Tag: blogs

Decision Made

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

It’s a R&R type of afternoon and I’ve had some time to think about this blog. I’ve decided the quality of my posts has drastically taken a hit with this damn streak on my mind, so I’ve set an end date for the streak.

With this post, it will be 147(?) posts in 147 days. That’s a lot. I think a lot but not enough to write THAT much. So I’ll be calling my daily streak quits at 150.

Now that sounds like a commitment, I get it, but it’s not. If I feel like I need to keep writing to solve a thought in my head or if my anxiety kicks in and doesn’t want to let the streak go away, I will continue to write.

But right here, right now, I think a good stopping point is 150 posts in 150 days. The goal was originally 30 posts in 30 days. We’re about to 5x that! Insane, right?

But the content has struggled as of yet. I apologize for that. I don’t know if it’s really because I’m writing too much. I think it’s just been my mood. I’m back to that whole “not excited” me. I hate this version. Luckily it hasn’t been hitting me like a ton of bricks as it usually does, but that time could come if I don’t figure something out.

So yeah, I might keep writing. But right now, let’s agree to stop at 150.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Quick Update: Fight Result

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everybody.

The training and mental work paid off. I won via unanimous decision—never a contest.

Hard work validated. Thanks for tagging along. Time to “rest” (kidding, I’m writing this from the boxing gym right now).

Believe in what you’re doing.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Morning Thoughts

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Each and every day we have here is different. There’s times when everything feels like a replay, but really, every single day is different.

We tell ourselves “no” often. Why? We hate hearing no from others.

I would like to move out of my hometown.

When’s the moment I stop thinking about certain people? How can I get closer to that moment in time?

I constantly need to remind myself about gratitude. Typing out that last sentence reminded me this time.

So what the hell was this? Airport thoughts, really. Maybe I need to start bringing my phone in the shower and typing out shower thoughts. That would be… interesting.

Welp, I’m off to Texas. Flight boards in just a few minutes. I’m gonna miss my pups! And the boxing gym. But I’ll be back Thursday. That’s a short, short trip. I should be fine, right? I will be.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Coming to an End

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Don’t worry, this blog isn’t finished! However, I think I need to stop thinking about this streak a bit less (this will be 78 days in a row). It actually drives my anxiety up and with the way I’ve been feeling lately, that’s definitely not needed. Why has this been driving my anxiety up? It’s not the writing itself, but it’s the self-given obligation + not much material to write about. Like today, I don’t have anything for ya really. I played tennis with my Pops earlier, worked out, did a bunch of chores, and I coach later this evening. That’s it. My days are all the same. At least it feels that way. Always in a rush, always looking at the clock.

Want to know what my focus is? I want to make some money. I want to be comfortable enough where I can travel more and just do more. Right now my life is boring. I’m getting to the point where I’m not excited for anything again and it’s fucking scary. My passions are depleting and the repetitive motions are getting to me. What can I change? Myself, a bit. I can be a bit more aware of this feeling and try to combat it with practical ideas, such as doing more work on the weekends so I better set myself up for the week. I don’t know. I’m drowning. I’m 30 and lost. I’m fucking lost.

I’ll still write to you lot, I promise. Maybe not tomorrow but maybe tomorrow, who the hell knows.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Jam-Packed Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Spoiler: Nothing really to write, just wanted to check in and say hi. Hope you’re having a wonderful weekend so far. Also, I’m pretty sure I grossly messed up the title. I don’t know if a hyphen should be there. I really don’t. I’m just winging it, alright?

What are we thinking about today? Lots of things.

  • The girlfriend is in Egypt and she’s homesick and it’s impacting how she’s interacting with me.
  • I have lunch with a couple of friends and then a shit show of a party to go to.
  • I’m really excited for Monday. Why? I get to work on chores and get myself ready for a big week.
  • I’m getting slightly nervous for my trip to Dallas to meet all of my new coworkers.
  • I’m happy I’m writing right now.

I talk about gratitude a lot and I hope it resonates with you as it does with me. Each time I sit down here to write, I’m reminded to be grateful for everything I have in my life, both inside and outside of myself.

