Tag: anxiety

Sunny Days, Sunny Days

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I GOT PAID TODAY. IT FELT GREAT TO PAY OFF SOME BILLS.

OK, moving on. Everyone, today is GORGEOUS where I’m at. As always, I started with a nice cup of cold brew and a dog walk. Amazing walk. Dogs barely pulled me (I’m kidding, they destroy me… always).

After that, I jumped into meetings. Tonight is my Pop’s birthday dinner. I mean, can this day get much better?

IT CAN! I don’t have to work at the boxing club tonight and my body truly needs the rest. Instead I get to eat steak and shrimp. I can’t believe I come on this blog to complain. I mean read what I just said: I get to eat steak and shrimp.

Gratitude. I need to work on that.

I am grateful for today. I’m grateful for every day I’m still here. Some nights I still think I’d be better off dead, but the morning comes and that changes. Do you lot have those feelings at night? Am I the only one? It keeps me up at night.

It’s time to focus in on the moment. On this sunny day. I hope wherever you’re at is gorgeous as well, my friends.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Quote Day? Quote Day.

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

I’m swamped (in a good way) today so my apologies but I must only leave you with a few really, really good quotes. More effort will be applied later this week! Let’s begin.

As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.

David Sedaris, Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls

Maintain that motivation to go from A to B and to keep your focus on that target without any weakening. That is called tenacity; stamina in your motivation.

Arsene Wenger

You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.

Brené Brown

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pressure

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone.

I’m beginning to feel immense pressure to succeed in everything. I’m not mad about it – I think pressure is needed at times to enhance growth. However, falling asleep at 8 PM on a Saturday and waking up at 3 AM because of pressure isn’t a good thing.

So what’s keeping me in this pressurized space? I have a girlfriend now and I forgot how much time I need to set aside to spend time with her. I honestly forgot. I enjoy her company but I enjoy my time – mainly because I need to get shit done, like blog. Oh, and blogging is a bit of pressure. I know none of you expect me to keep the streak alive, but I expect to keep the streak alive. Why? No clue.

What else? Oh, I’m not doing the best at work. I’m not doing terrible, but I’d like to be doing a helluva lot better.

I’m supposed to be boxing competitvely shortly but it seems like I’m just training to train. I don’t know if my coach will ever match me up again and it’s bothering me. Why? Because I feel the pressure to continue to get better each and every day. I haven’t taken a rest day in two weeks. I am bothered by the fact that my stamina isn’t where it needs to be, but it doesn’t make sense to be bothered. Why? Well, I don’t have a fight lined up.

Money. Well, if you’ve read my last few posts, you know I’m fucked with money. I’d rather not talk about the pressure there.

There’s plenty more but I didn’t come on here to bitch to you lot. I came here seeking advice. What do I prioritize? How do I say no to things? How can I take some time for myself without sounding like a dick to my girlfriend and close friends? What the hell do I do to alleviate this pressure?

Back to it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

C’MON, MAN

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Yeah, aggressive title.

My dog chewed through another couch. Not the brand new one, but what was left of the other couch he chewed up (it was a sectional). Not fun to come home to. Not fun.

I don’t know what to do next with this little guy. He’s good six out of sevens days of the week. But when he messes up, he messes up. And believe me, I try a lot to get it to stop.

I do a pseudo command thingy my buddy taught me. That works majority of the time. Not all the time. It needs to work all the time. I spray a taste and smell deterrent on the items he’ll most likely chew up (COUCHES) before I leave. I make sure he gets plenty of exercise, usually fetch and two walks a day. That’s enough. Also, there’s another dog here he loves to play with. He has enough resources in front of him to be an absolute perfect doggo.

I chalk it up to the pandemic. He’s so attached that he sometimes suffers from separation anxiety. Will he ever not chew up a valuable couch? Who the hell knows. He’s lucky he’s cute.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Proper Rainy Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

There’s something about a stormy, rainy day after a week filled with 90 degree temps. It’s relaxing. It makes you sleepy. For me, it relieves stress. How? Well, I don’t feel like I really need to accomplish much when the weather isn’t cooperating. I absolutely love my mindset there.

