Tag: change

So, How Did The Tough Conversations Go?

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone!

Hope you like the style change on the blog. I didn’t like the other one. Too sloppy. I like it clean, y’know?

OK, so yesterday I wrote about tough conversations and boy, did I get some unexpected… well, let’s just get into it.

First of all, I mentioned talking to one of my boxers about the possibility of her not being able to fight because she doesn’t have that “killer mentality” or that “fighter” in her. The jury is still out on that, but we did end up naturally breaking down a wall or two yesterday. After some very light sparring, my boxer broke down. She could see she couldn’t pull the trigger and ACTUALLY hit me in the face. Can I put her in sparring knowing that? No. It’s dangerous for her. But we did discuss her mentals, what’s holding her back, the what-if’s, and much more.

That tough conversation created growth. And guess what? It happened naturally. Stay tuned.

Now for the boss conversation, well that was supposed to happen next Monday. Turns out you can’t always have what you want. To refresh your mind (how dare you not read my last post), I took a job at a new company. Planned on putting my two weeks in at my current company next week. Everything happened in such a funny way, though. Let me explain.

We had a team meeting. My boss manages four states/territories. Turns out he put in his two weeks! CONGRATS to him! Moving on to bigger and better things. However, he did ask me to stay behind in the meeting to talk with me.

“—-, are you leaving such and such company?” My boss asked, already knowing the answer.

“—–! What makes you say that?” I said, with a laugh and a definitive shit-eating grin.

Turns out telling one of my best friends at the company was a bad idea. They couldn’t keep their mouth shut. However, it all worked out into perfect hilarity. My boss’ situation with leaving the company meant he didn’t really care I was leaving because it wasn’t impacting him. You know what he told me?

“How about we forget we talked about this and just have the same conversation on Monday?” James said, smiling.

Guess who isn’t going to go a full month without a paycheck now? This guy.

It pays to be a good person to others. It pays to be a hard worker. It pays to be open with others. It pays to be vulnerable. Everything we’re scared of, everything we fear, helps us grow if we can conquer that son of a bitch.

Make those tough conversations happen, people. Trust me on this one.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Tough Conversations

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 1 Comment

Hi, everybody!

I’m a bit frantic today. I have a couple tough conversations coming up and although I feel comfortable going into them, the anxiousness is still alive and well in me.

What conversations, you ask?

  • One of my boxers doesn’t have the mentals to compete. She honestly doesn’t like punching people in the face, but she won’t admit to it. I’ll try one more sparring session with her and if nothing changes, it’s in her best interest to get competition out of her mind. Why? Well, her hypothetical opponent wouldn’t be afraid to punch her. That’s a problem for her. The problem for me? Keeping her motivated to keep coming in and getting the work in because the work she puts in is almost essential for her mentals to balance out.
  • I have to put in my two weeks at a company I’ve been at for three years. Three years. That’s pretty much two more years than I’ve put in anywhere else in my … 15 or so odd years of employment. It’ll be weird, new, but I’m very excited for it. I get to start my new job on April 19th and I can’t even begin to tell you how pumped I am for a new challenge.

But tough conversations are always good conversations. You learn from them. You change from them. You grow from them. Remember, fear is something we construct in our own minds. It’s not fucking real. Push it away. Go for those tough conversation so you continue to learn, change, and grow. It’s worth it, I promise.

Don’t be one of those people who continuously mentions the weather. No one likes conversing with that person.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Weekends Work Now

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, errybody!

It’s kinda nuts. When I started this blog just last August, I absolutely despised weekends. They were filled with nothing but misery, loneliness, terrible habits both mentally and physically, and they were just the absolute worst.

Now?

I’ve told you lot a million times things change. They change even when we think there is no possible fucking way they will change. Still, things change. No matter what it is. Things. Change.

Weekends changed for me. I now relish the weekend because I’ve filled it with my passion: boxing. I’ve filled it with dinners out with friends, late night chats with new people, and of course, I’ve kept the cuddling with my two doggos.

