Moving Out

This Sunday I move out of the first home I’ve ever purchased. It’s surreal in many ways. First, I never thought I’d get to say that sentence or even get through the first few stages of buying a home. Second, I never thought I’d sell my home this quickly after purchasing it (two years). And third, I don’t have a next home picked out.

That last part is a bit scary. I’m about to be living at my parent’s again. That’s strange, especially for someone my age. But hey, I have a good career, a 401k, etc., etc.. I should be fine, right?

This is my second to last night here. I’m sure I’ll write more once I leave, but right now I’m going to pack up a few more things & sprawl out on the open floor with my dogs. Have a great night.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Morning Monster

If you’re like me, you wake up without a clue on how you’ll feel for the rest of the day. And guess what? It’s our choice on how we want to feel. Now, do we get to that point of feeling good? That’s always up in the air.

I go to bed scared. Honestly, I do. It’s why I’m usually up till two, sometimes four in the morning. It’s scary as fuck to wake up. To bring your mind through its own warzone each & every day.

Wake up, look in the mirror, say you’re shit, take a shower, feel a bit better, get some food in ya, play with the dogs, see if the sun is out. Sun is out? Ah, damn, looks like you need to fill your day with shit. Ah, we’re in the middle of a pandemic, can’t really see anyone. What now? Do you read tonight? Maybe study? Will you have focus for that? Do you have any focus right now? Eh, maybe it’s best if you do everything tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better, right? Has to be.

I swear this thought process happens every morning for me right now. I don’t see an end to it. Each day is relatively the same. Yet, I do have my good days. These are days I need to build from. Days I need to recount when I’m having those shitty moments in the morning. Remember on long drives that I don’t always think negatively about myself. Stop torturing myself for my past.

Life’s full of ups & downs & guess what, we have to fucking deal with them. I’m sorting out mine. I hope you are, too.

Real quick, I read a quote not too long ago, forgive me for not remembering where I found it, but I want to put it on here.

“It’s OK to look in the past, just don’t stare.”

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Uncertainties

All of us have them. I mean, just look at today. Did I wake up today thinking they’d finally announce who won the presidency? Nope. I thought it’d take longer. I was uncertain about it.

This flows into almost everything in my life right now, outside the love I have for my family, friends, & of course the doggos. I don’t know what I’d like to do for work, even though many think I’m very happy with my current career. I’m scared as shit to move out of my house, even though many think I’m only experiencing excitement with the move. The list goes on & on.

But that first thing I mentioned is important to remember. We all live with uncertainties. What I’m living through is no more special than what you are living through, or what your significant other might be going through. It’s up to me to figure out how I feel about certain things in my life, how I’ll respond, & how I’ll combat any negativity down the line.

I’m uncertain about quite a things in my life, but I’m not uncertain about my strength.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Let Yourself Live

Right now I sit with a very, very heavy mask on my face. I think it’s a smidge too big for my face, so excuse me if I have a mistype or two. Can’t really see right now.

I sit next to, well six feet from, many people I’ve never met before. Today I’m off to Massachusetts to enjoy Boston, a city I’ve never been to, and spend time with my best friend. Is it a bit scary right now when I’m in such a weird time in my life? Hell yes. Did I almost (I definitely did) cry as I left my dogs with my parents? Hell yes. But what’s important is I’m taking a slight risk to get out of my bubble. To get away from my routine. That’s important.

Why is it important? Well, if you keep doing the same shit, you’re gonna keep living in that same shit. It’s important to switch it up sometimes, even if you’re in the middle of a pandemic. Yeah, the place I’m going may not offer everything it normally would, but my little home offers less, I’ll tell ya that.

Please remember, no matter what, even when you’re thinking life is absolute shit: Make sure you live. Make sure you take chances. Make sure you do stuff that scares you. Facing a fear is one of the most empowering actions people like us can take.

I promise by the end of whatever you decide to take a risk on, you won’t have a single regret. Except maybe one or two drunken nights where you may or may not have told a random person to fuck off. I mean, there’s slight regret there, but we’re not perfect. I know that. You know that.

Live your life, no matter what fear tells you to do. Take that chance. It’s fucking worth it.

Ope! We’re boarding. Time to go.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Update: Of course I’m the one chosen to “voluntarily” check my bag.