Tag: vulnerability

Brené Brown on Perfectionism

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

I’m still on fire. This is like the 4th blog post in like 2-3 days. OOOOH, DOGGY.

I wanted to build off my last post regarding love and belonging, according to author Brené Brown and her book The Gifts of Imperfection. Today we will be discussing perfectionism. Something I’ve always struggled with but just didn’t know I struggled with it, well, at least till I read Brown’s work.

I’ve always bitched at my Pops for his perfectionism, but his perfectionism rests with material items. Putting a desk together the correct way, perfect lines while he mows, etc.. That’s not what it is for me.

Here’s what Brown has to say:

“Where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking. In fact (opinion), shame is the birthplace of perfectionism.”

I’ve always stood ready to die on a hill that I am not a perfectionist. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not. Maybe we all are to a certain extent as Brown stated in her book. Maybe she’s right. Maybe she’s wrong. But it’s worth a thought.

Brown goes on, “I think perfectionism exists along a continuum. We all have some perfectionist tendencies. For some, perfection may only emerge when they’re feeling particularly vulnerable. For others, perfectionism can be compulsive, chronic, debilitating, and similar to addiction.”

That rings true to me. Why? It’s something I struggle with on an hourly basis. I think every day needs to be perfect. Every action I make needs to be the perfect one. Yeah, it doesn’t translate to making sure all the paintings on my wall are completely straight, but it translates into something so much more important for me. And it can be destructive. Being aware of this empowers me.

Remember, no matter how lame it sounds, you are enough. Better than enough.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Brené Brown on Love and Belonging

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Two blog posts in less than an hour. I’m on fire, man.

I recently finished up The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. Amazing author. Amazing female author if you’re looking to diversify your reading.

I sent quite a few quotes from this book to multiple people. Not all the same quotes went to the same people, but I felt like I should share some here. Let’s get into it. I don’t know if I’m going to be anal about the formatting here. Kind of don’t feel like making it perfect. We’ll see.

Brown is an author known for her studies on shame, vulnerability, acceptance, amongst other things. We’ll discuss love and belonging here because I believe she has some really beautiful ways to think of both of these emotions/feelings/whatever.

“If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.”

She continues, “Worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites.”

Here’s a few I found worth sharing:

  • I’ll be worthy when I lose twenty pounds
  • I’ll be worthy when I can do it all and look like I’m not even trying
  • I’ll be worthy when my parents finally approve

“What is at the heart of Wholeheartedness: Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.”

Brown dives even deeper into belonging, “One of the biggest surprises in my research was learning that fitting in andd belonging are not the same thing. In fact, fitting in gets in the way of belonging. Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who were are; it requires us to be who we are.“

Brown points out three issues she’s willing to call truths:

  • Love and belonging will always be uncertain
  • Love belongs with belonging
  • A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all women, men, and children

And this next part is just too good not to share, “If we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we want to engage with the world from a place of worthiness, we have to talk about the things that in the way: Shame, Fear, Vulnerability.”

That’s what I do in this blog. That’s what I do with my support system. That’s what you should do, too. Take a few minutes to think about these words. It’ll do you some good, I promise.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

So, How Did The Tough Conversations Go?

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone!

Hope you like the style change on the blog. I didn’t like the other one. Too sloppy. I like it clean, y’know?

OK, so yesterday I wrote about tough conversations and boy, did I get some unexpected… well, let’s just get into it.

First of all, I mentioned talking to one of my boxers about the possibility of her not being able to fight because she doesn’t have that “killer mentality” or that “fighter” in her. The jury is still out on that, but we did end up naturally breaking down a wall or two yesterday. After some very light sparring, my boxer broke down. She could see she couldn’t pull the trigger and ACTUALLY hit me in the face. Can I put her in sparring knowing that? No. It’s dangerous for her. But we did discuss her mentals, what’s holding her back, the what-if’s, and much more.

That tough conversation created growth. And guess what? It happened naturally. Stay tuned.

Now for the boss conversation, well that was supposed to happen next Monday. Turns out you can’t always have what you want. To refresh your mind (how dare you not read my last post), I took a job at a new company. Planned on putting my two weeks in at my current company next week. Everything happened in such a funny way, though. Let me explain.

We had a team meeting. My boss manages four states/territories. Turns out he put in his two weeks! CONGRATS to him! Moving on to bigger and better things. However, he did ask me to stay behind in the meeting to talk with me.

“—-, are you leaving such and such company?” My boss asked, already knowing the answer.

“—–! What makes you say that?” I said, with a laugh and a definitive shit-eating grin.

Turns out telling one of my best friends at the company was a bad idea. They couldn’t keep their mouth shut. However, it all worked out into perfect hilarity. My boss’ situation with leaving the company meant he didn’t really care I was leaving because it wasn’t impacting him. You know what he told me?

“How about we forget we talked about this and just have the same conversation on Monday?” James said, smiling.

Guess who isn’t going to go a full month without a paycheck now? This guy.

It pays to be a good person to others. It pays to be a hard worker. It pays to be open with others. It pays to be vulnerable. Everything we’re scared of, everything we fear, helps us grow if we can conquer that son of a bitch.

Make those tough conversations happen, people. Trust me on this one.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Being Vulnerable With A Purpose

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Over the past two days, I’ve opened up to quite a few new people in my life. Whether it was about where I’m at financially, in my love life, or how my mentals are doing, I’ve made sure to make myself vulnerable to people.

Why? Why the fuck would you do that, man? Sounds terrible.

It is terrible. At the start. Then the other person opens up. Then you listen. Then you have a friend. It’s a scary process, but a very simple process. We as humans tend to overcomplicate the simplest of things. Let’s stop doing that.

I wrote about “ordinary courage” last week. I’ve really been practicing it since then. It’s freeing. I’ve never been embarrassed (in my adult life) about my mental condition, my drug addiction, or any of the other “whoa” shit. However, I didn’t understand the importance of what I’ve went through and how it can positively impact others till I started this blog.

You, me, all of us battling through depression, anxiety, and all the other bullshit. Guess what? We’re fucking champions. And you’re a Champion of mental health. Get out there, speak with people, show that ordinary courage on a daily basis. I can almost guarantee you make a friend or two. And if not, I bet there’s something you do to help others, and really that’s all that matters here.

We’re all in this together, folks. Whether your struggles are mental or physical, we all struggle. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. Get out there and help the fellow strugglers (there’s plenty to choose from). You’ll be surprised on how much you really do have to offer.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Something I Read – Worth A Reminder (Courage)

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everyone.

I’m reading a book called The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown–a wonderful author. This is a book of reflection, challenging your ideals, “letting go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embracing who you are”.

On page 12 and 13, I found something I found particularly interesting and well worth a reminder. Let’s hear Brené discuss courage:

“The root of the word courage is cor–the Latin word for heart. In One of its earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant ‘To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’ Over time, this definition has changed, and, today, courage is more synonymous with being heroic. Heroics is important and we certainly need heroes, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage. Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary.”

Go be extraordinary today.

I will you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.