Lots of Uncertainty

Hi, everybody.

I tried writing this blog a few days ago. It had a different title. “I Need To Write This Blog” – I’m glad we have a new topic to discuss, because to be honest, I had NOTHING that day. Woulda been just a bunch of mamma-jamma.

So let’s discuss uncertainty. That sounds fun, doesn’t it? I’m not on the verge of tears, I promise. I’m not typing extra fast because I’m getting more and more angry with each and every single word I’m typing here. HOLD. Take a breath. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. There’s still a whole day ahead of you. A whole day.

But that’s a whole day filled with uncertainty. Sure, there’s stuff on the schedule, but how will you feel? That’s always the question for me. I know I have coaching, I know I have work, I know I have computer shit to do – doesn’t mean I know what the hell is going on. Life is filled with uncertainty unless we’re strapped with the right level of awareness. And as I’m typing this, my thoughts are beginning to slow, my typing beginning to become less violent, and my body a bit more fatigued.

Control is something we all struggle with. Too much, too little. Whatever it is, it’s never good enough. And the funny thing about control? It’s not something you can usually control!

Control integrates well with uncertainty. If you don’t know how your mind will cope with emotional struggle, you don’t know how well you will be able to control yourselves in times of stress. It’s so very important – and oh so difficult to balance.

But here we are, a bit all over the place as usual. I write from the heart, nowhere else. I talk to you, not write. That’s the best way of putting it. And I’m certain that I’m not talking to enough people. I’m not feeling like I’m connected with a damn thing. And I’m uncertain at how sustainable that is long term. No, not thoughts of BS, but I do worry about my overall well-being in the sense of not beating the shit out of myself every other freakin’ day. It would be nice to give myself a break from myself. I’m certain of that.

I wonder how many times I typed out a variation of the word certain. I’m not going to go back and check. I never edit these things. If there’s one thing I have control over, some certainty with, it’s my impulsivity. Phew, what a rollercoaster of a blog.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.