But the important thing here is to remember things change. And sometimes not always for the best, but there’s a good chance it changes again and turns around for you. You’ve got this. Don’t even think about giving up. Understand that inevitable change.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Being Vulnerable With A Purpose

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Over the past two days, I’ve opened up to quite a few new people in my life. Whether it was about where I’m at financially, in my love life, or how my mentals are doing, I’ve made sure to make myself vulnerable to people.

Why? Why the fuck would you do that, man? Sounds terrible.

It is terrible. At the start. Then the other person opens up. Then you listen. Then you have a friend. It’s a scary process, but a very simple process. We as humans tend to overcomplicate the simplest of things. Let’s stop doing that.

I wrote about “ordinary courage” last week. I’ve really been practicing it since then. It’s freeing. I’ve never been embarrassed (in my adult life) about my mental condition, my drug addiction, or any of the other “whoa” shit. However, I didn’t understand the importance of what I’ve went through and how it can positively impact others till I started this blog.

You, me, all of us battling through depression, anxiety, and all the other bullshit. Guess what? We’re fucking champions. And you’re a Champion of mental health. Get out there, speak with people, show that ordinary courage on a daily basis. I can almost guarantee you make a friend or two. And if not, I bet there’s something you do to help others, and really that’s all that matters here.

We’re all in this together, folks. Whether your struggles are mental or physical, we all struggle. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. Get out there and help the fellow strugglers (there’s plenty to choose from). You’ll be surprised on how much you really do have to offer.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Hash Browns For Breakfast

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, errybody.

I don’t know about you, but there’s a certain tell for me if I’m having an absolutely amazing morning: hash browns for breakfast. If you expected something different, you obviously didn’t read the title.

I’ve talked plenty about the importance of embracing the small happinesses in your life. Well, this is one of them for me. And this is me showing you not to just talk about this shit, but be it. Be aware of the little things. They can make all the difference in the world.

A breakfast food. Yes, you could look at me and say “Who gives a shit?” and I’d say back “Good point.”

What are your hashbrowns today? Is there anything just a bit more special today for ya? I’m having a hell of a good time this week. Very tired, but heart so full.

I bet you’re wondering how the hash browns turned out. Well, I did send a photo of them to someone. Want to know the response?

“PERFECTLY GOLDEN?!?!”

Yeah, no big deal.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

The Waiting Game

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

This past week was a whirlwind. A good one. I received one formal offer for a position I’m somewhat looking at, and I should receive an offer from a company today that I really, really want to work for. However, I’m having trouble playing the waiting game. Getting that offer is all that’s on my mind right now, so please, Gmail, show me “1 Unread Message” when I sign in next. I’m begging you.

But I do know patience is important. I understand I can’t ask for something right away because it convenciences me and solely me. That’s selfish. That’s what a company doesn’t want. That’s what a friend doesn’t want. That’s what all of us don’t want.

Let’s transition a bit. I don’t know if I’ve told you what I’ve been working on as an individual over the past month or so. Maybe I have. Most likely I have. But it doesn’t hurt to have a reminder.

Active listening.

I’m very good at active talking. I’m trying to become a better active listener. It’s a work in progress. But right now is a good reminder of it not because I need to listen to one of you, but I need to listen to the common sense inside me. The part of me that keeps me grounded. I need to listen to that side telling me “Hey, the offer will come. Just be patient, stupid.”

And I will listen.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Training To Train

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone.

Still weirded out by the change WordPress made. Hopefully I can stop talking about it at some point.

Training to train. Bold title, right? I’m really running out of ideas. I’m just throwing shit at the wall and hoping it sticks at this point. Appreciate you lot for continuing to show support to this blog. Means quite a bit.

Training to train. Let’s get into it. What do I mean?

Well, as you may know since I’ve mentioned in 1,000x on this blog, I coach boxing. I used to compete in the sport, still think about competing, but I’m most likely staying where I’m at: A coach and forever a student of the sport.

I brought a new boxer to a new gym today. A more… dirty, rough type of gym–one in the hood. My coach always told me if the gym we went to spar at had air conditioning or too many fans, we were going to whoop that ass. He was usually right. It was about time to bring this new boxer to a different, less… well-equipped space. However, with that comes much tougher opponents, tougher coaches around, and the sum of it all is the boxer comes out better. The less provided, it sounds odd, the more the boxer gets out of it. Pushing themselves is what a coach needs to see. We can push you while you’re with us, but the goal is to get you to push yourself when we aren’t watching. Training with integrity.

