Tag: change

Almost Forgot About You

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Yes, I’m talking about you. It’s almost 2 PM and I let blogging slip my mind till now! OH MY.

There’s good reason. Today has easily been my most successful day at my new job. Two meetings, an opportunity created of over $50k, and plenty of solid conversations. Oh, and I got a new boss! Real cool guy.

To be honest, lot, I really don’t have much to say today. I just wanted to check in, let you know I’m still here, still breathing, and trying to thrive. I actually need to step away from screens really, really bad. Make sure you’re checking in with yourself often. I needed to and it ended up boosting me to my first real successful day at this job.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

A (False?) Sense of Peace

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Welp, the girlfriend went to another country for a month so it’s just you and me for a bit! I’m excited, are you?

I woke up this morning feeling serene. I did my normal routine but the girlfriend did stop by for a quick dog walk prior to her departure. I will say I’m not doing the best at work, but I hope with less distractions (new relationships tend to create a natural distraction) I can pick up the pace a bit. Also, I was just told I have a new boss starting… today? Tomorrow? One of the two. Hopefully he’s a good guy. OH! I’ve always had some serious thoughts about getting out of sales. Maybe moving into marketing. Who knows.

But back to the peace thing. This is how I know the blog’s title makes sense. One morning I wake up feeling like dog shit, the next morning I feel like I can preach to the world about awareness and loving yourself. I’m striving to be somewhere in between, because let’s be honest… no one really wants someone to constantly say “love yourself” or “I’m dog shit”. There’s got to be a balance.

And today I woke up with that balance. I knew I had a long work day ahead of me paired with my second job. I know I have an extremely early and important meeting tomorrow morning that I need to prep for. But I’m doing OK. I’m not stressing. As Richard Miller says in one of his meditations, “I am aware and I am at ease”. I feel that today. I really do.

Peaceful. Quiet. Calm. That’s my day today. And I’m excited for it. What’s your day look like?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

A Month Change

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everybody.

I’m slightly worried. Tomorrow my girlfriend leaves for Egypt for a month. No, I’m not worried about what she’ll be doing in Egypt, but a lot of my time is spent with her. Whether it’s hanging out, grabbing dinner, or boxing, we spend A LOT of time together. So that will all change–and for a month at that–scary.

I plan to spend plenty of time on myself. Also, my wallet will thank her for leaving for a month (we eat out a decent amount, it’s one of my favorite things to do and hers as well). But again, I am worried. I’m a man that enjoys structure, routine, sometimes the same ol’ same ol’.

But I have my support system with me as always. Also, she’s just a WhatsApp message away. Who will be my new training partner for the next month? No clue. I need to figure that out quick.

I think I’ll spend a good amount of the next month writing to you lot, too. I hope you don’t mind. I consider those who read my blog some of the people that know me the best. You know the real me. The vulnerable me. And someone needs to know that side of me.

Let’s push through this together. With the help from you lot, I can do so much more than without you lot. When I write, I feel better. When I write to you, I feel a whole lot better.

I’m going to spend the rest of the day enjoying time with my girlfriend before she leaves. I hope she has a tremendous time, but I will miss her.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pop’s Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Happy Pop’s Day to all you wonderful fathers out there. You are appreciated, very appreciated.

Right now I’m in my parent’s living room. Typing here on my phone. I don’t have much to say—I’m just grateful. I’m grateful to have such a wonderful family and a Pops that’s always supported me.

My Pops never told me who to be. He let me be me, even if I was shitting the bed there for a bit. My Pops never tried to influence how I thought. He knew I understood right v. wrong, it just took me a bit to put that knowledge into action.

I feel like my Pops has always had trust in me. And that means the world to me. He’s the best damn man on this planet, he really is. I’m grateful to have him. I am grateful to spend part of this day with him.

I hope you get a chance to hug or high-five your Pops today. If you don’t have a father, please forgive me. To all those celebrating, enjoy your day. Show gratitude.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Good Ol’ Karen

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Today I ran into a Karen. It’s been a while since I’ve had that experience and it definitely didn’t disappoint.

I talk about my dogs often here, and yes they are a little out of control but they never have ill intent. Also, they’re cute as shit. Friendly. Sometimes understand boundaries. Whatever, they’re good dogs.

So today I took my girlfriend to a lake. A public lake. No one owns any part of the beach (I say that lightly because… well, it’s a beach in the midwest). Within one minute, ONE MINUTE, of being there with my dogs off the leash, a Karen tells me “We really don’t want your dogs around us.” + much more.

First things first: they weren’t around her. Secondly, why? There were four other dogs there AT LEAST, roaming around or relaxing. My dogs just got there. Of course they’re going to jump in the water and scope out the area. They weren’t causing issues.

Anyway, instead of staying there in spite of this lady, I decided to leave. Relieve some stress by evacuating the situation before it exploded. I drove 45 minutes there. I wasn’t happy to be pushed out by some lady who thought she owned a public beach spot.

Oh, and for anyone thinking dogs are not allowed here OR they must be on a leash – no. And if so, no one follows that damn rule. They let the dogs roam and play with each other. Karen, on the other hand, well, let’s just leave it there. There’s no point in yelling about it anymore.

