Tag: structure

Structure Changes

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Is not hearing from me every single day nice? I bet it is. Also, it helps me keep this blog filled with good content, not fluff. Although you could make an argument that literally everything I write on here is “fluff”, but I hope you don’t take it that way.

One of my English professors always talked about stream of consciousness in writing and I believe that’s kind of what I do best. So yeah, that’s why you read what you read from me. I just think and type, think and type, think and type. I usually come in here with some type of structure or plan, but I veer away from it in record time almost always.

Like I almost just did.

Today I wanted to talk to you lot about how things are going with me (SURPRISE!) and what I’ve noticed after slowing down my writing.

  1. I don’t have anxiety/stress from the “need” to write to you lot
  2. I am able to have more freedom in my mind and I don’t feel the need to “solve the problem” right away
  3. I’m embracing each moment and letting it run through me
  4. I feel better about who I am

Now not all that can be contributed to me stopping the streak (accidentally). A lot of that has to do with how I’ve been structuring my days. Simply put – I really haven’t been structuring my days. It’s kind of freeing. I’ve been much more open to going out and doing random things. I don’t play nearly as many video games so I’m staying away from screens a bit more. Shit, I even booked a Colorado trip with a new girlfriend. Yep, I said it. Girlfriend. Crazy, innit?

But yeah, things are changing for me. I might even have a new job soon. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to always keep you lot posted on anything going on in my life, sometimes annoyingly so.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Long Weekends

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Here we go again.

I do well right now with a lot of structure. This weekend lacks structure. I’m freaking out a bit.

Labor Day weekend, a four to five day span where people get together & grill, laugh, etc. Usually I’d be all up for that, but this year it’s a bit different for me. I do have a couple minor things planned this weekend, like a Fantasy Football draft (totally forgot football existed… need to do research or I’m just throwing away $100) & some family time on a lake. Those two moments sound great, & I’m looking forward to them. The only problem? The time in between those moments. There’s too much time in between those moments.

As for my anxiety & depression check-in, it’s not going according to plan. I seem to bounce back ever so slightly, then poof, I’m right back in the shit. Can’t really pin down what’s the issue anymore. It’s really starting to be frustrating each & every morning I wake up. Again, if you have any tips, please advise.

You know, I could fill my time with other stuff this weekend. I’m studying for the GRE, a prerequisite test to get into an MBA program. I could bring my dogs to the dog park, but the older one tends to hurt herself within 15 minutes of playtime. I could also spend time finishing up the outside of the house, which is somewhat in the plans, so I can get ready to sell it at the end of this month.

All of those things sound great. Will I do them? Who knows. Life is seriously so predictable & unpredictable at the same time right now. Weird, right? I need change.

Change comes in a week’s time. Off to Maine for a week. Am I worried about the lack of structure I have set for that week? Yes, but I think I’ll do just fine. I better do just fine, hopefully a bit better than “just fine”.

Thank you for being my soundboard. Never seen a soundboard but I think I used the phrase correctly. As you can tell, I’m quite indecisive in life & it’s taking a toll on me.

I am somewhat happy, really, I am. I have a lot to be grateful for. A whole lot. However, something in my mind isn’t letting me embrace it all. That damn depression & anxiety. I’ll beat them someday. I will.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.