Birthday Blog

Hi, everybody.

It’s my birthday. It’s in my notes to write a blog, so I’m doing it. But it’s not what I want to do on my birthday, and really nothing I’ve done so far has been up to par with what I wanted my birthday to have.

But that’s what birthdays are: letdowns. Days that are built up to be something special, but really it’s just another day.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Negotiation Talks & Ma’s Birthday

Hi, everybody.

It’s been a few days since I’ve written to you. My apologies. Honestly I have thought about it–I just didn’t have anything to write about. I’ve missed you. Welcome back.

OK! So some big news coming from my camp. I’m accepting a new job this week at a massive company and I’m super thrilled about it. The company I’m at right now is a dead end and lied to me during the interview process, so… yeah, I’m happy. ECSTATIC.

But that’s not the best part of the day. It’s my Ma’s birthday! We did a brunch yesterday since today is a Monday, but after coaching I’ll make sure to drop by her house and say hello. Give her a big hug and tell her I love her. She’s a great mom. The best.

And last thing to update you on: I fight this weekend! In Iowa! I don’t know why I’m yelling! But yes, I’m boxing again this weekend. I have a few pounds to cut so I’m limiting what I eat and wearing trash bags all week (sauna suits) to make sure I come in at weight. Wish me luck.

But yeah, things are exciting right now. In about 40 minutes I have to sit down with my soon-to-be new boss and negotiate my starting wage. I’ve never successfully done that before but this time I hope will be different. I’m more confident in what I bring to the table. I’m more confident in myself and in my life. I hope you are, too. You deserve to be confident.

My anxiety? Depression? All still there. Oh don’t you worry, that shit never goes away. But I let it pass through me much easier now. I constantly remind myself to let things pass through me and not to fight with the negative emotions I have throughout the day. It helps. Just let it go through you–don’t wear yourself down by fighting your own emotions.

Phew, I blacked out writing that. I don’t think I’ll go back and edit. You get what you get, right?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MA!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

35

Hi, everybody.

Today’s an odd day. A good day but a sad day. 9/9/86 – My brother’s birthday. He passed at the age of 9, so quite some time ago. Today he would have turned 35. I spoke to him at his grave, “I wish I could have you as a friend.”

It hit home. I do miss my brother, or at least the “idea” of him. I was only 4, turning 5 in a few days when he passed away. I didn’t know him that well, no one did, he was only 9 when he passed. But from what my parents tell me, he was one bright light in this world.

A few times a year I do think about him – not as often as one might think. He passed in 1996, so I’ve had my time for closure and repair. However, I do think about what it would be like to have that constant contact. Have a brother there for me and me there for him. I think it’s a large reason as to why I try to mentor others and coach others – I want to be there for someone. I wish my brother could be here for me and vice versa, but that’s now how life works. Life works the way it wants to work, and it’s silly to be mad about it.

I think about what my brother would think about me. I know that “doesn’t matter” according to literally every self-help book out there, but that’s their damn opinion. I’m curious. I want to know what he would think of me, how much we would get along, how close we would be. But I don’t have that chance and neither does he. That’s OK. That’s what this world laid out for us and that’s what we have to cope with, learn from, and move through.

What the hell am I talking about now? I think my emotions are taking control here. I do miss him. Quite a bit. But I still have family, a mother and father, that mean the world to me. Today is about making sure they’re OK, not me. And I hope I do a good job at that. As for what my brother would think about me? What our relationship would be like? I know it would be good. I know he would care for me and I would care for him. Why am I asking such dumb questions, eh?

I love you, my brother. I hope to see you again.

pause

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pop’s Birthday

Hi, everybody!

Today is a special day. The man himself, Pops, turned ## today!

We golfed this morning. Relaxing. Had a couple of arguments but we’re past those already.

If you have family, keep them close, even if you tend to get on each other’s nerves every so often. Family is important. You’re important.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Oh also, Pops, if you’re reading this—I love you and appreciate you. Thank you for being there for me every second of my life. – Bud

My Dog’s Birthday

Hi, everybody!

Yesterday my dog turned 11 years old. I’ve had her since she was 3 months old. She’s my “ride or die”, and yesterday was fantastic.

First off, we started with a walk. Now, keep in mind I do have a puppy. He’s about 1.5 years old, so he benefited GREATLY from yesterday. Secondly, I made sure to provide a plethora of treats. Dog cookies? Check. Beef tendons? Check. Dental chews so they don’t have terrible breath from the beef tendons? Double check.