A storm is unpredictable, just like mental health. It comes and goes, sometimes quiet, sometimes with a big boom. But it fades. The storm always fades and we’re back to the light. Same could be said about mental health IF we decide to look at it this way. That’s on us.

We’re all temperamental. At least a little bit. Whether we like it or not. Just like the weather. Maybe we could learn a thing or two from Mother Nature, eh?

QUOTE DAY!

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I’m super busy today so how about I leave you with some impactful quotes today? OK!

And see that you keep a cheerful demeanor, and retain your independence of outside help and the peace which others can give. Your duty is to stand straight – not held straight.

Marcus Aurelius

As soon as you look at the world through an ideology you are finished. No reality fits an ideology. Life is beyond that.

Anthony de Mello

When you have reconciled internally, peace and love become possible. When you embody peace and love, you can change a difficult situation more easily.

Thich Nhat Hanh

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Morning Sprints

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Mornings are always odd for me. Same could be said about afternoons and evenings, though.

But today we’re talking about mornings. My mornings consist of waking up a tad bit too late, scrambling to walk my dogs, followed by scrounging for anything in my fridge for breakfast. Usually there isn’t much. I still haven’t picked up any yogurt.

I’ve mixed in something else into my morning: sprints. Yeah, I’m crazy. For some reason running wind sprints at 8:30 AM at the age of 30 is something that I in fact do. What the fuck.

Anyway, there’s again not much to this post. I’m hurting, honestly. I’m sprinting away from my problems. Away from work. Away from communication. Away from everything.

I want things to stop. I want to feel good again. I. Don’t. Know. What’s. Wrong. Now.

And it’s scary. But I have you lot to write to, so thank you.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Money Still on My Mind

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I can’t stop thinking about it. It doesn’t help that I see people with much more money than I have at a much younger age. I feel like I’ve failed to this point. My 401k is nothing special, my investments are shit, and my savings is more than lacking.

I’m drowning. I just want to not worry about money for a month or two. That’s it. But bills keep piling on. Medical expenses mainly. I need to get my wrist checked out because I can’t pick up anything with it but I can’t take on that medical bill. It’s just too much for me.

I ordered contacts today. That’ll be $200. When will I pick them up? Probably Friday after I’m paid. Because right now I’m back to living paycheck to paycheck. Actually I wouldn’t even call it living. I’m under stress every day from it even with paying my bills on time. I keep seeing the red get more red. I need it to stop. I need it to stop. But it won’t. I’ll stay in this cycle forever by the looks of it. It’s been over a decade like this. I have no clue how to fix it. No clue whatsoever. My only option right now feels like investments. Long-term of course, but fuck I need to handle my debt. I need to. It eats at me.

UGH.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Money Problems

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone.

I don’t have “money problems”. I mean, I do, but it’s more debt problems. Nothing major but it does bother me. One thing I haven’t figured out yet is how to properly manage my money, my budget, etc..

And without management, shit hits the fan. Like today when I logged into my accounts: YEESH. Can’t wait till Friday for my paycheck so I can pay off debt, pay off medical bills, and be exactly where I am right now. See, that’s the thing: The money never stops going out. It stops coming in, but it never stops going out.

I’m stressed. Everything that was going well for me is spiraling downward, including boxing. I’m losing it a bit. I’m waking up a bit later now, lacking motivation, and my thoughts before bed are horrendous.

I’m scared again. This should be titled “Problems”, not “Money Problems”.

Oh, I think this makes 50 days in a row. Yippee. Hooray. Meh.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pool Chilling (My Day)

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I’m a freak about this streak now. I already posted today (check it out – really good quotes) but it didn’t give me the streak reward. So here I am.

I made today about me. I woke up, walked the dogs before it got too warm, and headed to the gym. Got in a few solid bag rounds and now I’m out by the pool. I was reading but this blog distracted me. You lot distracted me. I can blame you, right?

I do need to get back to reading.

But today is my day. I’ll do what I want. I plan to make NFTs later (yeah, I know, weird), followed by volleyball and USA soccer.

Today will be a good day. Nothing will stop that.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.