Tag: anxiety

I Did It

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 1 Comment

Hi, everybody.

Welp, I did it. You read that right. I officially put in my two-week resignation letter this morning with my boss. This is a company I’ve been at for three years and really helped me grow into the person I am today. I am very grateful for my time there.

However, I am so, so very excited to move on to a new challenge. My dearest friend told me a week or two back, “It seems like you’re the smartest guy at the table at the company and that’s never a good thing.”

He was right. It really hit home. It pushed me to take that final leap and trust in myself at a new company with a new challenge. A place where I will be the dumbest at the table again. Can’t fuckin’ wait. TEACH ME ALL THE THINGS!

I’ve been passively searching for a job for the past year. I’ve probably applied, no lie, at over 200 places. I’ve done, again no lie, over 100 interviews in the past year. Received a few offers but none felt right. I waited. I trusted my judgment. I asked others what they thought, the people I trust. My support system. Then things changed. I started actively hunting for a new job. Big difference. It was one of my main focuses, and guess what? It paid off. Literally and figuratively.

I wouldn’t have been able to take this leap if I didn’t believe in myself. I always tell you lot everything comes from you, and it’s true. But I wouldn’t be here today without the fantastic friends and family I have, the ones pushing me forward. None of their words and advice mean shit if I don’t look within myself and understand that everything, every decision, needs to be made by me when dealing with my own life. But again, a support system can’t go unnoticed. So thanks Pops, dear friend (you know who you are), and all the other people in my life that have no clue about this blog.

Oh, and thank you. You reading this blog has such a positive impact on me and my mental health, and I hope it does some of the same for you.

KEEP PUSHIN, BABY!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

So, How Did The Tough Conversations Go?

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone!

Hope you like the style change on the blog. I didn’t like the other one. Too sloppy. I like it clean, y’know?

OK, so yesterday I wrote about tough conversations and boy, did I get some unexpected… well, let’s just get into it.

First of all, I mentioned talking to one of my boxers about the possibility of her not being able to fight because she doesn’t have that “killer mentality” or that “fighter” in her. The jury is still out on that, but we did end up naturally breaking down a wall or two yesterday. After some very light sparring, my boxer broke down. She could see she couldn’t pull the trigger and ACTUALLY hit me in the face. Can I put her in sparring knowing that? No. It’s dangerous for her. But we did discuss her mentals, what’s holding her back, the what-if’s, and much more.

That tough conversation created growth. And guess what? It happened naturally. Stay tuned.

Now for the boss conversation, well that was supposed to happen next Monday. Turns out you can’t always have what you want. To refresh your mind (how dare you not read my last post), I took a job at a new company. Planned on putting my two weeks in at my current company next week. Everything happened in such a funny way, though. Let me explain.

We had a team meeting. My boss manages four states/territories. Turns out he put in his two weeks! CONGRATS to him! Moving on to bigger and better things. However, he did ask me to stay behind in the meeting to talk with me.

“—-, are you leaving such and such company?” My boss asked, already knowing the answer.

“—–! What makes you say that?” I said, with a laugh and a definitive shit-eating grin.

Turns out telling one of my best friends at the company was a bad idea. They couldn’t keep their mouth shut. However, it all worked out into perfect hilarity. My boss’ situation with leaving the company meant he didn’t really care I was leaving because it wasn’t impacting him. You know what he told me?

“How about we forget we talked about this and just have the same conversation on Monday?” James said, smiling.

Guess who isn’t going to go a full month without a paycheck now? This guy.

It pays to be a good person to others. It pays to be a hard worker. It pays to be open with others. It pays to be vulnerable. Everything we’re scared of, everything we fear, helps us grow if we can conquer that son of a bitch.

Make those tough conversations happen, people. Trust me on this one.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Tough Conversations

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 1 Comment

Hi, everybody!

I’m a bit frantic today. I have a couple tough conversations coming up and although I feel comfortable going into them, the anxiousness is still alive and well in me.

What conversations, you ask?

  • One of my boxers doesn’t have the mentals to compete. She honestly doesn’t like punching people in the face, but she won’t admit to it. I’ll try one more sparring session with her and if nothing changes, it’s in her best interest to get competition out of her mind. Why? Well, her hypothetical opponent wouldn’t be afraid to punch her. That’s a problem for her. The problem for me? Keeping her motivated to keep coming in and getting the work in because the work she puts in is almost essential for her mentals to balance out.
  • I have to put in my two weeks at a company I’ve been at for three years. Three years. That’s pretty much two more years than I’ve put in anywhere else in my … 15 or so odd years of employment. It’ll be weird, new, but I’m very excited for it. I get to start my new job on April 19th and I can’t even begin to tell you how pumped I am for a new challenge.

