Tag: gratitude

Thanksgiving!

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

It’s of course been a minute since I last posted here, but I figure a post leading into Thanksgiving makes a bunch of sense for this website.

So what am I grateful for this year? A lot. Number one thing? My mental fortitude. I struggle on a day to day basis, but I always end up OK. Sometimes better than OK. And I’m grateful for that.

My parents. My god, my parents. They are everything to me. They mean so much to me, and I am so thankful and grateful to have them in my life.

My very best friend who I will not name. The only person in the entire universe that really knows all of me. The one person in the universe I can trust with anything and everything. Love you, brother.

My dog Louie. I mean, he’s right next to me snuggled up. He’s always there for me. I’m always there for him. We’re grateful for each other.

My career. It brings me security and honestly I have a lot of fun doing what I do. Not all folks are in this position and I acknowledge that. I’m thankful to have this privilege.

And you lot. I’ve had this blog for roughly two years, maybe a bit over. I don’t get crazy views, I don’t get crazy comments, but I do see you folks reading this blog and actually giving a damn. I hope you get something out of it like I do.

Thanksgiving is the best holiday. Endless food, sports, and you’re celebrated for taking a nap. Can’t beat it. However, I know some of you are not in this state of mind or not as privileged as I am to have these blessings. I hope you find the small happinesses in your life to bring yourself to a state of gratitude this week. If you would like to chat about it, feel free to comment.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Not Nearly as Consistent

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I know, I know. Last time I blogged I told you lot that I’m back, I’d write more, yada yada. Well, you know life. Shit happens. And it hasn’t been bad shit, I’ve just been busy getting my life back in order after those blips I mentioned in my last blog post.

It’s been hectic getting everything back together in my life. Dog passed unexpectedly, gf broke up with me due to my mental health (again), totaled my car (my fault, yikes), my boxing match didn’t happen because my opponent found himself in jail… and I’m sure there was more.

I’m not here to bitch. I”m here to be grateful and share what I’m excited about.

I’m grateful for my Pops. Without him, I would be drowning in even more depression and even more debt. He’s truly a special individual. I love him with all my heart – even though I fail to showcase it at times.

I’m grateful for my best friend. He knows who he is. He’s brought me outta the mud so many times and with our new NFT venture, it’s really given me another outlet to “distract” myself with. No, I don’t think distracting yourself is good but I don’t mean it that way. I just can’t seem to come up with another word. I guess “hobby” fits. Anyway, if you’re reading this, thank you.

I’m grateful for the communities I’m in, the people around me, my boxers who made a custom hat which says “Coach {{lastname}}”. I’m grateful for so fucking much. I should get that tattooed on the back of my hand or somewhere VERY noticeable. Just to remind myself. I am grateful for so. fucking. much.

I hope to write more. I’m not pushing pressure on myself to do so anymore. I’ll write when I feel like writing. Don’t worry, I still love you lot. And I’m still here. If you comment, I’ll see it. I’ll respond. I’ll be here to chat with you. But I’m done imprisoning myself in thinking “I need to do this, I need to do that”. It’s not healthy.

I’m excited for so many things. I started an amazing new job and it provides so much opportunity. Opportunity to finally look at my life-long goal of owning a free to the public boxing gym as something achievable.

But it’s not about the job. It’s about my state of mind nowadays. I’ve changed. Yeah, I’m still conquered at times by my mental health struggles, but I understand limits and understand my potential. I’m much more aware than I’ve ever been, in and outside the ring.

Enough about me. I hope you’re doing fuckin’ fantastic. If not, hit me up. Let’s chat about it.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

People Surprise You

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Today is about everyone else around me.

Have I told you I have a Pops that supports me no matter what?

Have I told you I have a best friend that would most likely run through a literal wall for me?

How about the person that’s picking me up from the airport even though I’ve been a dick? And guess what, she understands what the hell is going on in my mind and enjoys me for who I am. What the fuck? How. I can’t even do that.