We have this one shot, everybody. Let’s use it. And if you don’t want to use it today, that’s just fine. You’ll have more opportunities. I promise.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pop’s Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Happy Pop’s Day to all you wonderful fathers out there. You are appreciated, very appreciated.

Right now I’m in my parent’s living room. Typing here on my phone. I don’t have much to say—I’m just grateful. I’m grateful to have such a wonderful family and a Pops that’s always supported me.

My Pops never told me who to be. He let me be me, even if I was shitting the bed there for a bit. My Pops never tried to influence how I thought. He knew I understood right v. wrong, it just took me a bit to put that knowledge into action.

I feel like my Pops has always had trust in me. And that means the world to me. He’s the best damn man on this planet, he really is. I’m grateful to have him. I am grateful to spend part of this day with him.

I hope you get a chance to hug or high-five your Pops today. If you don’t have a father, please forgive me. To all those celebrating, enjoy your day. Show gratitude.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Feelin’ “Blah” Again

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Welp, this is why the site is called “The Two Sides of Me” because guess what?! I’m back in the dumps. Why? No fucking clue. Can I get out of it? What do you think I’m trying to do here?!

I know I’m in control of myself now. I can push myself through these “blah” days and fuck, that feels amazing. Each word I’m typing here is freeing me of that negative mindset, that mindset that I’m not good enough for today. Writing is so damn powerful.

But I’d love to find out why I feel this way so very often. What am I doing the night before to make me wake up in such a slump? Or is it something I’ll just have to deal with the rest of my life? I think it’s that. I think I’ll be dealing with this poo for the rest of my life… but to be honest, I’m OK with that. I know I’m strong enough to push through and if I’m not, I have a support system to back me up. I’m blessed. I’m grateful.

What about you, though? Are you taking a moment each day to check in on yourself to see how you’re really doing? Not your Instagram, not your Twitter, but your real life. How are you actually doing? If your blood pressure spikes reading that question, take a deep breath. You’re not fucked. You’re just aware now. That’s powerful.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pop’s Birthday

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Today is a special day. The man himself, Pops, turned ## today!

We golfed this morning. Relaxing. Had a couple of arguments but we’re past those already.

If you have family, keep them close, even if you tend to get on each other’s nerves every so often. Family is important. You’re important.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Oh also, Pops, if you’re reading this—I love you and appreciate you. Thank you for being there for me every second of my life. – Bud

Money Still on My Mind

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I can’t stop thinking about it. It doesn’t help that I see people with much more money than I have at a much younger age. I feel like I’ve failed to this point. My 401k is nothing special, my investments are shit, and my savings is more than lacking.

I’m drowning. I just want to not worry about money for a month or two. That’s it. But bills keep piling on. Medical expenses mainly. I need to get my wrist checked out because I can’t pick up anything with it but I can’t take on that medical bill. It’s just too much for me.

I ordered contacts today. That’ll be $200. When will I pick them up? Probably Friday after I’m paid. Because right now I’m back to living paycheck to paycheck. Actually I wouldn’t even call it living. I’m under stress every day from it even with paying my bills on time. I keep seeing the red get more red. I need it to stop. I need it to stop. But it won’t. I’ll stay in this cycle forever by the looks of it. It’s been over a decade like this. I have no clue how to fix it. No clue whatsoever. My only option right now feels like investments. Long-term of course, but fuck I need to handle my debt. I need to. It eats at me.

UGH.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Marcus Aurelius Quotes

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

If you remove your judgement of anything that seems painful, you yourself stand quite immune to pain. ‘What self?’ Reason. ‘But I am not just reason.’ Granted. So let your reason cause itself no pain, and if some other part of you is in trouble, it can form its own judgment for itself.

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

My soul, will you ever be good, simple, individual, bare, brighter than the body that covers you? Will you ever be complete and free of need, missing nothing, desiring nothing live or lifeless for the enjoyment of pleasure?

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

We were born for cooperation, like feet, like hands, like eyelids, like the rows of upper and lower teeth. So to work in opposition to one another is against nature: and anger or rejection is opposition.

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

Life for each of us is a mere moment, and this life of yours is nearly over, while you still show yourself no honor, but you let your own welfare depend on other people’s souls.

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Me