But tough conversations are always good conversations. You learn from them. You change from them. You grow from them. Remember, fear is something we construct in our own minds. It’s not fucking real. Push it away. Go for those tough conversation so you continue to learn, change, and grow. It’s worth it, I promise.

Don’t be one of those people who continuously mentions the weather. No one likes conversing with that person.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Weekends Work Now

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, errybody!

It’s kinda nuts. When I started this blog just last August, I absolutely despised weekends. They were filled with nothing but misery, loneliness, terrible habits both mentally and physically, and they were just the absolute worst.

Now?

I’ve told you lot a million times things change. They change even when we think there is no possible fucking way they will change. Still, things change. No matter what it is. Things. Change.

Weekends changed for me. I now relish the weekend because I’ve filled it with my passion: boxing. I’ve filled it with dinners out with friends, late night chats with new people, and of course, I’ve kept the cuddling with my two doggos.

But the important thing here is to remember things change. And sometimes not always for the best, but there’s a good chance it changes again and turns around for you. You’ve got this. Don’t even think about giving up. Understand that inevitable change.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Being Vulnerable With A Purpose

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Over the past two days, I’ve opened up to quite a few new people in my life. Whether it was about where I’m at financially, in my love life, or how my mentals are doing, I’ve made sure to make myself vulnerable to people.

Why? Why the fuck would you do that, man? Sounds terrible.

It is terrible. At the start. Then the other person opens up. Then you listen. Then you have a friend. It’s a scary process, but a very simple process. We as humans tend to overcomplicate the simplest of things. Let’s stop doing that.

I wrote about “ordinary courage” last week. I’ve really been practicing it since then. It’s freeing. I’ve never been embarrassed (in my adult life) about my mental condition, my drug addiction, or any of the other “whoa” shit. However, I didn’t understand the importance of what I’ve went through and how it can positively impact others till I started this blog.

You, me, all of us battling through depression, anxiety, and all the other bullshit. Guess what? We’re fucking champions. And you’re a Champion of mental health. Get out there, speak with people, show that ordinary courage on a daily basis. I can almost guarantee you make a friend or two. And if not, I bet there’s something you do to help others, and really that’s all that matters here.

We’re all in this together, folks. Whether your struggles are mental or physical, we all struggle. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. Get out there and help the fellow strugglers (there’s plenty to choose from). You’ll be surprised on how much you really do have to offer.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Hash Browns For Breakfast

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, errybody.

I don’t know about you, but there’s a certain tell for me if I’m having an absolutely amazing morning: hash browns for breakfast. If you expected something different, you obviously didn’t read the title.

I’ve talked plenty about the importance of embracing the small happinesses in your life. Well, this is one of them for me. And this is me showing you not to just talk about this shit, but be it. Be aware of the little things. They can make all the difference in the world.

A breakfast food. Yes, you could look at me and say “Who gives a shit?” and I’d say back “Good point.”

What are your hashbrowns today? Is there anything just a bit more special today for ya? I’m having a hell of a good time this week. Very tired, but heart so full.

I bet you’re wondering how the hash browns turned out. Well, I did send a photo of them to someone. Want to know the response?

“PERFECTLY GOLDEN?!?!”

Yeah, no big deal.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

The Waiting Game

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

This past week was a whirlwind. A good one. I received one formal offer for a position I’m somewhat looking at, and I should receive an offer from a company today that I really, really want to work for. However, I’m having trouble playing the waiting game. Getting that offer is all that’s on my mind right now, so please, Gmail, show me “1 Unread Message” when I sign in next. I’m begging you.

But I do know patience is important. I understand I can’t ask for something right away because it convenciences me and solely me. That’s selfish. That’s what a company doesn’t want. That’s what a friend doesn’t want. That’s what all of us don’t want.

Let’s transition a bit. I don’t know if I’ve told you what I’ve been working on as an individual over the past month or so. Maybe I have. Most likely I have. But it doesn’t hurt to have a reminder.

Active listening.

I’m very good at active talking. I’m trying to become a better active listener. It’s a work in progress. But right now is a good reminder of it not because I need to listen to one of you, but I need to listen to the common sense inside me. The part of me that keeps me grounded. I need to listen to that side telling me “Hey, the offer will come. Just be patient, stupid.”

And I will listen.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Training To Train

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone.

Still weirded out by the change WordPress made. Hopefully I can stop talking about it at some point.

Training to train. Bold title, right? I’m really running out of ideas. I’m just throwing shit at the wall and hoping it sticks at this point. Appreciate you lot for continuing to show support to this blog. Means quite a bit.

