Good Ol’ Karen

Hi, everybody.

Today I ran into a Karen. It’s been a while since I’ve had that experience and it definitely didn’t disappoint.

I talk about my dogs often here, and yes they are a little out of control but they never have ill intent. Also, they’re cute as shit. Friendly. Sometimes understand boundaries. Whatever, they’re good dogs.

So today I took my girlfriend to a lake. A public lake. No one owns any part of the beach (I say that lightly because… well, it’s a beach in the midwest). Within one minute, ONE MINUTE, of being there with my dogs off the leash, a Karen tells me “We really don’t want your dogs around us.” + much more.

First things first: they weren’t around her. Secondly, why? There were four other dogs there AT LEAST, roaming around or relaxing. My dogs just got there. Of course they’re going to jump in the water and scope out the area. They weren’t causing issues.

Anyway, instead of staying there in spite of this lady, I decided to leave. Relieve some stress by evacuating the situation before it exploded. I drove 45 minutes there. I wasn’t happy to be pushed out by some lady who thought she owned a public beach spot.

Oh, and for anyone thinking dogs are not allowed here OR they must be on a leash – no. And if so, no one follows that damn rule. They let the dogs roam and play with each other. Karen, on the other hand, well, let’s just leave it there. There’s no point in yelling about it anymore.

What did I do when I left? I took the girlfriend and the dogs to another lake. Played fetch. Stayed aware of my festering anger and fought it off. I don’t think I would have done that just a few months ago.

Still, screw Karen. I stand 100% behind that. Did she just not like dogs? Who doesn’t like dogs?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

PS – After the lady and I had our brief altercation, my oldest dog took a massive shit in front of their towels and such. Karma’s a bitch, literally.

Waking Up Feeling* Empty

I don’t know how to guide anyone on this topic. Really, I don’t. I’m scrambling myself right now trying to cope with the title of this blog. Each morning it feels like something new, but it’s almost impossible to pick out why I feel the way I feel from one day to the next. I’ll admit it, last night I felt empty as well. This morning? It’s amplified.

My initial thoughts this morning were along the lines of:
– What the fuck do I do for the next 16 hours?
– Meh, vacation is over. Back to my normal routine.
– I’ll be alone all day.
– At least I have my dogs.
– Will my dogs be enough?
– Holy shit what do I do for the next 16 hours?
– Will I be able to eat today?
– Can I go back to bed?
– This blog

As you can see, every one of those internal questions if begging an answer out of me. Asking me, “are you empty inside?” I can’t answer this question completely and truthfully. My best guess at this moment is sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not. There’s really no rhyme or reason behind it any longer. And it is getting very, very tough.

When I was on vacation, I mostly thought of my limitations. I’ve always wanted to live in Boston, but a shitty house with an even more shitty backyard costs $1MM or above. How does anyone afford that, especially coming from the midwest? Yes, start small, I get it. But I have two giant dogs that keep me sane. I’m not leaving them behind.

I guess the only thing that’s helped me this morning is my routine. Jumping on the computer, typing out random shit, and answering a few work calls. It’s a weird mix to go from writing about emptiness, depression, anxiety to all of a sudden answering a call to discuss a sales deal I have in the works. It really is. Two completely different worlds. One real, one fake.

I’ve thought about asking for a leave of absence from my job as I work through these difficulties, but during COVID-19 that’s just an impossible ask. I’ve thought about doing an MBA, but I have no fucking money. I don’t want more debt. Yes, it’s an investment in yourself. I understand. But did you actually read what I wrote above? I’m at the point where I don’t feel like investing is my best bet. It’s all about survival right now.

I know this post probably doesn’t help you. Hell, it probably isn’t helping me. But I needed to put it out there. I needed a couple sets of eyes to see this, hear this, and hopefully use this as some sort of way to tell themselves “I’m not empty inside.” Because, well, most likely you aren’t. You probably just feel that way, similar to me. How do we snap out of it? I’m open to any suggestions. Really. Any suggestion.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

* emphasis on the feeling, not necessarily the possibile reality