround yourself with, what you surround yourself with, and putting yourself in the right circumstances for good things to happen for you.

That’s what I’ve spent the last six months doing. Putting myself in better places, better circumstances so good things do happen. I couldn’t keep getting stepped on. I couldn’t get kicked anymore. I had to fight back and I had to make changes. I’m happy I did. I’m happy I realized I do have enough strength to beat my depression and anxiety, even if it’s just for a few moments a day.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.