What did I do when I left? I took the girlfriend and the dogs to another lake. Played fetch. Stayed aware of my festering anger and fought it off. I don’t think I would have done that just a few months ago.

Still, screw Karen. I stand 100% behind that. Did she just not like dogs? Who doesn’t like dogs?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

PS – After the lady and I had our brief altercation, my oldest dog took a massive shit in front of their towels and such. Karma’s a bitch, literally.

Feelin’ “Blah” Again

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Welp, this is why the site is called “The Two Sides of Me” because guess what?! I’m back in the dumps. Why? No fucking clue. Can I get out of it? What do you think I’m trying to do here?!

I know I’m in control of myself now. I can push myself through these “blah” days and fuck, that feels amazing. Each word I’m typing here is freeing me of that negative mindset, that mindset that I’m not good enough for today. Writing is so damn powerful.

But I’d love to find out why I feel this way so very often. What am I doing the night before to make me wake up in such a slump? Or is it something I’ll just have to deal with the rest of my life? I think it’s that. I think I’ll be dealing with this poo for the rest of my life… but to be honest, I’m OK with that. I know I’m strong enough to push through and if I’m not, I have a support system to back me up. I’m blessed. I’m grateful.

What about you, though? Are you taking a moment each day to check in on yourself to see how you’re really doing? Not your Instagram, not your Twitter, but your real life. How are you actually doing? If your blood pressure spikes reading that question, take a deep breath. You’re not fucked. You’re just aware now. That’s powerful.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Sunny Days, Sunny Days

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I GOT PAID TODAY. IT FELT GREAT TO PAY OFF SOME BILLS.

OK, moving on. Everyone, today is GORGEOUS where I’m at. As always, I started with a nice cup of cold brew and a dog walk. Amazing walk. Dogs barely pulled me (I’m kidding, they destroy me… always).

After that, I jumped into meetings. Tonight is my Pop’s birthday dinner. I mean, can this day get much better?

IT CAN! I don’t have to work at the boxing club tonight and my body truly needs the rest. Instead I get to eat steak and shrimp. I can’t believe I come on this blog to complain. I mean read what I just said: I get to eat steak and shrimp.

Gratitude. I need to work on that.

I am grateful for today. I’m grateful for every day I’m still here. Some nights I still think I’d be better off dead, but the morning comes and that changes. Do you lot have those feelings at night? Am I the only one? It keeps me up at night.

It’s time to focus in on the moment. On this sunny day. I hope wherever you’re at is gorgeous as well, my friends.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Quote Day? Quote Day.

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

I’m swamped (in a good way) today so my apologies but I must only leave you with a few really, really good quotes. More effort will be applied later this week! Let’s begin.

As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.

David Sedaris, Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls

Maintain that motivation to go from A to B and to keep your focus on that target without any weakening. That is called tenacity; stamina in your motivation.

Arsene Wenger

You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.

Brené Brown

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pressure

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone.

I’m beginning to feel immense pressure to succeed in everything. I’m not mad about it – I think pressure is needed at times to enhance growth. However, falling asleep at 8 PM on a Saturday and waking up at 3 AM because of pressure isn’t a good thing.

So what’s keeping me in this pressurized space? I have a girlfriend now and I forgot how much time I need to set aside to spend time with her. I honestly forgot. I enjoy her company but I enjoy my time – mainly because I need to get shit done, like blog. Oh, and blogging is a bit of pressure. I know none of you expect me to keep the streak alive, but I expect to keep the streak alive. Why? No clue.

What else? Oh, I’m not doing the best at work. I’m not doing terrible, but I’d like to be doing a helluva lot better.

I’m supposed to be boxing competitvely shortly but it seems like I’m just training to train. I don’t know if my coach will ever match me up again and it’s bothering me. Why? Because I feel the pressure to continue to get better each and every day. I haven’t taken a rest day in two weeks. I am bothered by the fact that my stamina isn’t where it needs to be, but it doesn’t make sense to be bothered. Why? Well, I don’t have a fight lined up.

Money. Well, if you’ve read my last few posts, you know I’m fucked with money. I’d rather not talk about the pressure there.

There’s plenty more but I didn’t come on here to bitch to you lot. I came here seeking advice. What do I prioritize? How do I say no to things? How can I take some time for myself without sounding like a dick to my girlfriend and close friends? What the hell do I do to alleviate this pressure?

Back to it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

C’MON, MAN

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Yeah, aggressive title.

My dog chewed through another couch. Not the brand new one, but what was left of the other couch he chewed up (it was a sectional). Not fun to come home to. Not fun.

I don’t know what to do next with this little guy. He’s good six out of sevens days of the week. But when he messes up, he messes up. And believe me, I try a lot to get it to stop.

I do a pseudo command thingy my buddy taught me. That works majority of the time. Not all the time. It needs to work all the time. I spray a taste and smell deterrent on the items he’ll most likely chew up (COUCHES) before I leave. I make sure he gets plenty of exercise, usually fetch and two walks a day. That’s enough. Also, there’s another dog here he loves to play with. He has enough resources in front of him to be an absolute perfect doggo.

I chalk it up to the pandemic. He’s so attached that he sometimes suffers from separation anxiety. Will he ever not chew up a valuable couch? Who the hell knows. He’s lucky he’s cute.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.