The boxer was thrown off at first. Very different space. But she had some of her best mitt rounds with me in quite some time. That lack of comfort pushed her to another level this morning. She leveled up today. It was really great to see, along with a few other boxers.

But I messaged her after I dropped her off back at her home, “I need to train to train you.”

She replied, “What does that mean? Explain.”

I replied, “In order for you to continue to progress, I need to make sure I’m progressing as your coach.”

Took me a while to realize that. Quite some time. Maybe I’ve always been working to become a better coach, but now it’s a focus of mine. I do want to compete still, but that’ll take the back burner for now. I still have a few years left in my “prime”.

Now it’s about training to train. Progressing to reach new levels. Coaching with integrity.

I guess this is the first time I haven’t really spoken much on mental health on this blog. It’s odd for me, but hey, this blog can really be anything. That’s the cool part of all this. It’s my brain just spewing out shit. It’s healthy for me. I hope it’s healthy for you.

Continue working on yourself, no matter the difficulty.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

A 6 AM Start

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Yeah, you read that right.

Hi, everybody!

One thing I haven’t done in AGES is wake up at an “early” time. I’m a 7:30 AM – 8 AM type of guy. Today however, well today I woke up at noon 6 AM. I was going to go back to sleep, but you know what I did? I stood up. Crazy, right? Then I let my dogs out. Then I fed the dogs.

Now this is where it gets crazy.

I didn’t go back to bed. I made a full breakfast for myself. Over-easy eggs, turkey sausage, yogurt – the whole shebang. Unreal.

My colleagues were alarmed to see me on the company Slack at 7 AM and making calls by then. Like seriously, super alarmed. I was asked if I was doing OK because of how early I started today.

I know I’ll crash today, but I am proud of myself for one thing today: Deciding to stand up.

I’m going to pat myself on the back. You should do the same.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

New Roomie, Past Mistakes

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hey, everybody.

Today I bring in a new roommate. I’ll level with you lot: I am not the best roommate. Very picky in terms of cleanliness and noise. However, I am AWARE of that now, and it’s something I’ll be working on. (It only took multiple people leaving me for these reasons for me to figure this out, but REMEMBER, we focus on the positive here. The positive: I figured it out, now I need to execute on it.)

I am a bit worried but also excited. It’s one of my best friends and I think it will be a good living situation. If not, well, I own the house so I can always handle things if I need to handle things, right? Not much risk here. Also, I plan on writing about some of my past mistakes with roommates because, well, they’re kinda funny. Someone hold me to that, alright?

Anyway, now I need to head to his current house and go pick up a U-haul with the guy. Wish me luck (or awareness)!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Where Have I Been?

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

You may or may not have noticed a significant drop in activity on this blog. My bad. Want the honest truth? I forgot I had this damn thing, but yesterday night it popped right back into my head.

“Siri, remind me to write a blog tomorrow at 9 AM.”
“Ok. I’ll remind you.”

And now here we are.

I’ve recovered from Covid-19–that thing is no joke. I’ve had three days back in the gym and boy, it’s tough. The lungs are shot, the fatigue is still there, but hey, at least I’m putting in the work. Remember, we’re about the fucking positives here (most of the time)! Outside of Covid-19, it’s really been the depression that’s holding me back. If you’re “aware”, that means I’m holding myself back. I know this. Doesn’t mean I can drastically change it in a heartbeat. All of this comes with time. Healing doesn’t happen overnight: not with Covid-19, not with depression. Take it moment after moment or you’ll suffocate yourself.

Let’s hope I can remember I have this website a bit more often. I don’t particularly like setting reminders because the post doesn’t feel “organic” then, but writing something is better than writing nothing.

How are you doing? Are you holding up just fine? Anything that’s halted your progress in the past couple of weeks? If so, I promise you can find a way to jumpstart that shit again. Trust yourself. You’re worth more than ya think–especially that brain of yours.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.