But I do get sad seeing my dog age. Like I said, she’s my “ride or die”–really she’s my everything. She’s helped me through so much. Multiple break-ups, multiple spells of extreme depression, moments I thought I’d kill myself, and hell, she even saved a woman who hanged herself at my house. How? Well, I didn’t see my friend’s legs hanging out of the closet, my dog did. She saved that woman. My dog is a damn hero.

Dogs have a special connection to me. When my brother passed when I was young, my parents got me a puppy not as a replacement, but as a new friend. Ever since then, I haven’t been able to live without a dog. They truly are something special. If you’re a cat person, that’s fine, just know dogs are superior in every single possible way. And that’s fact, not opinion.

It was good to see my dog have so much fun yesterday. Today she’s limping because she went a bit too hard at the dog park, but it’s all worth it to her. Plus I have plenty of medication and supplements to help with her pain.

Yesterday was a good day. Seems to be a theme nowadays. I can get used to this.

Happy birthday, my 11-year old badass doggo!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

30 and Fully Vax’d

Hi, everybody!

My 30th birthday was fantastic. Worked all day but thoroughly enjoy working. I was finally able to make sales calls again and I followed it up with some wonderful boxing coaching and training. You lot probably think that’s all I do. It kinda is. But I love it.

But I have a girlfriend now. So after work we grabbed some Thai food and relaxed. It was a perfect evening. Oh, I also had time to get on vidjie games and absolutely own some noobs.

I’m a nerd. A 30-year old nerd. And I love it.

Today I received my second vaccination (Pfizer gang). Glad to get it, happy to not talk about it the rest of my existence. If you’re an anti-vaxxer, I don’t care. If you’re a pro-vaxxer, I don’t care. You do you. Please and thank you.

Today calls for a nap. Will I get it? Who knows. But I’d love a nap. Other than that, my mind is kind of blank today and it’s… refreshing. I think I’ll log off now.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Last Day in My Twenties

Hi, everybody!

Yesterday was fantastic. The idea to have a “treat yo’self” dinner with a couple close friends for my birthday celebration was 100% the correct decision. Queen cut prime rib cooked a perfect medium rare, classic mashed potatoes, unique but delicious green beans, and a salad bar. I mean, I couldn’t ask for much else. Oh, also a nice bottle of Beaujolais, which happens to be my favorite red wine.

It really was perfect. We followed it up with a couple drinks at a bar right next door. The bartender there was… well, she was probably five shots deep by the time we entered the bar. It was an experience, that’s for sure.

Today is my last day in my twenties. Again, surreal. I’ve mentioned that plenty. But I’m excited for today. Why? It’s another day I’m here. Sounds corny but I’m fucking pumped I can say that nowadays. Look at this blog when it first started. I hated myself.

Now I’m starting to love myself again. And I’m heading into a whole new decade of learning, growth, etc., and I couldn’t be more excited about it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Do What You Want

Hi, everybody!

I think I’ve mentioned this in recent posts but if you haven’t read those (shame on you), understand I turn 30 on Monday. I told everyone for the past year this didn’t bother me whatsoever. I thought I was telling the truth. But turning 30 is surreal to me. I know it sounds cliché but I thought I’d be dead by now.

I’m happy I’m not dead. I’m happy I’m turning 30. So I guess it doesn’t “bother” me, it just freaks me out. Doesn’t seem real. Feels like I’m living on borrowed time–but I’ll take it.

Now you may be asking yourself, “Why is this titled Do What You Want if he hasn’t even mentioned it yet. I mean, he’s three line breaks in already. Is he ever going to get to the point?”

I tell you lot all the time: I just sit down and type. I originally wanted to tell you not to freak out about big birthday celebrations due to societal norms, but my mind went other ways. I will get to that point now, though. Umm… don’t freak out about big birthday celebrations due to societal norms. I freaked out for a bit then realized I would rather spend my time with a couple really good friends at a nice steakhouse. So that’s what I’m doing.

Do what you want. Always do what you want… well, unless it’s hurting others. If it isn’t, go for it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Blogs For Days

Hi, everybody.

We’re at Day 33 now. Insane. Never thought we’d get this far on this streak.

To be fair, I’m not writing because of the streak anymore. Sadly I can’t prove that because again I’m waking up with no real thoughts to put to paper, but just thinking this shit out helps me every morning. I guess you could say it’s part of my routine now.

And I’m over 130 blogs now. I’m fuckin’ stoked about that.

It’s my 30th birthday weekend. I might, might not blog this weekend. I really don’t know. I’ve been quiet about it because it’s honestly scary for me to think about (never thought I’d make it this far – seems to be a theme) so I don’t have much planned. That means I should have time to write. But I don’t want to commit. So I’m not going to commit. That’s my birthday present to myself.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.