Understanding Relationships

Hi, everybody.

I really hope you’re doing well today. I am. I hope you are, too.

I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships–and not just those with a significant other, but I’ll focus on that specific situation here.

Recently I have spent quite a bit of time with what some would call a “significant other” or someone I’m in a relationship with, but I don’t believe we identify with that label. Or maybe I’m misunderstanding everything around me. But we have talked about it and decided that dating isn’t a good idea right now–but is that truthful from both ends?

So now it’s about trying to understand or unearth what we do not know. Whatever’s going on inside that other person’s noggin. It’s a scary venture and I’m here to tell you one thing: DON’T DO IT.

It’s not your job to know what the other person is thinking. It is on you to treat someone with respect and dignity, but it is in no way, shape, or form your job to express another person’s feelings for them.

Am I just telling myself this so I don’t feel like a dick? Yes and no.

I’ve made this mistake many of times before and I hope I’m not making yet another mistake here. I enjoy the company, I enjoy the conversation, I enjoy the other stuff. Maybe one day it will evolve into something else, but right now I’m happy with what’s in front of me. I’m happy with what I’m doing right now with this situation.

So, yeah. Understanding relationships is kind of your job, I guess that’s my point here. It’s your job to understand where you’re at in the relationship and it’s your job to be respectful of the person you are with.

Sounds easy, right? Ha.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Endless Contemplation

Hi, everybody.

It’s a chill day. Started it off with some coffee and sparring–now it’s time to sit in my sweatpants and relax. Well, until a birthday dinner later tonight, but that will be quick. Then right back to sweatpants and relaxing!

OK, “Endless Contemplation”, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for the past couple of days. It’s funny because it’s thinking about thinking… if you think about it. OK, sorry, I’m done.

But I have been thinking a lot. Like more than usual. After my last fight, I don’t quite know the direction I should take. My coach is pushing me out even further from a pro debut and I don’t have too much time. I mean, I’m 30. I just want to take a couple pro fights for fun. I’m not looking to make a career out of it. Let me fight.

So yeah, I’m thinking about that. I’ve also gotten back into the trenches of thinking I’m not in the right location. I hate when I get like this, honestly. Do I really think moving would change things for me? It has in the past, but I always end up right back here. So what should I do? Stop thinking about moving.

Oh, and I can’t stop thinking about work. How I can be better. What I’m doing wrong. Do I even want to keep doing what I’m doing.

Endless thoughts. Endless contemplation.

But I look down at my dog (the younger one) and I realize sometimes it just doesn’t matter. Why don’t I let this pass through me and enjoy my time right here, right now? I could stop writing and start cuddling with this doggo.

And guess what. That’s where this blog ends. Right when the issue is resolved (for now).

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Morning Mind

Hi, everybody.

You can tell I’m running out of topics. I think I’ve titled something like this before, but honestly can’t remember. Also, don’t feel like doing a quick search. Deal with it. However, it does look like I need to sit down and write down a list of possible future topics. For now, deal with it.

Morning thoughts aren’t like shower thoughts. Not crazy. Not profound in any certain way. Just thoughts. Usually lackluster thoughts but clear thoughts. At least that’s what mine are in the morning. More of a problem-finding type of deal than a problem-solving type of deal.

Does that make sense? Maybe? OK, good enough.

I can’t decide if I should truly take a day off from training, but I think my sore body will help my mind out with that decision.

I have a woman over that’s really nice but I would like some alone time today.

I overbooked myself again. Tonight will be a shitshow.

I’m tired. I wouldn’t mind if my morning thoughts rolled back into/under a blanket.

I love watching my dogs play in the morning. I think I’ll end with this, especially since I stopped writing to take some photos and videos. I completely lost my train of thought, and maybe that’s a good thing.

Let’s just enjoy this day. Enough thinking.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

It’s Been a Minute

Hey, everyone!

It’s been a while. I do apologize. I’ve been in the shit.

However! Tomorrow I head off to Maine for eight days. Very, very pumped about it. It’s time for a trip filled with restoration & almost no expectations. It’s really freeing to have something like this booked. A week on the river, right by the ocean, just a couple kayaks & me. I have a rental car to skedaddle anywhere I want in the state & who knows where that will be!

So let’s talk about the shit. I haven’t posted in a week, why? Well, like I said, I’ve been in the shit. Self-motivation? Big fat NOPE. Self-care? Big fat NOPE. Crying? Big fat YES. But things change. They do. This week had shitty weather anyway, maybe it’s not even my fault. One thing I do know: Who cares! We have another day to live tomorrow, another breath to take right now, & another smile to unearth sometime soon, hopefully.

What am I going to do on my trip? Disconnect. I will have to work, but I’ve told my team that I will be delegating quite a bit of my workload next week. They understand. It’s nice to have coworkers that understand (they won’t understand unless you’re honest about your situation – try that sometime). I have a list concocted by a work acquaintance of the best street to shop in a certain city in Maine, the best trails, the best foods, the best everything. Very excited to use that resource as somewhat of a compass throughout the trip. Props to the person that cared enough to share the list, right? Some good people out there.

Most importantly, I’m going to be doing nothing. Not nothing in the sense of just sitting on the couch like I’ve been doing this week, but nothing in the sense of expectations. Sometimes those pesky expectations weigh you down, drive guilt into your cranium, and make that heart puff up to the point of uncomfortability. I’m getting away from that next week & I cannot wait.

Will I write next week? Most likely. I tend to write when I do quite a bit of thinking, & I believe I’ll be doing quite a bit of thinking. I mean, it is just me & some kayaks.

I’m bringing four to five books with me, all untouched. If I don’t like the first few pages, bang!, I’m discarding the book. Well, maybe, they’re quite expensive. My point is: I’m doing what I want next week. Nothing more, nothing less, & that feels AMAZING to type out.

I hope you lot had a fantastic week. I hope to be on here more, writing my own shit & reading some of your great posts.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.