I need to stop underestimating people and thinking I’m shit so you’ll obviously think I’m shit. I’m not shit. You most definitely aren’t shit. If anything, you’re fantastic. You’re out of this world.

People don’t surprise you. We’re just too damn narrow-minded to grasp the blessings around us. We are so focused on the future and making sure this and that are right that we don’t focus on the now and the individuals showcasing immense heart and love each and every minute of our lives.

We look too forward. At least I do. Ooo-wee (some of you may get that reference). But damn, I talk about gratitude and I just don’t show it. I don’t walk the damn walk. I need to start doing that. I really do. Not just for me, but for you.

It’s off to Dallas for a work trip. See you lot down south.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Morning Thoughts

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Each and every day we have here is different. There’s times when everything feels like a replay, but really, every single day is different.

We tell ourselves “no” often. Why? We hate hearing no from others.

I would like to move out of my hometown.

When’s the moment I stop thinking about certain people? How can I get closer to that moment in time?

I constantly need to remind myself about gratitude. Typing out that last sentence reminded me this time.

So what the hell was this? Airport thoughts, really. Maybe I need to start bringing my phone in the shower and typing out shower thoughts. That would be… interesting.

Welp, I’m off to Texas. Flight boards in just a few minutes. I’m gonna miss my pups! And the boxing gym. But I’ll be back Thursday. That’s a short, short trip. I should be fine, right? I will be.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Jam-Packed Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Spoiler: Nothing really to write, just wanted to check in and say hi. Hope you’re having a wonderful weekend so far. Also, I’m pretty sure I grossly messed up the title. I don’t know if a hyphen should be there. I really don’t. I’m just winging it, alright?

What are we thinking about today? Lots of things.

  • The girlfriend is in Egypt and she’s homesick and it’s impacting how she’s interacting with me.
  • I have lunch with a couple of friends and then a shit show of a party to go to.
  • I’m really excited for Monday. Why? I get to work on chores and get myself ready for a big week.
  • I’m getting slightly nervous for my trip to Dallas to meet all of my new coworkers.
  • I’m happy I’m writing right now.

I talk about gratitude a lot and I hope it resonates with you as it does with me. Each time I sit down here to write, I’m reminded to be grateful for everything I have in my life, both inside and outside of myself.

We have this one shot, everybody. Let’s use it. And if you don’t want to use it today, that’s just fine. You’ll have more opportunities. I promise.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

The Fun of Paying Bills

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Today is pay day! What’s that mean? Everything I earn gets dumped into 5+ bills! Woot woot!

I’m lucky and grateful to be able to cover my bills. Please don’t take this as me bitching. I understand many are not in the situation I am in and many are worse off. I’m here to chat if you need to chat.

However, something about getting paid and throwing it all into bills hurts the soul a bit. Granted, I am better off this paycheck than I was the past couple of months, so I’ve done a good job readjusting my budget and laying low on stupid purchases. Also, my debt is depleting and my investment portfolio is increasing. I feel good about that.

But I would like to take a trip. I really would. BUT! Have no fear, work is here to save me on that front. They’re bringing me down to Dallas next month (WILL I BREAK THE (now 72) DAY STREAK? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT).

But now it’s time to forget about the bills paid and understand my happiness, my life, everything, isn’t run by money or how much I’m making this week or next week. My happiness, my life, everything, it’s all run by me. It’s up to me being aware of each and every situation I’m in. Aware of the feelings I have when paying bills and feeling slightly defeated. Understanding and being aware of the constant ups and downs of life. Awareness to act, not react – that’s a huge one.

I’m grateful I can pay my bills. I’m grateful for so, so much. I’m grateful I get to write to you lot daily.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Feelin’ “Blah” Again

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Welp, this is why the site is called “The Two Sides of Me” because guess what?! I’m back in the dumps. Why? No fucking clue. Can I get out of it? What do you think I’m trying to do here?!