Training to train. Let’s get into it. What do I mean?

Well, as you may know since I’ve mentioned in 1,000x on this blog, I coach boxing. I used to compete in the sport, still think about competing, but I’m most likely staying where I’m at: A coach and forever a student of the sport.

I brought a new boxer to a new gym today. A more… dirty, rough type of gym–one in the hood. My coach always told me if the gym we went to spar at had air conditioning or too many fans, we were going to whoop that ass. He was usually right. It was about time to bring this new boxer to a different, less… well-equipped space. However, with that comes much tougher opponents, tougher coaches around, and the sum of it all is the boxer comes out better. The less provided, it sounds odd, the more the boxer gets out of it. Pushing themselves is what a coach needs to see. We can push you while you’re with us, but the goal is to get you to push yourself when we aren’t watching. Training with integrity.

The boxer was thrown off at first. Very different space. But she had some of her best mitt rounds with me in quite some time. That lack of comfort pushed her to another level this morning. She leveled up today. It was really great to see, along with a few other boxers.

But I messaged her after I dropped her off back at her home, “I need to train to train you.”

She replied, “What does that mean? Explain.”

I replied, “In order for you to continue to progress, I need to make sure I’m progressing as your coach.”

Took me a while to realize that. Quite some time. Maybe I’ve always been working to become a better coach, but now it’s a focus of mine. I do want to compete still, but that’ll take the back burner for now. I still have a few years left in my “prime”.

Now it’s about training to train. Progressing to reach new levels. Coaching with integrity.

I guess this is the first time I haven’t really spoken much on mental health on this blog. It’s odd for me, but hey, this blog can really be anything. That’s the cool part of all this. It’s my brain just spewing out shit. It’s healthy for me. I hope it’s healthy for you.

Continue working on yourself, no matter the difficulty.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Exhaustion (Healthy & Unhealthy)

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone.

Woah, did the interface change on WordPress? This looks different. The font is different. What the hell is going on.

Anyway, that’s not what we’re here to discuss today. Today we discuss exhaustion and the difference(s) between healthy exhaustion and unhealthy exhaustion. There’s a plethora of differentiators, so I’ll only go into a bit here and of course I’ll use myself as an example. What, did you expect something else?

Right now I’m experiencing a healthy exhaustion. Well, somewhat of a mixture, but mostly healthy. Probably should’ve went to bed a bit earlier last night, but other than that, my exhaustion comes from my daily output and input. What do I mean by that? It’s similar to how I’ve been told to look at my finances: Have more coming in than you have going out.

So how do we do that?

Well, for me, my days start with a zillion sales calls, multiple proposals/pitches/meetings, followed by workouts and hours of coaching. Outside of that, I mentor an hour or two a week. I also lead a BLM grant for a non-profit that takes quite a bit of my time. Now, if I just take a look at that, I see all those activities as events that could lead to unhealthy exhaustion. How do I avoid it? Well, it’s about taking in what you can. For me, that’s dog walks. That’s making sure I have a solid breakfast or lunch. Making sure I step outside and relax for a bit – AKA get the hell away from my computer. Talking with friends is another way to balance out. Stupid shit like video games. Really, there’s a million things and they’re all subjective. It’s up to you to make the choice on how to balance your output with what’s coming in for you. Only you know what recharges you in a healthy manner.

Unhealthy exhaustion for me is very simple to get to. Make sure you give your mind and body a moment to rest. To live in the moment. To be present. To respect yourself and all you’ve done not just now, but in your overall life. Balance yourself out. If you don’t, you’ll be drowning in that unhealthy exhaustion for days on end.

Healthy exhaustion is the goal.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Tough Question To Answer

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone!

Busy days are the best days, most of the time. The only reason I remembered to write this blog is due to me telling Siri to remind me in the morning. I’m an hour and a half late to writing this blog, that’s how I know I’m busy.

And it feels good.

Interviews, sales calls, boxing lessons, mentoring, dog walks, stupid video games, grocery shopping, getting the house in order, and all the rest of my daily duties are really kicking my ass–in a good way.

Are you doing enough with your time? That’s a tough question to answer. There is no counter to determine if you’re using your time the best way you can. There is no right or wrong here. However, I do recommend asking yourself that question from time to time–it might remind you to write a blog post or something ;).

People, I’m doing much better. It feels good. I don’t give a fuck if I’m bragging here. I’m doing much better. And it’s because of you and you and you and you and you and everyone else. Thank you for reading. I hope you’re doing better each and every day. This is a fucking marathon, not a sprint. Remember that, stay in the moment, keep pushing, and hopefully you come out the other side just a wee bit better the next day.

What the hell did I even write about?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.