A Quick Change

Hi, everybody.

Anxiety is a son of a bitch. If you read my last post, you know I’m on vacation and not having the bestest of times. Yes, I know bestest isn’t a word. Let’s stay on task.

I was having a shitty time. Still wish I was home enjoying my routine, but I’m OK now.

This brings us back to multiple posts when I mentioned inevitable change. Here it is. Right now. And it happened quickly.

You can always count on change even when you feel like you can’t count on yourself. But you can always count on yourself, too. Don’t forget that. I almost do every day. But guess what happens? Change.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

So, How Did The Tough Conversations Go?

Hi, everyone!

Hope you like the style change on the blog. I didn’t like the other one. Too sloppy. I like it clean, y’know?

OK, so yesterday I wrote about tough conversations and boy, did I get some unexpected… well, let’s just get into it.

First of all, I mentioned talking to one of my boxers about the possibility of her not being able to fight because she doesn’t have that “killer mentality” or that “fighter” in her. The jury is still out on that, but we did end up naturally breaking down a wall or two yesterday. After some very light sparring, my boxer broke down. She could see she couldn’t pull the trigger and ACTUALLY hit me in the face. Can I put her in sparring knowing that? No. It’s dangerous for her. But we did discuss her mentals, what’s holding her back, the what-if’s, and much more.

That tough conversation created growth. And guess what? It happened naturally. Stay tuned.

Now for the boss conversation, well that was supposed to happen next Monday. Turns out you can’t always have what you want. To refresh your mind (how dare you not read my last post), I took a job at a new company. Planned on putting my two weeks in at my current company next week. Everything happened in such a funny way, though. Let me explain.

We had a team meeting. My boss manages four states/territories. Turns out he put in his two weeks! CONGRATS to him! Moving on to bigger and better things. However, he did ask me to stay behind in the meeting to talk with me.

“—-, are you leaving such and such company?” My boss asked, already knowing the answer.

“—–! What makes you say that?” I said, with a laugh and a definitive shit-eating grin.

Turns out telling one of my best friends at the company was a bad idea. They couldn’t keep their mouth shut. However, it all worked out into perfect hilarity. My boss’ situation with leaving the company meant he didn’t really care I was leaving because it wasn’t impacting him. You know what he told me?

“How about we forget we talked about this and just have the same conversation on Monday?” James said, smiling.

Guess who isn’t going to go a full month without a paycheck now? This guy.

It pays to be a good person to others. It pays to be a hard worker. It pays to be open with others. It pays to be vulnerable. Everything we’re scared of, everything we fear, helps us grow if we can conquer that son of a bitch.

Make those tough conversations happen, people. Trust me on this one.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Being Vulnerable With A Purpose

Hi, everybody.

Over the past two days, I’ve opened up to quite a few new people in my life. Whether it was about where I’m at financially, in my love life, or how my mentals are doing, I’ve made sure to make myself vulnerable to people.

Why? Why the fuck would you do that, man? Sounds terrible.

It is terrible. At the start. Then the other person opens up. Then you listen. Then you have a friend. It’s a scary process, but a very simple process. We as humans tend to overcomplicate the simplest of things. Let’s stop doing that.

I wrote about “ordinary courage” last week. I’ve really been practicing it since then. It’s freeing. I’ve never been embarrassed (in my adult life) about my mental condition, my drug addiction, or any of the other “whoa” shit. However, I didn’t understand the importance of what I’ve went through and how it can positively impact others till I started this blog.

You, me, all of us battling through depression, anxiety, and all the other bullshit. Guess what? We’re fucking champions. And you’re a Champion of mental health. Get out there, speak with people, show that ordinary courage on a daily basis. I can almost guarantee you make a friend or two. And if not, I bet there’s something you do to help others, and really that’s all that matters here.

We’re all in this together, folks. Whether your struggles are mental or physical, we all struggle. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. Get out there and help the fellow strugglers (there’s plenty to choose from). You’ll be surprised on how much you really do have to offer.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Mystery Boxes

Hi, everyone.

If you’ve been reading my blog for some time, you’ll know 1 – I got out of a relationship a year ago, 2 – I sold my house that had everything of hers in it, 3 – I bought a new house.

Doesn’t sound crazy. Nothing unique. Ordinary shit, I know. But today I realized how difficult it really is to separate from someone fully, even if you haven’t talked to them in months. I mean, maybe it isn’t even possible. Yet to find out. Example? I went through my last boxes to unpack in the basement this morning. Two letters from her. Saw the handwriting, saw the name, ripped them up. Shoved them deep into a trash can and now I’m hoping I don’t think about those letters today.

Welp, I failed but I at least made it about 30 minutes till failure. Look what I’m writing about. The letters. Shit.

Maybe I shouldn’t worry too much about this. This is a natural progression into a new life, a new me, a new everything. It’s exciting going at it alone (well, not entirely alone, I do have a wonderful support system–get one, they’re helpful). But today I’m proud of one thing: I didn’t lose my damn mind over this. Instead, I disposed of the letters and moved on to the next box. A few months back? I would have stopped right there. Went to my bed. Laid down. Got a bit high. Try to fall asleep. Try to forget.

Now? Well, here I am, writing to you about it. I call that growth. If your read my post from… yesterday? Well, we could call this ordinary courage. Have you made small progressions you haven’t yet noticed? I bet you have. I didn’t notice this till it slapped me in my face. Go ahead, take a look in the mirror. I bet you’re better today than you were yesterday, and if not, you’re on your way. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be up reading this. You’d be in the fetal position in your bed, wondering what the fuck to do next. I’ve been there. A lot of individuals have been there. Keep motherfuckin’ pushing. It’s worth it. I promise. I wouldn’t be telling you this shit every single post if I didn’t believe it to be true myself. You. Can. Do. This. Shit.

And if you’re in the fetal position in your bed while reading this, please know that we’re here for you.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Something I Read – Worth A Reminder (Courage)

Hi, everyone.

I’m reading a book called The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown–a wonderful author. This is a book of reflection, challenging your ideals, “letting go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embracing who you are”.

On page 12 and 13, I found something I found particularly interesting and well worth a reminder. Let’s hear Brené discuss courage:

“The root of the word courage is cor–the Latin word for heart. In One of its earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant ‘To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’ Over time, this definition has changed, and, today, courage is more synonymous with being heroic. Heroics is important and we certainly need heroes, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage. Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary.”

Go be extraordinary today.

I will you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.