I know I’m in control of myself now. I can push myself through these “blah” days and fuck, that feels amazing. Each word I’m typing here is freeing me of that negative mindset, that mindset that I’m not good enough for today. Writing is so damn powerful.

But I’d love to find out why I feel this way so very often. What am I doing the night before to make me wake up in such a slump? Or is it something I’ll just have to deal with the rest of my life? I think it’s that. I think I’ll be dealing with this poo for the rest of my life… but to be honest, I’m OK with that. I know I’m strong enough to push through and if I’m not, I have a support system to back me up. I’m blessed. I’m grateful.

What about you, though? Are you taking a moment each day to check in on yourself to see how you’re really doing? Not your Instagram, not your Twitter, but your real life. How are you actually doing? If your blood pressure spikes reading that question, take a deep breath. You’re not fucked. You’re just aware now. That’s powerful.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Doggos

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everybody.

This week for me has been about gratitude. It’s very important to check yourself every once in a while and appreciate what you do have in your life. And what’s something I’m extremely appreciative of? My doggos.

This pandemic hasn’t been fun as we all know. But I can tell you one thing for certain: my doggos have kept me going each and every day. If I’m down, I grab one of them and cuddle. If I’m up, I take them for a ride to the dog park.

My doggos are always there for me. (Should I stop referring to them as doggos now? I don’t know if I can, I mean, it’s in the title.) “Man’s best friend”. And for good reason. The loyalty they show is something we could all learn from. I know they’re animals, but my god they are fantastic at living in the moment. We could all learn something from doggos there, too.

But love is where they excel. And I’m grateful to have their love and loyalty. They’re my best friends and I wouldn’t change that for the world. Thank you, doggos.

Oh! Quick reminder: ADOPT, DON’T SHOP!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Sunny Days, Sunny Days

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I GOT PAID TODAY. IT FELT GREAT TO PAY OFF SOME BILLS.

OK, moving on. Everyone, today is GORGEOUS where I’m at. As always, I started with a nice cup of cold brew and a dog walk. Amazing walk. Dogs barely pulled me (I’m kidding, they destroy me… always).

After that, I jumped into meetings. Tonight is my Pop’s birthday dinner. I mean, can this day get much better?

IT CAN! I don’t have to work at the boxing club tonight and my body truly needs the rest. Instead I get to eat steak and shrimp. I can’t believe I come on this blog to complain. I mean read what I just said: I get to eat steak and shrimp.

Gratitude. I need to work on that.

I am grateful for today. I’m grateful for every day I’m still here. Some nights I still think I’d be better off dead, but the morning comes and that changes. Do you lot have those feelings at night? Am I the only one? It keeps me up at night.

It’s time to focus in on the moment. On this sunny day. I hope wherever you’re at is gorgeous as well, my friends.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

A Mother’s Day Post

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

And of course, Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms reading this post. You are very much appreciated in this world, even if you have a son like me who sometimes doesn’t show it the best.

But today isn’t about me. Mother’s Day is about my Ma. And always a good reminder that I do need to be a better son each and every day.

My mother is something special. I bitch and moan on here but her story is much more difficult than mine.

She lost her son, had a massive brain aneurysm, and had to deal with a drug addict son (me) for a long while.

But she never faltered. My Ma is the strongest person I know. I talk about my Pops on here a lot, but my Ma is the most resilient individual to ever grace this planet. I really believe that. She is… such a pure individual who gives and shows love to each and every single person she comes across.

I love my Ma. She doesn’t see these posts, but I plan on putting these words into action. Showing gratitude. It’s important we do that as sons and daughters — it’s one of the only ways we can ever “payback” our parents and/or parental figures.

Happy Mother’s Day, Ma. I love you. Maybe you’ll read this one day.

Get out there and hug your Ma and/or mother figure in your life. Show that gratitude.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.